


Once More, with Feeling

by LabMem004



Series: Once More [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, During Canon, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Rating May Change, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LabMem004/pseuds/LabMem004
Summary: As long as there was a single person more important to you than yourself, you couldn’t be free.Freedom always comes at a price.And Nora Weiss will pay it again and again, after tragic circumstances finally allow her to transfer from the Garrison to the Scout Regiment. What she has always yearned for is within her reach; freedom, and knowledge. She is prepared for the danger her dream entails. She did not, however, expect the allure a certain captain—even less approachable than herself—presents to her, and finds herself yearning for something else entirely.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Original Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Once More [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153295
Comments: 105
Kudos: 99





	1. Becoming

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started this just for myself, for fun, and to improve my writing.  
> As this work continued growing, however, and I remained dedicated, I thought what the hell. Could as well post it.  
> That said, if you feel like leaving any comments, it is highly appreciated, be it a single word or an essay, your thoughts on the story, feedback of any kind, or whatnot. I answer every single one because they make me ridiculously happy and I love nerding out with you lovely people!  
> Also, if you happened to like the story, I'd be immensely grateful if you left a kudos.
> 
> I hope the tags concerning canon aren't too confusing. Basically, the story starts a year before Eren joins the Scouts and will cover seasons 1 to 3. It will be largely canon-compliant, but of course there will be deviations, seeing as there is an additional character, after all. That should also keep you on your toes, hopefully. ;)
> 
> Thank you for checking out my work.

Back when she had been twelve, she had imagined this moment differently.

For one, she would have been ten years younger than she was now. She would have been eager, excited, feeling ready for everything, invigorated by a false, naïve sense of freedom. In that scenario, her mother would have been back at home, alive and healthy, though no doubt sick with worry about her only child.

That would have been nice.

Instead, her mother was in the fortunate position of not giving a fuck anymore whether—or rather how soon—her daughter died. The one perk of ceasing to exist.

Life didn’t give a shit about your carefully devised plans, your hopes and dreams. Nora had learned that lesson at the age of sixteen, and lived with it ever since.

As long as there was a single person more important to you than yourself, you couldn’t be free.

Well, her mum was gone, ashes in the wind, and Nora was free now—or as close to it as was possible for any human in this time and this world. For better and worse.

She could not feel eager or excited about it, no surprise there. Instead, she felt nothing aside from a twisted sense of relief, born of years of self-sacrifice and hardship, and a whole load of guilt resulting from it.

Still, she was standing in front of the Survey Corps headquarters now, waiting for someone to come and get her. Trying to distract herself from her gloomy thoughts, Nora passed the time watching some soldiers currently involved in combat training, far enough away that she could not make out more than silhouettes. Hand-to-hand combat had always been her worst discipline, but she made up for it with her sword and ODM skills. Unfortunately, she had barely been able to make use of those in her years with the Garrison. She sighed, brushing her unruly, sandy blonde hair behind her ears. She hoped that the training she had managed to squeeze into her free time was enough to stay sharp and keep up with the Scouts in these regards. After all, it had already been ten years since she had been ranked second best recruit due to her knack with manoeuvring her gear, combined with the deadly accuracy of her blades. Well, utilising both of these skills had worked with the titan dummies, at least. To her, nothing was more satisfying than flying through the air and slicing through their necks one after the other, hearing them drop down to the ground with a heavy thump. Something stirred in her chest at the memory, filling up some of the emptiness inside of her. Once again, Nora wondered how different it would be with a real titan.

When she turned her eyes from the training cadets, she saw a woman in uniform approaching her from the main building. Her brown hair was gathered back in a messy ponytail that swished from side to side with each energetic step she took. She wore glasses, a rare sight on a soldier.

“Nora Weiss?” the woman asked, a huge grin on her face.

“Yes, hello,” Nora answered, a bit stunned at the enthusiasm the slightly older woman emanated. She held out her hand, which the other shook eagerly.

“Great! I’m Hange Zoë! I’m here to show you around. But first things first—” She brought her face uncomfortably close to Nora’s, “Erwin told me you were interested in titan research, is that right?” Hange’s eyes were wide open, eagerly awaiting her answer, the expression bordering on crazy. A strange woman, but one that got right to the point. Oddly informal for military, as well, nothing like her former peers at the Garrison. Nora relaxed imperceptibly.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m interested in anything outside the Walls, really.”

It was obvious that Hange could barely contain her excitement. “Yay! I have so much to tell you! Well, as soon as I’m allowed to share sensitive information with you, obviously,” she added.

“Sounds good to me,” Nora said. It was no surprise that they wouldn’t reveal their secrets to a newcomer from the Garrison right away, least of all one that had been stationed at Wall Sina. Nora barely knew more than what was public and general military knowledge—which wasn’t much at all. Her proximity to the Military Police hadn’t done her many favours.

She followed Hange into the main building, trying to take in her new surroundings while listening to the rapid chatter of the bubbly woman. By the time they had reached Nora’s new sleeping quarters, which she had to share with four other women, she already knew where the dining hall was, when the meals were served, when the next expedition was going to be (in six weeks), and several other things, including the names of some squad leaders she could be assigned to. What she really wanted to know, however—

“When can I start training?”

Hange stopped right in the midst of explaining to her the hows and whys of their preparation for the expedition. Nora had never been great at back-and-forth conversation, an attribute she seemed to share with Hange, though in a more… reserved way.

“Uh, well, I’d have thought tomorrow, but we could start today, right after I’m done showing you around, kiddo.”

“Okay,” Nora said without hesitation, choosing to ignore the unfortunate nickname. The broad smile returned to Hange’s face, and Nora’s lips quirked up a bit, despite her nerves.

Before they headed off to the compound, Hange went to get her Survey Corps uniform. She needed the smallest size, same as with the one she had worn at the Garrison. The emblem on the jacket was the only difference, really. But what a difference it made to her. She ran her fingers over the Wings of Freedom once before she threw it on. Done with changing, she carelessly scraped her long hair into a ponytail at the nape of her neck and joined Hange, who was waiting outside her room.

“Now look at you, in your new uniform! Suits you!” With these words, Hange bent down—and pinched her cheek, as if she was teasing a little sister instead of interacting with a fellow soldier she’d just met. Nora scowled at the taller woman. Not for the first time she cursed her height—or the lack of it.

“I’ve been a soldier for a while, you know. I’m not a child on her first day of school,” she said evenly, earning a carefree laugh from the brunette woman, utterly unperturbed by her complaint. Figures.

## #

Hange continued her tour of the HQ and the surrounding grounds, not really going into organisational details anymore, but instead mostly spouting scientific facts about titans she deemed safe to tell Nora, who warmed up noticeably at the topic. Some of the facts were even new to her, no matter how many books she’d gotten her hands on over the years.

Curious, and morbidly fascinated, she occasionally interrupted Hange’s monologue with a few questions, who seemed delighted and answered every one excessively. When the bespectacled woman casually mentioned that she planned to catch one alive, Nora said, “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. And utterly brilliant,” which earned her an enthusiastic “You get it!”

After the little tour, they went for the copse of tall trees at the edge of the compound. “The Special Operations Squad should be training there at the moment, so they can help pull the ropes and see you in action right away!” Hange explained, as loudly as she had said everything else.

 _Just my luck to have an audience_ , Nora thought. She kept her voice neutral and said, “Well, then I hope I don’t suck.”

“Don’t you worry, we won’t kick you out.” Hange winked at her. Not exactly reassuring, but it couldn’t be helped. At least she would get the whole ordeal out of the way quickly.

“Hey, Petra! Mind operating the dummy ropes for our newbie here?” she called out to a red-haired soldier at the edge of the wood.

 _Newbie_. For a moment, Nora felt sixteen years old again, like a greenhorn Cadet Corps graduate. She straightened her back and shook her head inwardly. Nothing could undo the last ten years, that much was painfully clear to her.

Petra introduced herself with a broad smile on her pretty face, immediately making small talk and asking about her decision to switch over to the Scouts. _By the Walls, are they all that nice?_

Nora was relieved when they reached the trees—she could only evade such questions with vague replies for so long. With her heart in her throat, she tightened the straps of her gear one last time and, at a nod from Hange, lunged herself onto the nearest tree.

As soon as she was soaring through the air, her nerves settled, as if she had left her worries on the ground, right there with her new comrades and her emotional baggage. All that remained was blissful calmness in her mind, paired with the exhilaration of flying, of _freedom_.

She flew at her first target—an immobile sixteen-metre titan dummy—with single-minded focus. Avoid the arms, be mindful of her gas usage, and kill. She swung around and upwards, using nearby trees for momentum. Then she dived down, drawing her blades and slicing through the thick, wooden neck in one clean, scissor-like swipe. _Yes_.

Pushing off the disposed dummy with one shove of her legs, she was up in the treetops again, choosing her next stationary target and keeping watch for any others that could appear right underneath her at any moment, pulled up by ropes that were currently operated by a kind, but certainly experienced redhead.

And there, right when she lifted her blades at the nearest dummy mid-fly, a solid wooden titan popped up. In full speed, she jerked to the right, narrowly avoiding a crash, and manoeuvred herself around both dummies, disposing of the stationary with one stroke first, and without landing, shot herself right onto the neck of the moving threat from behind and scissored through. This time, maybe a bit over-enthusiastically; she distantly felt a shrapnel of wood slicing at her cheek.

She took care of the rest of the course in a similar manner. When she finally landed on the ground again, her breathing was heavy, heart beating fast against her chest. Nora wiped the sweat from her forehead with her sleeve and, looking around, noticed the handful of soldiers who seemed to have been watching her.

Hange approached her with a big grin, eyes gleaming, cheeks flushed. She couldn’t have done too bad, then. Not that she had anyone to compare with so far. Before she could say anything, Nora heard the buzzing of wires and a soft thud at her back. She turned around and took in the soldier who had just landed right behind her. Even though she had never seen him up close, she recognised him immediately.

 _Humanity’s strongest_. Captain Levi’s face was stony, slate grey eyes fixed on her, expressionless. The inky black hair, neatly trimmed into an undercut, further punctuated the sharp lines and angles of his face. Before today, she had only seen him once or twice from afar on his horse, but she knew from the gossiping of her former Garrison comrades that he was rather short. Yet, with that piercing gaze boring through her, she felt a lot smaller than him, even though he couldn’t have had much more than two inches height on her.

“Who taught you to handle your blades like that?” he asked without introduction, a sharp edge to his deep voice.

Well, shit. Of course, wielding her swords differently than they were taught wouldn’t sit well with her superiors. All throughout her time in the Cadet Corps she had gotten flack for it, even though Nora’s ranking had spoken in her favour.

She forced herself to look into those startling eyes when she answered. “No one did.”

The stony-faced man lifted his eyebrows, his cold glare unrelenting.

“It just… works for me,” she added, eventually averting her gaze when she could not bear the scrutinising look anymore. The other soldiers at the scene were watching them, their expressions ranging from indifferent to alarmed.

“Are you the brat from the Garrison?” Levi asked. Nora still could not tell if he was bored, angry or both. At least now she knew that clearly not everyone here was nice and approachable. Her mouth drew into a tight line.

“I switched over from the Garrison division, yes.”

His eyes narrowed. “I take it you’ve never fought a titan, then?” Was he planning to demean her in front of Hange and his squad just because she had never been outside the walls? Well, she absolutely refused to be ashamed of her decisions.

Straightening her back, Nora replied, “No, I haven’t yet. When Wall Maria fell, I was ordered to protect the outer wall of Trost District.” Her eyes hardened at the memory. “So I saw… _them_ , I saw what happened. But I wasn’t a part of the troops engaging in the ODM fight.” _And the Survey Corps wasn’t either, that day_ , she mentally added, defiant. She braced herself for a verbal attack, or worse, more uncomfortable questions with a group of strangers as witnesses. Instead, Levi only scowled at her.

“I expect you at my office after lunch. Don’t be late, brat.” He turned away, gesturing for his squad to follow. Without looking back, he added, “And go clean yourself up, you’ve blood and sweat all over your face. It’s disgusting.”

Then, they marched off. Petra threw her a last, confused glance that must have mirrored the look on Nora’s face.

Before she had the chance to open her mouth and ask Hange what the hell that just was, the woman was already on her, throwing an arm around her shoulders like they were old buddies. “That settles that, then. After your little performance just now, I wanted to ask you to join my squad. But Shorty had to call dibs.”

In the process of wiping at her cheek and indeed discovering a smear of blood on her palm, Nora looked up at the gleeful woman. “What are you even talking about? I only got insulted and then invited to his office, either for interrogation or to be given shit about my sword technique, I don’t know!” she said, the stress finally getting the better of her.

“Not at all! At least, that’s not the main reason. Levi’s always like that, with everyone.” Hange thought for a moment. “In fact, this is one of his better moods. Believe me, he wouldn’t call you to his office if he didn’t want you in his squad. He has handpicked each of them, you know.”

By now, they were walking back to the HQ. Nora, still firmly tucked under Hange’s shoulder, stared at her with blatant incredulity. She wanted to outright deny that statement, but that would be ignorant of the fact that the brilliant woman walking alongside her had known the grumpy bastard for years, probably, while she didn’t. At all. Either way, she still expected the meeting that afternoon to be rather unpleasant. However, a part of her was reassured by Hange’s assertion about Levi’s character. She could deal with abrasive, rude behaviour even—as long as it wasn’t targeted at her as an individual, and her alone. Hell, she wasn’t exactly sunshine and flowers either.

## #

The cut on Nora’s cheek was pretty shallow, but had left a thick smear of dried blood down to her jawline. Thick strands of her long, sandy hair had come loose during her exertions, forming a frizzy mess around her face. Her usually flat, dark brown eyes were oddly bright. All of this combined lent her a crazed look. No wonder Levi had rudely commented on it.

By the time Nora had washed her face and cleaned the wound, the bleeding had stopped almost completely. She dabbed at it carefully, deciding she didn’t need to cover it. By tomorrow it would be scabbed anyway.

She glared at her reflection, combing through her mane with her fingers, the hair tie back at its usual place at her wrist. Slaughtering a dozen training dummies had tired her arms out, so she didn’t even consider to bother braiding her hair back.

When she deemed herself presentable enough for lunch, she went straight to the dining hall. She was pretty early, so there weren’t a lot of soldiers staring at the new one entering the room, fortunately. Nora heedlessly loaded her tray with a little bit of everything they were serving: pea soup, bread, potatoes, nothing fancy. Her appetite was absent today, so she didn’t care anyway. However, her eyes lit up when she spotted the tea kettle, and she helped herself to a cup, filling it close to the brim, needing it as fuel as much as the food.

Looking around, she intended to pick an empty table in an unobtrusive corner, but Hange had spotted her and waved her over. Even though Nora could have used some silence to recharge, she also felt relief. It was nice to have at least one comrade enjoying her company. Giving Hange one of her rare and rather short-lived smiles, she took the opposite seat.

They were about halfway through their meal when the seat to Hange’s right was pulled back, only to be occupied a second later by none other than Levi. _Were the two actually friends?_ She had known both of them for barely half a day, yet Nora could not wrap her head around the possibility. His tray mirrored her own, she noticed—a sustainable amount of food and a cup of tea even fuller than hers had been. Scowling at the table, he lifted it to his mouth, holding it in the oddest way she had ever seen; his palm over the open top and fingers on the brim instead of the handle. Without the faintest clunk, he put his cup back on the saucer, suddenly lifting his eyes to hers and catching her observing, fully absorbed in his peculiar mannerisms.

“What are you staring at?” he growled, full-on glaring at her.

 _Damn it_. She _hated_ feeling intimidated by anyone, and quickly fought to shake it off. But she wasn’t insane enough to say “What a daft way to hold a cup”, so she shrugged and opted to mumble “Nothing” into her tea. How pathetic.

Thankfully, Hange took Levi’s menacing conduct as a perfectly normal conversation starter. Maybe it was, with him.

“Did Erwin already tell you that Nora here is interested in titan research? We’ve had a really interesting discussion earlier, and she even said that—”

“Shut it, Shitty Glasses,” he interrupted, already annoyed with her, “I know. Great. As if we needed any more lunatics here.”

Unperturbed, Hange continued shoving her food into her mouth. Without glancing up from her plate, Nora nonchalantly remarked, “Well, you have to be at least slightly crazy to become a Scout in the first place.”

“You’re not wrong about that. But it doesn’t have to be on batshit-level.” Levi’s bored gaze was resting on her once again, at least not outright hostile, this time. Nora managed to return it evenly, with maybe the faintest blush on her cheeks. Just in case, she covered it up with her cup. She couldn’t help that the man was so unnerving.

“You would know, of course.” Nora said before she could stop herself.

His eyes narrowed. “Careful, brat. I could shut your big mouth before you even know what—"

“Aw, you guys are going to get along so well, I can already see it!” Hange squealed, causing Nora to almost choke on her last sip of tea. _Levi was right. She is a complete lunatic._

“Stop talking shit already. I don’t need it with my lunch,” he said to the brunette, his face still remaining expressionless despite the vulgarity of his words.

Levi stood up, turning to Nora. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.” She had no choice but to follow him out of the hall, with at least two hundred pairs of eyes on them.

“Have fun, you two!” Hange shouted in a sing-song voice.

 _I think I might strangle her later_ , Nora thought, putting one hand over her face.


	2. Living Conditions

They were silent on the way to his office, so Nora had the chance to contemplate everything that had happened today. She still could not know what Levi’s thoughts behind their weird exchange after her ODM training had been, but she guessed she would find out soon enough. Her mind was reeling at the possibility of her joining his squad, thanks to Hange’s insinuation. She smothered a snort—that could not be true, at the very least not after their confrontation over lunch just now. That was just as well; it would have been a major pain in the ass to work with—no, _under_ —him. At the same time, it would have been a huge chance. The bastard was supposed to be the best of the best.

Mulling this over in her head, Nora realized she hadn’t been exactly respectful towards him. Not once had she called him—or amicable Hange, for that matter—captain, or addressed him with _sir_. It had simply not occurred to her; the way today went. Adhering to these kinds of useless conventions had always been an issue. In theory, she knew why it was customary in the military, but a stubborn part of her brain insisted that adding useless honorifics after every sentence was ridiculous and an utter waste of time. Well, after their pleasant exchange at lunch, she was certainly too proud to come crawling for forgiveness or start bootlicking. As a compromise, she resolved to remain professional from now on, as long as Levi kept his insults on a moderate level—by his standards, of course. Defend, don’t attack, was her new motto.

Walking at a swift pace, they reached his office soon. He ushered her in without a word, closing the door behind them. Nora swallowed. She did not doubt that she was standing in the cleanest room of the small castle that was the Scouts’ headquarters. Even more, she was quite sure she had never been in a room this immaculate and orderly in her entire life. The floor, and every surface, was shiny and polished to perfection. Not one pen was out of place on his desk, and she could not see a single speck of dust anywhere. The window behind his desk was so spotless it seemed to have no glass in its frame and the books on the shelf next to it were sorted by height and colour. She fought the urge to fix her hair and straighten her blouse. _What a psycho_.

“Sit,” Levi ordered, indicating the chair in front of his desk with a tilt of his head.

As soon as they were both seated, his steely eyes locked on her. He would not miss a single flinch, the shortest hesitation.

“Erwin told me you were the leader of a Garrison unit stationed at Wall Sina’s Ehrmich District.” He paused, so she nodded once.

“Why did you join the Scouts?” Levi asked without missing a beat. At least he got right to the point, Nora could appreciate that much.

“I’ve always wanted to go outside the Walls, and I’m interested in learning more about the titans and how to destroy them so we can reclaim—”

“No,” Levi interrupted, “I mean: Why did you join the Scouts now, after ten years at the Garrison? When you’ve made it to team leader, safe and cosy at Wall Sina, with the government shoving a hefty salary up your pampered ass? And don’t lie to me, I’ll know.”

Heat shot to her face, anger boiling in her chest. _Pampered ass?_ That arrogant prick did not know a single thing about her.

“What’s the deal with this interrogation? My personal reasons should be irrelevant, seeing as they have nothing to do with the Survey Corps,” she bit out.

He leaned forward, eyes darkening. “I’m afraid this kind of useless non-answer is not enough for me, brat. Erwin might not care about your intentions, personal or not, but I certainly do. So I suggest you fucking start talking already, I won’t waste the whole day.”

“What do you think, that I’m a fucking spy for the government? I’m not an MP!” she burst out, glaring at him. His voice was dangerously low when he answered.

“So you say. But I will think whatever the fuck I want as long as you don’t provide me with a plausible explanation.”

Maybe Nora would have been afraid, if she hadn’t been shaking with barely suppressed rage. Levi seemed to know that exactly, eyes glinting with an unspoken challenge—and an unconcealed threat. No matter what he had said, he wouldn’t relent until he had gotten what he wanted, even if it took all night. The arsehole wasn’t worth her time, but she’d rather bite her tongue off than tell someone like him about her mother.

“I’m pretty sure you aren’t the type for sob stories, _captain_ ,” she spat out in a much softer voice than she had used before, “so I’ll leave it at that: if not for certain… family ties that… resolved themselves two months ago, I would have joined the Scout Regiment ten years ago, right after graduating the Cadet Corps. That’s it. Take it or leave it.”

They were battling a silent staring contest for what felt like an eternity, but Nora refused to look away, to give in, or make it look like she was lying or hiding something. She had never been a liar; she despised lying, in fact. She might not say everything, but she certainly meant everything she said. The only thing she was hiding away was hers, and hers alone to share or keep as she saw fit; everyone was entitled to show as much or as little of their most private thoughts and feelings as they wanted.

From this close, she could see that Levi’s eyes did not have even a hint of colour in them. True steel-grey. They were as hardened as the rest of the man. No way would she show vulnerability in front of him.

With a sigh, Levi leaned back in his chair, his face once again in an indifferent mask, as if the past minutes had not affected him in the slightest.

“Fine. That’s enough, as long as you don’t give me any reason to distrust you.”

Some, but not nearly all of her pent-up anger dissipated. She could not remember when the last time was that someone had her fuming like this.

“I’ll take it we’ll move the conversation to more pleasant matters, then? Will you next interrogate me about how I hold my swords?” she asked tartly.

He rolled his eyes, his entire demeanour dismissive. “No. We will talk about your integration into the Special Operations Squad, you snotty-nosed brat.”

He couldn’t be serious. She must have misheard. After everything that had just occurred? Slack-jawed, Nora stared at the man sitting across from her.

“Your… _your_ squad?” she ground out.

“Of course, my squad, you idiot. Now shut your mouth and listen.”

Only then did she become aware of the stupid expression on her face. For once, she complied to his order.

“Your skills in the training course today weren’t half bad for a Garrison good-for-nothing. You thought fast and found solutions when faced with unexpected obstacles. Nothing you did up there was by chance, including the way you use your blades. You may still be shit as soon as we go outside, but at least we’ve got something to work with.”

The insults did not cover up that _Levi_ , of all people, had just complimented her skills in the field. Nora could not fathom how their talk had taken such an unexpected turn. He had gotten the little trust issue out of the way, and now it was back to business, or what? How odd.

“We’ll start your training tomorrow,” he continued, “what are you most shit at?”

Nora blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I mean your skills as a soldier. You can save us time and tell me, or I’ll find out tomorrow anyway. Clearly, it’s not handling your ODM gear.”

He had a point there. Good that she wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

“I’m shit at hand-to-hand combat,” she said, seeing no use in sugar-coating anything.

There was a slight twitch in the corner of Levi’s mouth. “Tsk. At least you seem to have some common sense.”

Nora shrugged. “Over-confidence won’t keep me alive.”

His gaze was inscrutable, but he looked a tad less indifferent than just moments ago. After a few seconds, he said, “I’ll see to your training over the next few weeks, and you’ll ride out on the next expedition as part of my squad. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now get out.”

She did not bother to say anything else when she left.

## #

The rest of the afternoon, Nora hid away in the training room. She went through soothing movements and poses she had once found in a book, using only her own body as a tool to improve balance and flexibility. Even though she tried her best to concentrate on the physical sensations, her mind continued to drift away to the more than unpleasant encounter she had just endured. With her now- _captain_ , to make matters worse. She sighed, thinking how much easier life would probably be if she’d ask Hange to let her join her squad instead.

But neither her pride nor her reason allowed her to even consider that. No matter how insufferable he may be, Levi was still humanity’s strongest. She wouldn’t give up the chance to be in his squad without even trying. If it turned out to be a disaster, so be it. She had endured worse.

Just to make sure she would get a lone spot at a rear table, Nora arrived to dinner five minutes early. She rolled her eyes when she saw a certain black-haired person already sitting in the dining hall, scowling at his food. Doing her best to avoid looking at him, she chose the corner farthest from him. Tomorrow was early enough to start dealing with her new squad leader—she had already had her fill for today.

When she was almost done with her meal, Nora spotted Hange entering the hall, looking about, and then heading straight to Levi. The bubbly woman was talking to him, gesturing wildly. Scowl deepening, he seemed to answer in monosyllables. Out of nowhere, Hange burst into laughter and patted Levi’s shoulder, who looked like he was about to bite her head off. Nora shook her head in puzzlement. If the two were indeed friends, it was the weirdest friendship she had ever seen.

Surprisingly, Hange didn’t sit with the morose captain, but turned and walked straight to her corner table, pulling the chair across from Nora noisily and plopping down with a satisfied grunt. After shoving two bites of bread into her mouth, she said, “So, I take it your little interview earlier went well?”

Nora let out a dry laugh. “Whatever led you to this conclusion? If you mean ‘absolutely infuriating’ by that, then sure.”

“Why? He chose you for his squad, did he not?”

“After interrogating and not-so-subtly threatening me like some criminal, yes.” Nora kept her voice level.

“Ah, that.” Hange waved her objection aside as if it was nothing. How aggravating. “Just let Shorty bark. He can’t talk to people without being gruff. Also, he’s not exactly the most trusting person. It’s all part of his charm.” The easy-going woman grinned at her.

“Oookay…” That was certainly one way to look at it. Nora decided to let it go for now—she didn’t really know him, after all. And it wasn’t like manners had ever mattered to her, if she was honest. More often than not, she was the one lacking them in social interactions, but at least _she_ didn’t resort to name-calling. Usually.

The main reason she was pissed about was him sticking his noise in her private matters—and lumping her in with a corrupt Military Police piece of shit to boot. _Stop being so childish_ , she thought, shaking her head at herself. After all, _he_ didn’t know her either. And he had backed off in the end. Kind of.

“You two are friends, then?” she asked Hange, who shrugged.

“Well, yeah, sure. Though you wouldn’t hear him call anyone that,” she said, untroubled, watching Nora over her glasses with a contemplative expression on her face. She added, “Some people are just… not as sociable as others, I’d say. And my impression after today is that you know that all too well, yourself. But here at the Scout Regiment, we don’t really care about that kind of thing.”

A small smile formed on Nora’s lips at Hange’s words. It was strange, really. Her day had been an unpredictable mix of ups and downs; nothing had been quite like she expected. And yet, she already felt more like herself than she ever had in the Garrison Regiment.

## #

It was well past midnight when she finally fell asleep, and she dreamed of her mother. She had to do it all over again—watching her getting worse, and sometimes better, only to be devastated when it then got worse than ever before. How at first, her body had started to fail her gradually, followed by her mind, in the end. Until there was nothing left of the strong, caring woman who had been her anchor—and her best friend—throughout her whole life. Her deterioration had been a slow, painful process spanning too many years.

Morning could not come fast enough, despite her lack of sleep. The first rays of sun woke her, the memory of her mother not recognizing her own daughter anymore fresh on her mind. Fighting back tears, Nora instead focused on her anger, an emotion she could handle better than gut-wrenching grief. No wonder she had bad dreams after Levi had insisted on needling her, that prick.

No use dwelling on that; the sooner she moved on, the sooner she might be free of those nightmares. Maybe. Grabbing her clothes, Nora slipped out of the room before any of the other girls stirred. Today, she took the time to braid her hair back carefully. She had a hunch her captain would not go easy on her.

Thanks to the rough night, she had time to kill before training started. Tired and cranky as she was, she ‘stole’ two cups of tea and some bread from the dining hall, looking forward to enjoying her breakfast outside, in silence. She walked around the HQ building until she found a bench, which was a good enough retreat for now, but certainly not in the hustle and bustle of the later morning hours. With that in mind, Nora resolved to check if there was easy access to the roof later. It looked nice and flat, with a battlement serving as enclosure.

After she had brought back the emptied cups, she decided to linger right outside the front entrance of the HQ. It seemed to be some kind of an unofficial meeting spot for anyone waiting up for squad members before heading off to somewhere on the compound. By now, the sun was out in full force, and the air filled with the chitchat of the soldiers around her. Some of her roommates nodded at her in passing with friendly, though impassive, smiles on their faces. She could not fault them for not stopping for a chat since she had not really made an effort to connect with them the prior evening. She could only take so much socialising a day.

And there was Levi, his heavy-lidded eyes more noticeable than yesterday. He did not seem like a morning person, either. Nora pushed off from the wall she had leant at and stood straight. His searching gaze found her quickly.

“There you are.” _Good morning to you, too_. She nodded.

“Come on, we’re practicing hand-to-hand, as you’ve probably guessed already.”

He led her to a nice, grassy spot a small distance away from other Scouts practicing. While it was always great to do this out of spotlight, there was clearly something missing.

“Where’s your squad?”, she asked, earning a scowl. “Sir,” she added belatedly.

“They can do their training without my supervision most of the days. It’s their cleaning duties that need surveillance.” Levi got in position a few paces from her. “You, on the other hand, are new, and obviously needing instruction. I have no intention of wasting their time just to have them kick your ass. I can do that myself.”

Even though Nora could not know how accurate his title was— _humanity’s strongest_ was quite a bold claim, after all—she had no doubt about that. No matter how weird the guy was. Bracing herself, she adopted a fighting stance. He corrected her stance with a few curt but helpful remarks instead of coming straight at her, at least.

“We’ll work on your defence first. Try to deflect or avoid my blows.” And with that, he attacked.

She managed to fend off the first two punches with some difficulty. Although it seemed he was using predictable moves on purpose, his speed and precision made the job hard anyway. The third blow connected with Nora’s jaw, drawing a sharp gasp from her. Already, she felt heat simmering in her chest. Oh, how she despised hand-to-hand combat. Levi’s expression was unsympathetic.

“Don’t look just at my hands,” he said. “You have to watch my step, the shift in my upper body before I throw a punch, and my face. There are enough tell-tale signs to betray your opponent’s intentions.”

Pressing her lips together, Nora gave a tight nod, fighting to keep her temper in check. How couldn’t she _love_ instructions from someone who’d just hit her head?

“Now pay attention,” he barked, “’cause I won’t move any slower than that.”

_Slower?_

Levi came at her once more. This time, she managed to dodge and block successfully for a while, his punches only grazing her once or twice. But then, he was done playing—with a feint of one arm, Levi managed to hit her square in the face with the fist of the other. And even though he had slowed down—possibly to dampen the impact in the split-second left—Nora’s nose got the worst of it. The sudden burst of pain made her see red.

“You bloody—” Rage threw every rational thought out the window, and she launched herself at him with a screech.

Before she knew what happened, he had her restrained, her back pressed tightly against his front, right arm locked in-between in a vice-like grip that made it impossible to move even an inch, unless she wanted to dislocate her shoulder.

Being trapped like this did nothing to dissipate her blind fury. Nora was seething.

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” she hissed through clenched teeth, chest heaving.

“Not until you calm the fuck down,” Levi said in a dangerously low voice, right above her ear. For the first time since they had started the practice, there was a hint of exertion in his breath, ghosting hotly over her cheek in an increased pace. When she tried to wriggle free, he tightened his grip. She hissed in pain. No chance in hell could anyone be able to escape that death grip of his.

“You know why you’re shit at this?” His rumbling voice made the hairs on her neck stand up. “You’re letting your anger get the better of you.”

“You don’t say?” Nora snapped. As if she didn’t know that already. Levi ignored her biting sarcasm.

“Anger can be a good motivator, and you certainly cannot turn off your emotions. But you have to control them, utilize them, not the other way round. If you want to survive, _think_.”

He was right, of course. She knew it, and she hated it. Usually, she was good at keeping a clear head in difficult situations—she had managed when Maria fell, she had managed with her mum—but it was almost impossible to control herself in situations like these. Something in her just short-circuited whenever someone punched or grabbed her.

Forcing herself to relax in his tight grip, Nora managed to take a few steady, calming breaths through her still stinging nose.

“You done with your tantrum, brat?” Levi asked. She nodded tightly, and he released her.

“Get in position, then.”


	3. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one covers Nora's first few weeks.  
> Beware of the banter.

When Nora made it to lunch, still riled from the ass-kicking she had received over the course of the morning, Petra waved her over and invited her to sit with them, “since you’re one of us now”. They were all far easier to deal with than their bad-tempered superior. Petra, quick to smile, seemed to be nice to everyone—though she definitely showed teeth whenever Oluo, an insufferable smart-ass, got on her nerves. The man wore the same white cravat his captain sported and tried to imitate Levi in demeanour, as far as Nora could tell, though he failed miserably at it—mainly because he liked to hear himself talking far too much.

Gunther and Eld were both pretty quiet men. Eld, who seemed a bit older than the other three (probably closer to Nora’s age), cracked the occasional dry joke. But in contrast to the light-hearted banter between his squad-mates, Gunther remained serious throughout the whole lunch break, every sentence he spoke deliberate and sensible.

All in all, though a lively bunch, they didn’t seem quite as rowdy as some of the other Scouts. And they sure as hell were miles better than most of the Garrison drunkards Nora had to deal with on a daily basis. Between Petra and Oluo’s bickering and Eld’s blunt remarks putting them in place when needed, Nora luckily wasn’t obliged to say much.

In the afternoon, she got to choose her horse. At the Garrison, only a select few duties involved the need of a mount, so soldiers there usually didn’t have their ‘own’ horse. Nora had always liked riding—only ODM was a better way of movement—so that had been another disappointment when she had joined the Garrison. Now, she was kind of glad she hadn’t had one to get attached to; it would have been hard to leave it behind.

The squad showed her to a small paddock with three currently owner-less horses and told her to pick whichever; having no idea what she was to look for if she wasn’t supposed to try to ride each of them beforehand, she shrugged and went for the lone buckskin at the far end corner, standing apart from the other two animals. The mare wasn’t too tall, which was probably a sensible choice for a tiny soldier like her, and she liked it well enough when Nora rubbed her forehead, prodding the woman’s cheek affectionately with her velvety nose.

A smile worked its way onto Nora’s face. She hadn’t meant to get too attached to anyone, but maybe she would have to make an exception.

## #

After Levi had deemed her riding “passable”, he ordered her to clean the stall of her new horse. Then, she was to go to the training room.

“If you insist to use your blades like you did yesterday, you’ll need more strength in your arms. A single, too shallow cut, and you could end up titan food.”

Everything he’d commanded her to do today made perfectly sense—the workload was a challenge, though, for a single day. Nora’s limbs were mushy and sore from the combat training, but she had no intention of giving this away. Her stubbornness drove her to nod and comply, silently plotting to only sit down for a moment when her captain was out of sight.

Anger and pride were a good motivator, after all; she had never experienced this before, usually not bothering to proof anything to anyone but herself. Something about Levi evoked that side of her, however; one look from him was enough to stir up her blood, and she wanted to fight, to press on, to _show_ who she really was. It pissed her off.

Of course, he came into the stable to examine her cleaning job, and of course, he did it right when Nora had sat down barely a minute ago. She stood up as soon as she noticed him. Levi did not scold her for finding her like this; instead, he went right over to her stall, where her buckskin was munching happily amidst fresh straw, and peaked inside.

“Inadequate,” he said, and she felt the heat rise once again, together with a vivid image of her hands around his neck.

“Care to elaborate?” Nora asked with great restraint. “Because all I see is a fresh, tidy horse in a fresh, tidy stall. I’d like to know which criteria do not meet your standards, so I can rectify them.”

“I’m happy to oblige,” Levi said, matching her tone perfectly. “There’s dust between the bars, dust on the sill, dust on the trough. This is a horse stable, not a pigsty. ‘Rectify’ that.”

He was watching her now, his expression bored. Nora needed to wait two breaths before she was able to compose an answer that did not include any profanity.

“Oh dear, my bad. Can’t have a speck of dust in a stall within a building full of more dust and horse shit.” Okay, almost no profanity.

Expression unchanged, Levi said, “Insolent brat. Ever got kicked for your sarcastic, disrespectful attitude?”

“Not yet,” she said, now glaring, “Unless you count getting whacked by an insufferable clean freak this morning.”

As soon as it was out, Nora knew she had gone too far. She found that she didn’t give a damn.

Eyes narrowed dangerously, Levi got into her space in the blink of an eye, causing her to flinch, even though he did not touch her. She pressed her back against the sliding door of her stall, returning his glare defiantly. This close, she had to lift her chin and look up to meet his eyes, reminiscent of cold steel right now.

“Now that you mention it,” he murmured, the sound vibrating through her body, “All of a sudden, I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s whacking session, brat. Now do what I fucking commanded you to and finish your cleaning duties. Properly, this time.”

And he backed off, gone as fast as he’d come in, leaving Nora with an unpleasant mix of emotions she didn’t even want to identify. But she was well aware that outrage and a sliver of fear were accompanied by something entirely different: a sense of… excitement, that should have no place whatsoever with the first two.

## #

It got better. A bit, at least. She would be lying if she said the encounter in the stable was the last time she fought with Captain Levi. No, whenever he pissed her off, she couldn’t help but let her mouth run its course, her bad temper only topped by his; standing up to his harsh provocations and getting a rise out of him brought Nora an odd sense of satisfaction.

But over the days passing, melting into weeks, their disputes became somewhat less hostile. It helped that though the captain’s orders and instructions were tough, they were also sensible; even outright clever most times. It was impossible not to respect someone as capable as him, no matter how unpleasant that person was. Without a doubt, Nora learned a lot over a relatively short time span, improving quickly.

She even managed to get used to the hand-to-hand combat training. For the most part. Levi’s instructions were concise and it took all her concentration to apply them on her technique, leaving her little capacity for getting too angry. Apparently, you could get used to almost anything if you were just forced to do it often enough.

More times than not, they argued over cleaning duties. Nora learned quickly that it was a well-known fact across the whole regiment that Levi was a massive clean freak. Even her fellow squad mates grumbled about it—when the man in question wasn’t in hearing range, of course. No matter how outlandish his order—clean the windows a second time, wipe down door handles, polish the cutlery in the dining hall, dust off every shelf in the storeroom, for fuck’s sake—they complied with a brisk “Yes, sir!” and got to work with their tails between their legs. No wonder they looked at Nora as if she harboured a death wish when she, instead, answered by uttering a snarky or sarcastic remark—though she always did as he said. Levi was the captain, after all. Besides, he never exempted himself from the duties.

Another factor that helped the circumstances was Hange. Her and Nora had become fast friends and sat together at mealtimes whenever Nora wasn’t eating with her squad and Hange not with a bunch of other high-ranking soldiers. As it happened, Levi shared a table with the energetic, extroverted woman—the two of them polar opposites—almost every time. That meant, Nora came to sit with him regularly, with Hange acting as a buffer of sorts.

“So, how’s Nora’s training going, these days?” she asked Levi about three weeks in, as if the woman in question wasn’t sitting right there.

Levi’s disparaging gaze trailed over her. “She’s a mighty pain in the ass, but at least it’s not a waste of time.”

“Gee, thanks,” Nora said.

“You must be doing pretty well, then!” Hange deduced, poking her arm.

“What the… Did you even hear what he said?” Nora frowned at the cheerful woman, who nodded, grinning.

“Don’t even try to make sense of her,” Levi said to Nora, “you’re not the only pain in the ass at this table.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet of you!” Hange smiled at him.

Nora shook her head, amused despite herself. “What’s so awful about me, anyway? I always do what you say, and I—”

“You’re bad-tempered, foul-mouthed, and shit with teamwork and communication.” Levi took a sip of his tea, watching her over the rim.

She couldn’t quite disagree with him there, so Nora changed her tactics. “That’s the pot calling the kettle black. Seriously, this might be the single most hypocritical thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Tsk. At least I don’t wet myself in excitement every time Shitty Glasses here spouts useless titan facts.”

“No, you only get excited when you get to _clean_ something. Are you that afraid of a bit of dirt?” She leaned forward in challenge.

Levi’s expression remained impassive. “Big words from a grown-ass soldier who looks like she’s about to shit herself when she has to clear out a wasp’s nest.”

Nora couldn’t come up with an immediate comeback, her cheeks heating up. She did hate those stinging arseholes. The unfortunate incident had occurred a week ago, and she had been too chicken to complete the task on her own. Oluo had come to her aid, and he was never going to let her live it down.

Hange’s barking laughter brought an end to their childish spat. “Thanks, you two. I’ve just finished my last fiction book yesterday, so the entertainment is much appreciated.”

None of the two cared to respond. Instead, and without either of them realising, they lifted their cup of tea simultaneously—a black-haired soldier with one corner of his lips quirked upwards on one side of the table, and a sandy-blonde wearing a scowl on the other—and took a sip.

Yes, one could get used to nearly everything. Even an above-average rate of shit jokes and blunt, unfiltered insolence. Take it, and dish it out. Dish it out, and take it. Whichever came first.

## #

One thing that could be said for Nora’s new life as a Scout: she never got bored. Not when training with her squad, not in the time she spent with Hange and her research, and certainly not when she was trading barbs with her captain. If Nora were to say a single good thing about Levi’s personality, it would be that she took great pleasure in the black humour he possessed, his habit of cracking bone-dry, outrageous jokes with a straight face. No surprise he was the only one who never raised an eyebrow when she, herself, said something dark or inappropriate. Everyone had their own coping mechanisms, she thought, and apparently, she shared at least one with the captain.

Between her activities, there wasn’t much time for anything else. And what little time there was, she preferred to spend on her own. She needed it desperately, to be honest. The young women she bunked with didn’t see much of her, and on the few occasions one of them made an effort to talk to her, Nora didn’t quite know what to say, and the conversations ended up rather short-lived and awkward, reminding her of her time at the Garrison. She knew that was on her, of course, but it was just as well: her years of uncertainty lay far behind, and she had no desire to change who she was, who she had always been. It would be nothing but a farce, anyway. Her energy was better invested elsewhere.

Her new life kept her busy, for certain. And she actually _liked_ it. She wasn’t happy, no, and Nora doubted she would ever truly be, again, unable to forget the past—but she wasn’t empty anymore. Not like she had been when she had first arrived here. Anger, exasperation, even the occasional bouts of deep sadness she experienced at night; these were all better than not caring at all. Better than being crushed by hardship and grief so intense she couldn’t bear to feel it anymore.

For the first time in forever, Nora wasn’t just alive, she was _living_. Living, and being no one else than her true self. It was all she asked for, and it was enough.

## #

“Weiss, may I have a moment?” Erwin’s prominent voice rang out behind her.

Well, above her. Nora turned, looking up at the tall, imposing man towering over her. Sweaty from ODM practice, she was about to enter the HQ and wash up before lunch when he caught her right outside the door. What could the commander possibly want from her? She fervently hoped Levi hadn’t complained about her.

“Yes, Commander?” She schooled her face back into a neutral expression.

“Since the 48th expedition is barely a week from now, I thought it a good idea to check in with you as a new member of the Scouts. We haven’t had the opportunity to talk ever since Commander Pyxis arranged your interview.” Erwin’s scrutinizing gaze rested on her.

Nodding once, Nora waited for him to continue.

“First, congratulations on making it into the Special Operations squad. That’s no small feat.”

“Oh, er… thank you.” She didn’t really feel like she had done any “feat” at all.

“I hear you are doing fairly well in your training. That aside, I wanted to hear from yourself how you’re adjusting. Your routine here now must be quite different from your everyday life back at the Garrison, yes?”

“I guess it is,” she said, frowning at a point over Erwin’s left shoulder, “But to be honest, I’ve adjusted better than I ever managed to at the Garrison, pretty much from the first day I got here.” Briefly, Nora remembered the heated conversation with Levi in his office. “Well, maybe from the second day,” she amended.

The commander’s lips drew into a small smile. “That’s good to hear, then.” He paused, still watching her with a calculating expression. “One more thing: As you seem to be rather… independent, I wanted to give you a small reminder for your first time outside the Walls.” Erwin’s heavy eyebrows emphasized the stern look that was now on his face. “If you want to survive, follow your captain’s orders, no matter what. He is, without a doubt, our most capable soldier, and his decisions may very well be what keeps you and your squad alive. Do you understand?”

Sensing that a simple nod would not be enough of an answer this time, Nora said, “Yes, I understand,” forcing herself to look into the commander’s eyes.

Erwin nodded, satisfied, turning to go. But something was nagging at the back of Nora’s mind.

“Wait—If I may, I have a question.”

Blue eyes meeting her browns again, he said, “Go on.”

“This might sound stupid, but… Who told you I was doing, and I quote, ‘fairly well’ in my training?” Because there was just no way the only person who had reason to talk to him about her progress would say something like that.

One eyebrow lifted, Erwin answered, “Why, Captain Levi, of course.”

“Excuse me, but…” Nora shook her head, an incredulous smile tugging on her mouth. “You were paraphrasing, right? Sir?”

The amusement on the commander’s face was obvious. “Not as much as you probably assume.”

## #

She had been right about the roof. It was the perfect place to retreat and think, or just to spend some time alone and read in peace. The weekend before the expedition was used for home leave or trips to the nearest town by the majority of the regiment, so Nora had the bedroom to herself right now. Still, she wanted to make the best of the remaining rays of sunlight for the day, now that the oppressing afternoon heat had abated.

The book on her lap was still open on the same page she had started at a while ago, however. Her thoughts were wandering back to the conversation with Erwin the day before.

No—she was mulling over Levi, to be precise. At breakfast, he had been his usual, grouchy self; it was hard to imagine him praising her in front of the commander. Or at all, period. If not for that little talk, Nora would think the captain’s rating of her was just barely reaching “not a waste of time”.

No matter how inconceivable, she was positive that Erwin wouldn’t make something like that up. It was gratifying, even though she wished she wouldn’t care what Levi thought of her. Obviously, she did. Not because he was her superior; rather because he was brilliant and capable. That was the plain truth. And Nora had never cared much for the social graces.

Besides, bickering with him was kind of fun. Especially those few times their increasingly vigorous back-and-forth would cause his emotionless façade to slip and his eyes of steel to flash, burning more than whatever creative insult he flung back at her. A strange heat flared in Nora’s chest at the mental image, spreading up over her face to the roots of her hair.

With a groan, she ran her hands through her long mane, fingers curling to fists around the strands, and she shook her head at herself. She should seriously reconsider her hobbies.


	4. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning up the heat.

In the quiet hours of the night, Nora liked the dining hall best. By then, it would usually be deserted on weekdays. Only on weekends would soldiers sometimes remain there until the early morning hours, playing games and drinking beer, their raucous laughter reverberating over the entire floor.

Now, she found the hall empty. Perfect to sit with her book at the table nearest to the counter, waiting for the kettle to brew. Ideally, she would be asleep in her bed this late. But it couldn’t be helped, and she preferred reading and a cup of tea over useless tossing and turning. The first (well, first for her) expedition was right around the corner, and it didn’t impact her already troubled sleeping habits positively.

She looked up from the book resting between her elbows on the table when she heard the door opening. Captain Levi had entered, and judging from the glances between the tea kettle and herself, a thought process similar to hers must have brought him here. They looked at each other for a few seconds. At such a late hour, you didn’t really expect to run into anyone, which was probably why the usually impeccably dressed captain had shed the outer parts of his uniform, leaving him with just trousers and his shirt, the top two buttons opened and his trademark cravat nowhere to be seen.

Nora’s eyes were drawn to the naked V of his collarbone. Her cheeks heated up when she caught herself staring, and the realisation that she had made herself comfortable in a similar manner made it worse. She had opened quite a few buttons on her blouse, tugged it out of her trousers, and her hair was spilling down freely over her chest. The way Levi’s eyes trailed up and down her form made it clear that he had taken note of her dishevelled appearance as well. Nothing about their more casual getup was exceptional or improper at a time like this, yet Nora felt distinctly uncomfortable.

The whistling of the tea kettle put her out of her misery. She leapt up, took it off the stove, and, after a moment’s hesitation, got two mugs from the cupboard. Really, it was obvious he had come for tea, and pouring one only for herself would just be an arsehole move.

Without looking at his face, she held one cup out for him. By now, Levi had come to lean on the counter as well, a bit more than an arm’s length distance between them.

“Thanks,” he said when he took it from her, and the fleeting brush of his fingertips as well as his unexpected use of that word made her look up. The grey eyes were fixed on her, as inscrutable as ever. Why was it so incredibly hard to hold his gaze? Nora felt antsy. She busied herself with a sip from her cup. It was way easier in a different setting, when there were other people, and daylight, and more _clothes_.

As infuriating as it was, she knew the reason. Lying had never been one of her strengths, which included lying to herself, and she had known for a while—probably since their first encounter, somewhere in the back of her head—that Levi was, in fact, visually appealing to her. A fact that was usually easier to ignore. But the way he was partly… undone right now made it impossible. The lack of additional layers—and distractions— laid his attractiveness out in the open, dangling in front of her nose like a damn carrot for a horse.

_Get a grip, Nora._

“Figured you’d be the type staying up late,” she said to him, just to break the intense silence. Levi’s gaze had not strayed from her once, not even when he lifted his cup to his mouth in that weird grip of his and took a sip.

“And you? Shouldn’t a brat like you be tucked away in her bed by now, dreaming of ponies and shit?”

She rolled her eyes, oddly relieved that he was being an abrasive ass again.

“How old do you think I am? I’m not even sure you’re older than me, to be honest.” To her surprise, a smirk formed on his lips at her words.

“First, it’s not really about the age, _brat_. Second, you’re wrong about that.”

“You think so? How old are you, then?” she asked, intrigued against her will. “I tell you mine, you tell me yours.”

“Tsk. I know how old you are, I’ve seen the paperwork about you.”

“Then you should really tell me. That’s just unfair!” Nora protested.

“You think I care?” Levi was watching her; his expression utterly disinterested. Well, she was too stubborn to give up now.

“Come on, I gave you tea!”

They engaged in another staring contest. Nora could still feel the warmth in her cheeks, watching the strands of black hair falling to his tired, heavy-lidded eyes; the sharp cheekbones, the clear lines of his jaw. But she refused to back down.

“Fine, then”, he relented, his tone exasperated. _Wait, that really worked?_

“Thirty,” Levi said.

She tried to hide her astonishment, but judging by the way he smirked at her again, she failed.

“Are you taking the piss?” Nora asked. In answer, he only looked at her with an annoyed expression.

“Well, that… that’s still only four years older than me,” she stammered. He shrugged. And he was _still_ staring at her. So unnerving.

“I guess I can sort of see it, with you looking so weary all the time,” Nora said when she had gotten her bearings, lips quirking upwards.

Levi scoffed. “You’re one to talk. Ever looked in a mirror in the early morning? You look like you’re about to bite off the head of the first person trying to talk to you.”

“Hey! I’m not a morning person, what can I do! And how am I supposed to look like getting pummelled first thing after breakfast?” Nora was caught off guard that he had noticed. Then again, he was incredibly perceptive for someone who apparently did not have any interest in others. “Also, you look like that all the time,” she added defiantly.

“No shit, brat.” Levi scowled, though there was a slight spark in his grey eyes. For some reason, it made her heart beat faster. She had the distinct feeling the bastard was enjoying himself.

“Seriously, though,” Nora began after a few seconds of stretched-out silence, aiming for a casual tone, the antsy feeling threatening to return in full force, “How much do you sleep at night?”

She should have known better than to ask another personal question. His scowl deepened.

“None of your business. Stop asking me about shit that doesn’t concern you.”

 _Well, that’s that for the night_.

Rolling her eyes, Nora snapped, “Fine, then.”

## #

The unexpected encounter in the dining hall had done nothing to help her fall asleep. Though, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, Nora had to admit to herself that it had been… interesting. And quite entertaining. She could still feel that intense, steely gaze on her, and the thought of it heated up her entire body. As did the memory of the soft brush of his fingers, the baritone of his voice uttering crude remarks, and the damned exposed skin of his collarbone. She pressed her fists into her eyes. Something was seriously wrong with her. Why must she have that kind of physical reaction to her antisocial captain, of all people?

Sure, he was obviously attractive; she would not be the only one to think so. But even more so was Erwin, for example, speaking from a strictly objective standpoint; tall, blond and blue-eyed, with that chiselled face of his. Yet her personal tastes clearly did not share that sentiment. After all, she wasn’t lusting after the commander, or anyone else, for that matter. No, only the sight of Levi stirred something within her chest. And further down.

Sighing quietly, she knew that there was only one thing to be done: Ignore these unwanted… thoughts, and wait for them to go away.

## #

With the dawn of the following morning, the expedition was only two days away. Levi had ordered her back to one-on-one combat practice, a decision she did not quite agree with, considering it wasn’t Nora’s top priority so shortly before her first venture into titan territory. But arguing about it with her captain would be utterly useless. He’d just go harder on her. Plus, she had riding and ODM practice with the whole squad in the afternoon.

Levi was teaching her how to escape restraining grips, or prevent getting caught in them in the first place. That meant she was allowed to try every dirty trick she could think of, including headbutts and kicks in the groin, which should have been fun, except Nora was growing increasingly agitated with every time he grabbed her. The continuous closeness of his body was fuelling her anger—and something entirely different at the same time. Of course, it was causing her to lose her focus, no matter how hard she tried clinging to it, which pissed her off even more. He finally managed to pin her down into the dirt.

She was breathing heavily, glaring at him. Her wrists were caught in the tight grip of Levi’s fists above her head and her legs were pinned heavily under his. Nora could do nothing but wiggle uselessly with his face just out of reach. His infuriatingly calm breath was ghosting over her. He was close enough that her nostrils filled with his scent. Tea, and soap, and something unique to him, sweet and musky and _heady_ all at once. Intoxicating. It caught her off-guard.

Her limbs slackened under his firm grip, and Nora found herself at a loss for words, the naked fury she had been consumed with just moments ago vanishing into thin air. In reaction to her surrender, Levi’s grasp loosened automatically, eyes planted on her face, something unreadable in his expression. Nora returned his gaze wide-eyed, her mind running behind, the warm, hard weight of his body and his smell still invading her senses. This close, she could see there were bright flecks of silver in his steel-grey irises.

In the blink of an eye, he was gone, standing at two steps’ distance. She got up clumsily, feeling unsteady on her legs. Afraid that her face betrayed anything—though she didn’t even know what that could be—Nora busied herself with brushing off the dirt from her uniform. Thankfully, Levi spoke, so she didn’t have to think of something to say.

“When you’re pinned like that by someone stronger than you, you’re fucked.” His voice was weirdly tense, but without the barest hint of exertion. As if he hadn’t just spent time fighting and wrestling her to the ground. Did this man even know physical exhaustion?

“I noticed,” she answered, her voice strange to her own ears.

“Great. Then don’t let it get so far.”

She scowled at him. “Sure, no problem. Nothing’s easier than avoiding getting subdued by a freakishly strong and fast…” She had no idea how she wanted to finish that sentence.

“Then just be glad _I_ won’t be out there getting you. But there sure as hell are more than enough assholes you’d have a fighting chance against with the right technique. Or a chance of escape, at least.”

Nora sighed. She didn’t ask why he even thought she might need these skills in her future as a Scout. She had seen and heard enough in her time at the Garrison.

And she had heard enough about her father, gone so long she couldn’t even remember him.

Who knew what kinds of challenges were lying in their futures?

“Yeah, I know,” she answered, deep in thought, “But worst-case scenario, the only thing that could possibly save me would be a knife up my sleeve—literally.”

Levi didn’t disagree with her.

## #

At lunch, Nora joined her squad-mates. The table talk wasn’t pleasant, however; they were discussing the upcoming expedition, like everyone else. Oluo was using the topic at hand to brag about his kill count, in his usual oh-so-subtle demeanour.

“…might possibly exceed thirty, I expect. Especially with our rookie here,” he was saying, giving Nora a condescending once-over, “I’ll probably have to save her arse, too, when she sees her first titan.”

Petra rolled her eyes at him, but Nora barely stirred. Somehow, it was impossible for her to take the haughty Levi-wannabe seriously. Not when she had to deal with the original on a regular basis—who was, admittedly, one-of-a-kind.

“I certainly hope you’ll be too busy showing off your impressive skills to your captain,” Nora said to Oluo in her most pleasant voice, “I think I’d rather get eaten than have you being an insufferably smug pain in the arse about it for the rest of our days.”

Petra burst into laughter, and even Eld and Gunther cracked a smile. Oluo glared at her, a faint flush creeping over his neck to his cheeks and ears. “You greenhorn have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said as regally as he could muster, “Just wait till you see your first soldier swallowed, and you’ll be screaming for help!”

Narrowing her eyes at him, Nora hissed, “Oh, believe me, I know exactly what it looks like.”

For a while, no one said anything else, her reminder that she had been witness of Wall Maria’s fall—as they had overheard Nora telling Levi on her very first day—enough to end the childish spat.

“Well, I guess there might be a chance you won’t _completely_ lose it your first time out there, Nora,” Oluo eventually relented. Overlooking his snooty manner—you got used to it pretty quickly—she took the peace offering.

“We’ll have to wait and see,” she said, shrugging her shoulders with an easiness she did not feel, “though I’m sure I wouldn’t be the first to wet myself out there.”

“Ha, you wouldn’t even be the first one at this table,” Eld said, “in fact, our mister badass here and Petra—”

“Hey! Leave me out of this!” Petra intervened, looking as mortified as Oluo.

For the first time in days, Nora laughed out loud. Eld grinned, but didn’t elaborate any further. Feeling somewhat lighter, Nora leaned back in her chair, a smile still on her face, and gave Petra to her right a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Maybe eating with her squad wasn’t so bad, after all.

## #

The day before the expedition passed in a blur. Everyone was busy with preparation: tending to the horses, cleaning and repairing gear, checking their supply of swords and signal flares, packing equipment on wagons, going over the formation one more time with Erwin, and so on. The goal for this mission was pretty straightforward: Scout out as much of the stretch between Trost’s gate and the breach in Wall Maria as possible within half a day’s travel, and set up a few supply bases along the way. Ideally, they would find and map out shelters suitable for this purpose, such as sturdy buildings, small caves, or dense forests. How far they’d come would depend on the amount of trouble they’d run into.

By the early afternoon, Nora was done with her assignments and in deep conversation with Hange over a cup of tea, discussing abnormal titans, what they already knew and what they should be prepared for.

“If we happen to come across one on four legs, we can only hope that Levi is close by, really. They’re crazy fast,” Hange was saying, eyes wide behind her glasses. “When shit hits the fan, all you can do is shoot the black flare and hope your horse is fast enough.”

How… reassuring. Nora’s gut twisted painfully. “Any tips on how to engage one of them when outrunning is impossible?” she asked.

“Well… it may be a good tactic to cut its hind legs before going for the neck, that would slow it down. Oh, and keep in mind that abnormal ones might not reach for you, but snatch you out of the air with their teeth instead. So you’ll have to be extra careful manoeuvring around them.”

Well, shit. Now she felt sick. “That’s… sound advice, Hange. Thanks.” Nora said woodenly, her mouth dry.

The bespectacled woman—who had, in just one and a half months’ time, become the closest friend Nora had ever had—wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders and squeezed, the brown hair mixing with her lighter-coloured strands.

“Don’t look so glum, Nora. It’s not that probable we meet one of those buggers. Though that cheesy colour on your face does make your cute freckles pop out even more,” Hange teased, earning a half-hearted grin and a soft headbutt from her friend.

“Enough of them,” Nora said, wrestling herself free of Hange’s vice-like grip, “What about the speaking titan that woman in the notebook you found mentioned? Wouldn’t it be absolutely awesome if we managed to catch—”

“I see the two maniacs are at it again,” a voice Nora recognized all too well interrupted. Levi was leaning in the doorframe closest to the counter the two women were currently sitting on. “Don’t you have anything better to do than drinking tea and sputtering crazy ideas before tomorrow?”

Nora regarded him coolly, taking a sip from her drink. “Don’t act like you aren’t here for your own cuppa as well.”

He scowled, and she knew she had caught him. Hange giggled. “Come on, you already snatched her for your squad! At least let me have the occasional scientific exchange. And maybe some research assistance in the future,” she said.

“If it bugs you, be faster next time, four-eyes,” Levi countered, looking bored. He strode over to them, indeed grabbing a cup from the cabinet next to Nora’s head, pouring in the steaming hot liquid from the near-empty jug. He stayed there, leaning against the counter with only a hand width between her thigh and his hip. She suppressed a shiver at the sudden proximity.

“You know, Nora has a curious mind. And we’re totally buddies by now,” Hange was saying, raising equal measures of abashment and gratification in the blonde woman, “so, if she turns out to not be a perfect fit for—”

“No chance in hell,” Levi interrupted. Then, as if he needed to explain something, he added, “I’ve already put time and effort into training the brat.” He sipped his tea.

“This is getting weird,” Nora said, twirling a strand of her sandy hair around her fingers, “you two realise the soldier in question is sitting right here while you two are fighting about where to best shove her off to?”

Grinning, Hange said, “I would call this a friendly squabble about strategic placement.”

Levi gave an exasperated grunt. “Shove it, Shitty Glasses. There’s nothing to discuss. Quit your bullshit and go annoy your own squad.” He washed out his already emptied cup of tea, rinsing and polishing with practiced movements of his hands until it was spotless once again.

Then he was on his way out, pausing on the doorstep. “Nora, clean your horse’s stall when you’re done here.”

“But it’s only been—” Her captain was gone before she could finish her sentence. She turned to Hange, seeing that her grin was now reaching from ear to ear.

“What’s so damn funny? I just got more cleaning duties thanks to you! Is getting a rise out of him your favourite pastime?”

“It’s certainly up there,” Hange said with glee, “and it’s usually not as easy as this. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”

Slowly but certainly, Nora’s patience was wearing thin. “Keep _what_ in mind?”

“That I’ll just use _you_ to provoke him, dummy!” Hange nudged her shoulder, and what she said next made it certain for Nora that the brunette was pulling her leg. “He likes you, Nora.”

Alright, it was time to go. Putting her empty cup down on the counter with more force than necessary, Nora hopped from the counter, shaking her head. “Seriously, Hange, you’re fucking weird. Levi probably doesn’t like anyone, and certainly not me. I’m gonna go shovel horse shit now.”

She was already by the door when she heard, “Whatever you say. Just don’t be surprised when he starts patting your head!”


	5. Welcome to the Hellmouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since an expedition takes place in this chapter, I thought it a good time to mention the archive warning I slapped on this story. This is Attack on Titan, after all...

The stars were especially bright tonight. Nora would probably have a clear sight of the sky and her surroundings tomorrow, only broken up by the occasional farm house. The inside of Wall Maria wasn’t the same as going beyond all the walls, of course, but she’d heard it was close, with nature having overtaken the vastness between the scattered villages. Her whole life, she had been surrounded by high buildings and stone, the small stretch of sky visible in-between usually clouded over with street dust. Where she was standing right now, on the roof of the Survey Corps HQ, was the closest she had ever been to freedom.

“You really should be sleeping by now, brat.” Levi’s voice came out of nowhere, startling her. Once again, his footsteps had not been perceivable to her ears. At a safe distance to her right, he leaned his elbows over the battlement, turning his head to the night sky, just as Nora had moments ago.

“If I could, I would,” she said, still taken aback by his sudden appearance. “Also, how did you know I was up here?”

“I didn’t, you idiot. If I knew someone was up here, I wouldn’t have come in the first place.”

Of course. Nora resisted the urge to slam her hand against her forehead, thankful that the darkness obscured her face, reddening with embarrassment.

“That’s unfortunate for both of us, then,” she said.

Levi ignored her pointed remark and continued to gaze at the stars, so she chose to do the same, only daring one or two glances in his direction. Not for the first time, she wondered what he might be thinking about. Something about his stoic expression was different; she might be imagining things, but he almost looked… sad.

After she did not know how many minutes, he broke the silence.

“You up here often? Or just for a special occasion?”

“Sometimes,” Nora admitted. “And you?”

“Occasionally.” Levi turned and looked at her. “You know, I could order you to go to bed, soldier.” His voice lacked bite.

Nora met his eyes, trying—and failing—to figure him out. The man and his moods were an enigma.

“You could,” she began in a careful voice. “But we’ve both never been known to care much for hierarchy and subordination.”

“Tsk. If I did, I would have kicked you out of my squad by now.”

“Yeah, most likely,” she said, smiling at him. Levi was watching her, the way he often did: almost like they were playing a chess game, and he was waiting for her next move. Though he did not smile back, his face softened almost imperceptibly.

Nora’s eyes strayed to the southern horizon, thinking about where she would be tomorrow.

“You were probably right,” she admitted to Levi without looking at him, “I must be insane. I _know_ what’s waiting for me out there, I’ve seen the titans pluck soldiers from the air and crush them like it was nothing. It’s not something you ever forget. I’m fucking terrified.” Her eyes were wide, and they seemed to catch the starlight when she turned to the man standing at her side. “And yet… I can’t _wait_ to ride outside these damn walls.”

It was oddly freeing to mouth these thoughts. Something eased in her chest, and it was clearer to her than ever before that she was right where she was supposed to be—no matter what happened the next day.

Levi’s gaze held hers with a rare intensity, a far cry from his usual indifference. Instead of insulting her foolishness, he asked, for the first time in six weeks, “Why did you join the Scouts?”

It threw her off. This time, she knew immediately what he was asking about. The look on his face made it hard for her to think. Did he still not trust her?

“Why do you ask?”

Levi took his sweet time to answer. “I am asking out of personal curiosity,” he finally said, his steel-grey eyes still locking her in place.

This, she had not expected, and Nora let out a slow breath, her heart beating hard against her ribcage. Then, she spoke in a low voice, devoid of any emotion.

“My mum got sick shortly before I was done with my military training. It’s always been only the two of us. Naturally, I couldn’t abandon her. So, I decided to join the Garrison, because I couldn’t stomach the MP, and took care of her as well as I could. She died this year. I was free to join the Survey Corps—as I’ve always wanted. The end.”

Swallowing around a lump in her throat, Nora looked up again, having averted her eyes while talking. She hadn’t anticipated how much it still hurt to say it out loud.

Maybe Levi hadn’t, either. In his face, she saw a reflection of her own pain, and she knew without a doubt that he understood. Intended or not, he was showing her a part of himself he usually kept away, carefully hidden behind the walls he had erected around himself, always.

It gave her the courage to ask. “Who did you lose?”

Finally, he looked away from her. “Same as you,” he answered. “My family.”

## #

“You okay?” Petra asked, steering her horse next to Nora’s.

“I’m fine, thank you,” she said, and it was mostly true. Of course, her stomach was doing backflips, and she couldn’t quite stop her hands from shaking. But she was also eager, and impatient. The gate out of Trost was slowly lifting before them. _So close_.

The formation of today’s expedition was a diamond shape, and the Special Ops squad part of the outer right flank. One of the most dangerous positions. Well aware of this, Nora checked once again the signal flare on her hip, and then, searching for something to do with her fidgeting hands, her hair, secured into a bun at the nape of her neck. No way was she risking the possibility of a titan grabbing her long braid mid-air.

Levi had ordered Eld and Oluo to ride at Nora’s right, the outmost position within their squad. Petra and Gunther would flank her left side, with Levi, of course, leading in front. She trailed her eyes from the back of her captain’s head down to the Wings of Freedom insignia on his cloak. She was pretty sure her central position within the squad today was no coincidence. It seemed to be the safest option for a new recruit.

Then, the gate was wide open, and Erwin gave the signal. Comrades were shouting all around her, and they broke into a gallop. Seconds later, and she was outside.

She looked around, the group of soldiers leaving behind any signs of civilisation rapidly. All Nora could see was green, and even more green. A forest on the horizon, slowly growing bigger with them approaching. A sparkling blue river to their east, snaking downhill and disappearing out of sight. To the left, a small building in the distance as the only evidence that there had been people here before them, once. She gazed at the sky in wonder; the sun stood high, illuminating the deepest blue she had ever seen in her life. Flocks of birds were flying far over their heads, and she felt her fluttering heart settle, as if she was already up there with them.

“Not bad at all,” Nora muttered, a small smile forming on her lips.

When she eventually focused her eyes back to the front, she saw Levi had turned back to her, watching her intently. She could only guess at what he was seeing on her face, what he was thinking, his gaze inscrutable as ever.

“It’s quite nice, isn’t it?” Petra said to her. Nora nodded, struggling to put it into words, and fearing she would give away a secret, private part deep within her if she did say something. Oluo spared her the need to answer.

“Yeah, until the first titan’s coming round the corner. May I remind you of the imminent danger of death? This isn’t the time for sightseeing, ladies.”

Rolling her eyes, Nora looked straight ahead. His pompous, condescending prattle wasn’t worth acknowledging. He was saying something about the need of “constant vigilance”, when he stopped mid-sentence with a pained groan. To her left, Petra burst into laughter.

“Bit your tongue again? Serves you right, smart-ass.”

Nora grinned at her. What a perfect ending to this conversation.

They passed the first base—erected in the glade of a copse of trees in an earlier expedition this year—without any incident, and Nora thought they might reach their first destination—the dense, tall forest they were heading to—without running into trouble.

That was when they heard thundering footsteps. Nora’s heart sank. It had been long since she’d last seen them, and it had always been from above, never from the ground. Eld cursed and fired his signal flare.

“Two approaching quickly from southeast, captain! About twelve metres each.” Oluo yelled, though Levi could already see that quite clearly over his shoulder. “Shall we engage?”

“You go on. I’ll handle it and catch up later,” their captain said, and was already galloping straight towards the titans.

“But… there are two!” Nora shouted, mindlessly pulling the reins to follow, when Petra grabbed the left rein of Nora’s horse firmly.

“Trust him! If he says he can handle it, he can handle it.” Petra’s eyes were wider than usual, but overall, she seemed composed. “It’s the safest option for the squad,” the redhead added when Nora opened her mouth to object.

Pressing her lips together, she nodded tightly. The five of them pressed onwards, Nora’s eyes not once straying from the captain’s form, watching over her shoulder. By now, Levi had reached the titans, who had noticed him on his horse, stupid grins on him. He stood up in his stirrups, shot his hooks into one of the titans, and he flew. From then on, everything happened so fast that Nora struggled to follow with her eyes.

Levi manoeuvred himself over their big heads, then shot downwards onto the neck of the first titan, slashing while spinning through the air. Without pausing, he moved onto the next, taking him down in the same motion. Nora hadn’t even seen him using his wires again or changing direction, he’d moved so fast, incredibly smooth. The titans didn’t have time to lift their arms more than halfway before they went down onto their knees, steaming. He landed on his horse without touching the ground once and had caught up with his squad half a minute later.

When he passed her to take his place on the lead, she was still watching him. He looked positively feral with the steaming titan blood covering a good portion of his face.

After that little incident, they reached the forest. What was left of the whole formation gathered in a dense part somewhere in the centre, where even the smallest titans would have a hard time reaching them. Nora was relieved to see Hange, alive and well. But the Scout’s had lost eight soldiers from the rear of the formation to another titan attack. The surviving members of the affected squads were staring at their commander with empty eyes, some of them covered in dried blood that hadn’t dissipated, unlike that on Levi.

“Our losses so far are of a tolerable extent. After we’ve set up this base, we’ll press on to our next destination,” Erwin was saying.

“Ever the pragmatist, our commander,” Nora mumbled, “though I suppose that’s the secret of his—of our—success.”

Levi threw a glance in her direction, but said nothing.

## #

The supply squads worked swiftly, and only minutes later, the regiment was on the way out of the forest, spreading to their long-distance formation as soon as they had reached open field again.

The next destination—a small, but sturdy fort at the edge of a village—was an hour’s ride away, and judging by the position of the sun on the horizon, they definitely would have to make their way back to Wall Rose after that. Though she wasn’t immune to the beauty of her surroundings, and the exhilarating sense of freedom coursing through her veins, Nora did not allow herself to relax for a second. _As long as there are titans swarming all around our little world, there won’t be real freedom._ It was impossible to forget.

A cloud of black smoke from the southwest wing drew their attention.

“Shit,” Levi and she cursed in unison.

“Abnormal approaching from southwest!” Someone to their left shouted a second later. It would probably never reach their position, but the thought of the soldiers at the left rear made Nora’s stomach plummet.

While the others were still distracted by the disconcerting news, Nora threw a cursory glance to their exposed right side.

Her blood froze.

“Four titans running towards us from the east!” she shouted, her voice feeling strangely detached from her mind. Fingers shaking, she fumbled for her signal flare, and shot.

Levi’s head had shot to the direction of the titans upon her exclamation. He quickly assessed the situation, and the amount of trouble they were in.

“Do not break ranks just yet,” he ordered, “they’re damn fast and will reach us soon enough anyway. Engage on my command. Nora, Gunther and I will approach from the left, Petra, Oluo and Eld will take the two on the right. Try to draw them away from each other and get them one after the other.”

The rest of the squad shouted a “Yes, sir!”, voices filled with determination, but Nora’s voice had deserted her. She felt icy all over, her rapidly beating heart seemed no longer a part of her. Her eyes were fixed on the four approaching titans with single-minded focus, her surroundings and the distant shouts and screams of fellow soldiers falling away. All she could hear now were the heavy footsteps, growing louder with every passing second. They were so close now she could make out not only their broad grins, but the colours of their eyes, widened at the sight of the six of them with mindless greed.

“Now!” Levi shouted, and they launched themselves up. The sensation of flying sped up Nora’s thinking, and she saw one big arm coming at them, saw Levi shifting, his intention of cutting it up before it could reach its mark at once crystal-clear to her.

She swung around the first titan’s shoulder, trusting her captain to prevent the arm from grabbing her, and dove at the neck, her blades slicing through. She was met with an unexpectedly hot, thick spray of blood, burning on her cheeks and in her eyes, and Nora had to shut them for a mere second.

When she could see again, she realized she was in trouble. The second titan’s attention was not, like she had expected, on Gunther and Levi, dashing by right in front of its ugly face, but instead it had shifted to her, arms stretched out and about to crush her.

In the split second she had left to react, she shot herself at the ground, her hooks still plunged deeply into the titan she had just killed. She felt the gust of air when meaty hands met with a loud clap, right where she had been only a moment ago, and immediately tried her best to avoid a hard impact with the rapidly approaching ground, using her gas to propel herself away.

But her downward momentum was too strong, and there wasn’t enough time. Her left leg collided hard with the earth before Nora managed to push upwards again.

By now, Levi and Gunther had dispatched the second titan, falling down in a hiss of steam next to the heap of flesh that was remaining of the other one. She landed on the ground in a tumble, her leg unable to support her. The pain set in suddenly, and excruciatingly, and her breath left her with a strangled scream.

Two sets of legs landed at her side, and Levi’s voice was suddenly at her ear.

“Are you alright?” he asked urgently.

Nora had to take a few breaths before being able to answer. “It’s fine, just hurt my leg. What about the others?”

“All four titans are down. Everyone here’s alive.”

Relief washed over her, dampening the pain for a blissful moment. “I think I might need help getting on my horse,” Nora said, voice strained.

“Yeah, figured. Gunther’s already fetching it,” Levi said, some of the tension finally fading from his tone. His face came into focus, his right cheek close to her left, and without preamble, he pulled her arm over his shoulders and helped her up, supporting her injured side.

The drain of the adrenalin and the strain of the fight had left her weak, and she knew she would not be able to stand on her own with her injury, so Nora was glad of his help. At the same time, it was probably good the pain was distracting her from the warmth of the hard side of his body against hers, and his right arm snaking around her frame, his hand steadying her at the hip.

The squad had gathered around them, everyone else already back in the saddle. In his usual no-fuss conduct, Levi grabbed her around the waist with both hands and lifted her up her horse as if she weighed nothing. Nora struggled to righten her seat on the saddle, face screwed up in pain. Before she could figure out how she was supposed to spur on her steed with her fucked-up leg, Levi had steered his black mount to her side and took her reins without comment.

“Where are we even supposed to go now?” she asked to distract herself from the torture caused by the skipping movements of the ride.

“There were smoke signals south of us,” Eld said, “I guess you haven’t been able to see… Looks like retreat, but we’ll know how bad it is once we get there.” His face was grim.

“Be ready for everything,” Levi warned them, “there’ve been a shit ton of smoke signals from the west flank before, and we don’t know if the others have already taken down all of those ugly bastards.”

The regiment was already visible in the distance when a piercing scream split the air. The six of them galloped to the peak of a small hill on their right, and the scene that greeted them brought Nora back to that horrible day four years ago, when they lost one third of humanity.

Down the slope, a titan was standing in the grass, surrounded by carnage. Blood was splattered over its misshapen body and staining the grass at its feet. From its mouth protruded a pair of legs. It bit down, and with an awful crunching sound, the severed legs fell to the ground, all what was left of the eaten Scout.

The scream had come from a heavily bleeding soldier crawling away from the massacre. With a jolt, Nora realized that she not only recognized his face, but also knew his name. Dominic. His laughter was always one of the loudest ringing through the dining hall.

Levi was gone in a flash, spurring his horse down the slope at breakneck speed. The titan, a blond specimen with small eyes, plucked Dominic from the ground like a forgotten toy.

“No! Please!” he cried, and bile rose in Nora’s throat at the anguish in his voice. Levi launched into the air. The titan stuffed Dominic legs-first into his mouth. It bit down at the same time blood exploded from its neck.

What was left was a steaming heap and the upper part of the poor soldier’s body, lying motionless on the ground. The expression on his face was a slackened version of the terror he had experienced before his death. Eternalised.

Finally, everything was silent. No one said a word when their captain cut off the emblem from the jacket of the fallen comrade. And no one said anything on their way back to the regiment.


	6. Pangs

The sight greeting the Special Ops squad at the meeting point with the rest of the Scouts wasn’t much different from what they had just experienced over the hill. The fight had carried almost all the way to where the regiment had assembled; Nora could make out blood and stray body parts spread out in the grass a small distance away, a few steaming carcasses lying in between. The sickly warm stench of fresh death wafted to them.

When Erwin decided they were complete—that is, complete with all _surviving_ soldiers—they pressed on back to the base they had passed first today, to tend to the worst wounds of the injured without risking another attack. Nora spent the trip on one of the carts, thankfully, which was more bearable than horseback.

Back in the glade that served as supply base, she settled on the grassy ground, propped up against the thick trunk of a tree, blankly staring at her rapidly swelling leg. There was a huge bump on her knee, and her ankle was so swollen and tender she had to remove her boot, which turned out to be an excruciatingly difficult endeavour.

All in all, her left leg hurt like a bitch, enough to erase all other thoughts and gruesome images about everything that had happened earlier from her mind. Enough to keep her grounded and sane. For the moment, at least.

She had never been more thankful for pain before.

Nora looked up when a shadow fell over her. Her eyes took a moment to adjust, trying to recognise the face looking down at her, outlined by the setting sun partially hiding behind the canopy. As soon as her eyes got used to the stark contrast between the blinding light and dark-haired head, she found herself pinned by the ever same, scrutinising gaze of Captain Levi. He looked pissed; nothing unusual there. The shadows under his eyes, however, seemed slightly more pronounced than just hours ago.

 _Might be all the body parts and blood splattering everywhere, combined with a serious lack of tea intake._ The thought shot unbiddenly through her head. A sick urge to laugh rose in her chest.

Levi lowered his gaze to her mangled leg, which Nora had propped up, bent slightly, trying to relieve the pain somewhat.

“I see you managed to dislocate your knee and probably break your ankle with your clumsy crash-landing. Quite the stunt you pulled back there, brat. Way to keep the suspense.” Even though his words were as gruff as ever, his voice sounded somewhat jaded.

Nora managed to shoot him a quick glare before his penetrating stare forced her to avert her eyes.

“I couldn’t see all too well with the steaming titan blood in my eyes.”

She tried to roll up her pant leg, wincing and giving up immediately when another sharp wave of pain hit her.

The captain rolled his eyes. “Tsk. You won’t get those pants off that swollen clump of yours. Just cut them open, idiot.”

Without further ado, he drew a knife from his belt, crouched down beside her and sliced her left pant leg open from seam to mid-thigh. Before Nora could utter more than an indignant “Hey!”, he had already put his hands on her swollen ankle, carefully lifting it. His grip wasn’t tight, but she still drew in a sharp breath to counteract the pain.

Nora surreptitiously looked him over while he quickly inspected her ankle, then her knee. Though his clothes were speckled with blood, he was completely unhurt. Every drop of blood on him seemed to be from the titans he had killed earlier. And most of it had already evaporated.

 _He is inhumanly fast and strong_ , she thought not for the first time that day. _How is that level of speed and skill even possible?_ Never had Nora seen anyone move the way he did, and as much as she hated to admit it, she had never been more impressed by anyone in her life. Obviously, she would rather bite off her tongue than tell him this.

“Could be that your ankle’s just sprained, not broken. Either way, I’ll have to splint it and set your knee,” he informed her nonchalantly, pulling her out of her musings. Levi’s hands were already moving towards her upper leg.

Now Nora felt truly uneasy. “Wait— _you_ want to set my knee? Now? Shouldn’t Hange—”

“Four-eyes is currently busy with people who’re in danger of bleeding to death,” he interrupted her, impatience clearly written on his face, “now shut up and hold still.”

Before she could even process what was about to happen, he gripped Nora’s calf with one hand, her knee with the other, and gave a hard jerk. The pain was sudden, violent and all-consuming, her vision exploding to whiteness.

“Fucking _shit_ , that hurts!”, she cried out, followed by a string of additional curses.

Fortunately, the sharp pang quickly dulled to a bearable ache. She looked down to her knee, now looking sort of normal again—though twice its usual size—to the captain’s face. While his frown suggested his usual indifference, one corner of his mouth was tilted upward slightly.

“Nice vocabulary you’ve got there,” he deadpanned, rising to his feet. “Now sit tight, I’ll get something for your shit ankle.”

Was he _amused_? The bastard. Gritting her teeth through the agony, she scowled at him. Returning her look rather blankly, he didn’t even lift an eyebrow before turning his back on her.

“Up yours,” she muttered to his already retreating form.

## #

Pain and indignance had stopped her from wondering why the captain, of all people, tended to her wounds—he wasn’t exactly the caring, empathic type, and he could have easily ordered someone else to do it—but now, right after he was done with a provisional splint of her knee, she was watching him bandaging her oversized, hurt ankle and could not help but be slightly bemused.

Levi worked in silence, handling her foot so gently that it did not cause any additional pain. ‘Gentle’ was certainly a word Nora would never have associated with Levi. Until now, she had thought him incapable of doing _anything_ gently. With his head lowered, the sharp features of his face stood out; finely shaped eyebrows, a straight nose, high cheekbones, the angular lines of his jaw. She looked away before he caught her staring, the silence between them suddenly of a different quality.

When he was done, he lowered her foot down to the grass slowly, supporting it with one hand on the heel, the other on her calf. The soft grip on her bare calf lingered, and his eyes wandered upwards, trailing over her exposed leg, her torso, to her face. Nora felt heat rise to her cheeks, suddenly acutely aware that Levi’s hands were on her naked skin.

Thankfully, the moment broke before he could notice her strange reaction. He rose abruptly and, without a word, turned and walked away. It had lasted barely long enough to be sure she hadn’t imagined it, but she could still feel the heat on her calf, where his hand had been, and his steely eyes boring into hers.

## #

Only after he was gone did Nora realise how much Levi’s presence—as callous as it had been caring—had distracted her, _steadied_ her. On the way back to the safety of Wall Rose, there was nothing to deviate her thoughts from everything that had occurred that day. She was probably still in some state of shock, which was fortunate for her, and bone-tired from the pain and everything her body and mind had endured.

But slowly, realisation began to settle in, rendering it impossible to fall asleep on the cart. Images flashed before her eyes, and her whole body began shaking under the blanket she was wrapped into. The ground rushing up to meet her after the titan had narrowly avoided her with its fists. The severed body parts spread out in the grass. Anonymous, bloodied legs tumbling to the ground from a big, grinning mouth. The blood exploding from Dominic’s body as the titan bit down on it. Over, and over, and over, they repeated themselves.

Due to the exhaustion and the absence of adrenaline, her mind was unable to keep up its defences. And with the sole exception of flying, Nora had never been good at shutting out her racing thoughts. Her stomach lurched, and she leaned over the wooden edge of the cart, retching and vomiting and choking until there was nothing left inside of her.

Panting for air, she propped herself up, wiping her sleeve over her lips. And she saw that Levi, and the whole damn squad, riding close by, had witnessed everything. _Fucking perfect_. She leaned back into the cart and closed her eyes.

## #

Back at the HQ, Nora was ordered bed rest in the hospital ward for at least a few days, depending on how fast the swelling would recede. Her left leg was basically a big, lumpy clump. Good news was that her ankle wasn’t broken, only badly strained. The bad news; with her knee and ankle busted up, she would be unable to participate in any form of physical activity that could not be done while sitting down for at least a month. And while Nora had never enjoyed doing strenuous workouts to stay fit, it was a necessary part of her training, and therefore important to her.

Maybe it wouldn’t matter, anyway. It could well be that Levi decided to kick her out of his squad. After all, she had almost gotten herself killed in her first titan fight and in the process rendered herself useless for weeks. Probation failed, she supposed. Nora buried her face in her hands, willing herself to quit wallowing in self-pity. At least she was still alive. Even though it had been an incredibly close call.

Hange visited the following morning, bringing a stack of books from her own office she thought might interest Nora, as well. The bedridden young woman had to swallow a lump in her throat; she was incredibly glad to have a friend like Hange in her life, and that the loud, messy, crazy, genius woman obviously returned her affections. And it had happened while being unapologetically herself; no hiding, no acting. It was a first for her, and it had started on the day she had joined the Scouts.

What had happened yesterday changed nothing; Nora could never go back to her life before the Survey Corps, she knew that much. She had tasted freedom, and she had seen what it cost.

“How are you?” Hange asked with a soft smile.

“It could be worse.”

They exchanged their experiences from the expedition. Hange’s squad had been right behind Erwin’s at the front centre of the formation, so she had suffered no casualties. Nora first recounted how Levi had dispatched two titans on his own.

“It was freakish how easily he took them out,” she said, trying for casual tone, “I mean, have you ever seen someone move like that?”

“No one else but him, no. He is on a whole other level than us mere humans,” Hange agreed with a chuckle.

“Yeah, that speed and strength isn’t… normal. At all.” Nora turned her head to the ceiling, thinking. “Have you ever considered, well, examining him? I mean, he must have piqued your scientific interest.”

“What a question. Of course I have! He kindly told me to fuck off, that he’s not a lab rat, and that he bleeds just like everyone else,” Hange said, laughing. “Though, far less often, I suppose. It’s a shame, really. Would have been great to cut him open without, you know, killing him.”

Nora laughed with her.

“On the subject of your captain, he told me you got hurt taking a bad landing?” Hange said.

The smile on the blonde’s lips died. “I know, it was stupid.”

“What are you talking about? You managed to kill the first titan you engaged, on your first expedition, no less. And you’re still in one piece.”

There was nothing but honesty on Hange’s face, eyes big behind her glasses.

“Glad your expectations aren’t higher than this,” Nora eventually said, making light of her insecurities.

Grinning broadly, her friend answered, “That’s no small feat, believe me.”

## #

The Scout Regiment had lost 42 soldiers in yesterday’s expedition. According to Hange, it wasn’t always this many, especially since Erwin had become commander. But the Abnormal had been on them in a flash, followed by seven regular titans, and overwhelmed the squads at the southwest part of the formation.

Hange was also the one to tell her that all four of her roommates had died. They had been in the same squad, at the edge of the formation, where the abnormal titan had struck first. Sure, Nora had been the odd one out, not exchanging more than the occasional sentence with the close-knit group, but they’d never been anything but friendly to her. And now, they were gone. Just like Dominic, and many more.

She was relieved when Hange left for lunch, leaving her alone behind the curtains framing either side of her bed, a tight feeling in her chest. Her appetite was gone, eyes stinging, yet her face remained dry. She hadn’t shed a single tear since… her mum. It had not helped her then, and it certainly would not help anything now. Nora grabbed one of the books from the stack now resting on her bedside table, determined to shut out her thoughts.

Her next visitor came in the late afternoon. She was somewhat surprised to find it was Levi, having expected the captain wouldn’t show up so soon. Petra had seemed more likely.

He looked the same as always, immaculately clean once again, the heavy-lidded eyes expressionless. He wasn’t wearing his uniform, though, same as Hange earlier. Today, everyone was relieved from duty, unsurprisingly. Instead, Levi was dressed in a grey shirt and black trousers, and it was quite annoying how well the getup suited him; Nora was painfully aware she was in nothing but her hospital gown, and even without a mirror she knew that her hair was a rat’s nest.

“So, four-eyes at least brought you some entertainment,” he said with a nod at her books.

“How do you know it was Hange?”

Levi’s eyes drifted to the side at her inquiry. “We had a discussion at breakfast. The woman insisted on visiting first.”

So he originally had planned to visit in the morning already? That was disconcerting. Was he that eager to kick her out of the squad?

Before Nora could gather her courage and just ask him directly, he turned, reaching for something outside of her small, curtained space. Then he faced her again, two steaming mugs in his hands, holding one out to her. Two seconds passed where she just stared at it open-mouthed, uncomprehending. Levi waited with one brow quirked upwards. Eventually, she took it from him, holding it right under her nose and inhaling the wonderful scent.

“Thank you.” Nora realised it was the first time she had ever said those words to him. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to thank him for patching her up yet.

As awkward as it was, she decided to wait for him to speak first. _He_ had come to her, after all. Nora found herself preoccupied with the tea, anyway. It was delicious, even better than the one she brewed, leading her to break the silence after all.

“How the fuck did you make this tea? It’s the best I’ve ever had.” No sense in false pride, she had to be honest about this. Levi eyed her suspiciously, but for once, he gave a straight answer.

“I’m brewing it just like you, incidentally. It’s a different type of black tea, from my own supply. I’m keeping it in my office.”

There was so much to unpack in this statement. Not only did he know how she made her tea, perceptive as he was, he also did it the same way. And he had brought her a cup from his personal stash, that he must have bought with his own money. That was… really nice, actually. Why had he done that?

“Well, now it’s my favourite too, I have to admit,” Nora said, eyes fixed at her cup, avoiding his face at all costs, and proceeded to ask him where he had bought it. The shop turned out not to be far from the HQ, which was quite convenient. They fell silent again, but this time, it felt comfortable.

“I was waiting for you to shit yourself out there, you know,” Levi eventually said, earning a glare. He continued, unfazed. “It’s just common, the first time. But you kept your cool. You even waited with the puking until it was over.”

“Yeah, that was great. Thanks for the reminder,” Nora said, voice as dry as his. No need to discuss this particular event any further.

“So, did _you_ shit yourself the first time?” she asked, paying him back in kind.

Levi’s eyes hardened. “No. Though I didn’t keep my cool, either.”

Seeing his dangerous expression, she did not even consider to ask any more about it. Thinking back on what he had looked like after slashing the two titans, it was easy enough to imagine what he meant. As calm and collected as he usually was, the man had quite a temper. Not so much unlike herself, she had to admit.

Why the fuck was he even here? Nora grew antsier every passing minute. He still hadn’t brought up dismissing her from the squad—no, instead he had brought her _tea_. She looked at her injured leg, hidden under the blanket. She had to say _something_ , in case he didn’t know how long she’d be out of commission.

“You probably know I’ll be useless for a month?” He nodded, and she continued. “What does that mean for the upcoming expedition, then?”

Levi was watching her, displaying no emotion. “Nothing.”

Nora’s heart sank. _Here it comes_. “Nothing?”

“It doesn’t matter. We won’t be on it.”

That threw her off. _We_ , not _you_. “What? Why?”

“The next expedition will be smaller, about 70 soldiers,” he answered with thinly veiled impatience, “Did you think ten expeditions a year would be sustainable if everyone was going every damn time?”

“Oh. Well. I guess not,” she replied stupidly.

“The next time we’ll ride out is in nine weeks,” he said, “meaning there’s still time for training after your recovery, so there’s at least a chance you won’t fuck up your leg again.”

“Fine by me. It’s not like I don’t need every bit of training I can get,” Nora sighed, defeated.

Levi’s eyebrows drew upwards. He had probably expected her usual defiance at his blunt remark. But lying here, leg hurting, the day before fresh on her mind—including the mistake she had made and what was at stake every time they would ride out—she saw no reason in defending herself right now.

“It was bad luck,” he said abruptly, his gaze intense. “Sure, with more experience you might have been faster, might have prevented injury… You were distracted, and you made a bad call. But so did I. Just like you, I thought the other titan would go for Gunther first, or me, but it didn’t. If you hadn’t reacted like you did, you’d be nothing more than a bloodstain in the grass now.” He paused, exhaling audibly, as if uttering all these words had cost him a great deal of energy. Nora’s eyes were on his unusually expressive face in rapt attention. “Having regrets is nothing but a fucking waste of time. Learn from your experience and it might impact future decisions. Rinse and repeat. That’s all there is to it.”

Levi’s words were reverberating through her head for long after he had taken his leave. It was the most he had ever said to her at once, unprompted, she was aware of this in some back corner of her mind.

But overshadowing every thought was an odd sense of relief; as if something heavy had been lifted from her chest, and she could breathe freely again.


	7. Touched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next will cover quite some time and are the last before we're reaching canon territory and things will pick up again...  
> That said, hope you enjoy.

Two days later, the swelling on Nora’s leg had gone back enough to be cleared from the hospital ward, though she had to use crutches and was ordered to walk around as little as possible for at least a week. Some of the other soldiers-turned-patients around her weren’t so lucky: She hadn’t nearly been the only one who had made it back alive, but injured, two of them so gravely they would never ride outside the Walls again.

She had just gotten dressed—pulling on her widest pair of trousers had taken her a good five minutes—when Petra came in, heading to Nora, who was sitting upright in her bed and brushing unruly sandy blonde waves back from her face.

“Great timing!” the redhead said with a big smile on her face upon seeing her fully clothed. “Guess I can show you to your new room right away!”

Turned out, the Scout Regiment wasn’t about to let her live in a five-person bedroom on her own, and Nora was glad of it. Instead, she would move in with Petra, and it would be only the two of them.

“The expedition cleared up some living space, for obvious reasons…” she explained. “Captain Levi suggested to Erwin that the two of us get one of the available two-person rooms. Makes sense, with us being squad mates and all.”

That meant one instead of four roommates and a whole lot more privacy and quiet. As much as the death of her four former roommates hurt, that was at least a silver lining, Nora thought. Especially when the one she had to room with was Petra, the only person she considered a friend aside from Hange. It was a relief to be spared from staring at four empty beds, a painful reminder of the young lives lost at the 48th expedition. Wiped out, just like that.

The room wasn’t much smaller than the one she had occupied before. There was a desk, a small wardrobe and a bed for each of them. And a tiny, adjacent bathroom. Pure luxury, the two young women jointly agreed.

As soon as they had taken in their new accommodation, Petra forced her injured squad mate to rest on the bed, so Nora had nothing to do but sit there and watch her friend unpack all their stuff—which wasn’t that much, to be honest.

“So… Levi goes to Erwin and we get one of the better rooms? Just like that?” Nora asked, still slightly bewildered at the developments of the day.

“Well… kind of,” Petra said, halfway through folding a blouse, “The commander and the captain are pretty close, you know. Levi always trusts his judgement. And it’s the same the other way around, I think.”

Nora had guessed that much already. Though you couldn’t tell easily, with someone as uncommunicative as Levi.

“Also—and that will sound arrogant as hell,” Petra continued with a small laugh, “but we _are_ considered the most elite squad of the entire Survey Corps. Apparently, that involves getting nice quarters in the HQ and the most dangerous assignments outside the Walls.”

“How the fuck did I even get into this,” Nora said in wry laughter, shaking her head. “What was Levi thinking, picking me for his squad right on arrival?”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Petra said, smiling at her, “None of us got into Captain Levi’s squad by chance.” She paused, a dreamy expression creeping onto her face. “He’s not just humanity’s strongest. He’s honest, clever, dedicated and compassionate, even if he doesn’t show it.” Petra blushed, having given away more than she wanted. “Anyway, my point is, you can trust his decisions.”

Nora sat, watching the redhead thoughtfully, and realised she agreed with every single thing she had just said about their captain. _Oh, Petra, you and I both have shit taste in men_. The thought came to her unbiddenly.

“You’re right,” she said, and changed the subject.

## #

Limping to the dining hall and back to her room on her crutches three times a day was the extent of Nora’s physical activity for the rest of the week. Feeling useless sucked, though she would be lying if she said the forced break was all bad. Being cowled up in her bed, having the whole room to herself and reading for hours on end was an unknown pleasure to her. The last time she had had so much time for doing ‘nothing’ was before she had joined the Cadet Corps as a teenager.

Still, mealtimes were a welcome diversion whenever her own thoughts—an unpleasant mix of gruesome images, worries and feelings of inadequacy—threatened to overwhelm her, as were Hange’s occasional visits. Books couldn’t tune out the noise in her head all the time.

Same as always, Nora sat either at a table with her squad or with Hange—and, consequentially, Levi. But something about the seating arrangement had changed, however minor and random it seemed.

Whenever Nora got to breakfast earlier than usual (she’d probably never develop a regular sleeping schedule), she was used to sitting alone—Hange always slept in as long as possible. The squad also had breakfast a bit later, pretty much the same time every day. Lately though, Levi had joined her more often than not instead of sitting with Erwin and the other veterans, despite Hange’s absence at the table. Most times, they spent the whole morning meal without talking. Sometimes, they traded barbs, both of them particularly prickly that early in the day.

The more unsettling alteration, however, was the seat Levi chose. Over the last weeks, ever since she had joined the Scouts, he had always picked a chair facing Nora, regardless of which side of the table Hange sat at. This week, however, it had happened more than once that he took the seat next to hers. It meant nothing, really; she knew that. It was just a damn chair at mealtime.

Yet, Nora found the captain’s proximity incredibly distracting. Hyper-aware of his body beside her, she struggled to concentrate on her plate rather than steal a glance at his profile. Whenever their elbows bumped together, she flinched slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. More than once, Hange had to repeat something she had said to Nora. And a few times, she had caught Petra staring at them across the hall full of soldiers with an inscrutable expression.

Lunch at Friday went in a similar fashion. Nora had been deep in discussion with Hange about her most recent reading—theories on why titans need sunlight—when Levi sat down next to her.

“You know, the other brats are talking about their plans for the weekend, not about the similarities between titans and plants,” he told them after a while, sounding bored.

“Well, I’m not exactly in shape for a stroll—” Nora began, when Hange cut her off.

“That reminds me! Anything I can bring you from town, Nora?”

She thought for about two seconds. “Tea.” And proceeded to describe exactly which one, thankful that Levi did not comment on it.

“You two are the most tea-addicted people I’ve ever met,” Hange said, gesticulating between them with her fork, “has no one ever—oh, _shoot_.” Her fork fell to the floor near Nora’s feet with a loud clatter.

“You’re such a klutz, four-eyes,” Levi said.

“Can’t disagree with that, for once.” Nora stood and bent down to retrieve her friend’s cutlery, using her hand on the table as leverage, careful not to put too much weight on her left leg.

“Sorry about that,” Hange said, grinning like a lunatic for a reason only known to herself, and took the fork Nora held out for her, proceeding to dig into her food.

The corners of Levi’s mouth turned downwards. “Aren’t you going to get a new fork? It’s been on the dirty floor.”

“So what?” Hange shrugged, mouth full.

“Disgusting.” He swallowed his last bite, wiped his lips with the napkin, and left.

Nora was grinning. “It’s never boring with the two of you.”

“I could say the same about _you two_!” Hange exclaimed, causing Nora to lean back, avoiding the crumbs flying out of Hange’s mouth.

“What are you talking about? And please swallow before you answer.”

After gulping down her bite, the bespectacled woman leaned forward conspiratorially. “Levi totally checked out your arse when you were grabbing my fork.”

Now, Nora almost spat out her food. “You’re kidding me, right? What the fuck is the matter with you?”

“It’s true, I swear! Why would I make something like that up?”

“You’re imagining things,” Nora said, heat creeping up her cheeks, “Maybe it just looked like—”

“It was pretty obvious, believe me.” Hange shook her head. “What’s so funny about this is that I’ve _never_ caught him doing that kind of thing before. Poor guy couldn’t help himself.” She laughed, and with a look at Nora’s red face added, “Aw, you’re so flustered!”

“Because you’re embarrassing me!”

“Am not. I so badly wanted to call Shorty out right then and there, but _that_ probably would have been embarrassing for you, so I didn’t,” Hange said, proud of herself.

“Gee, thanks.”

Her friend smiled with a knowing expression Nora did not like one bit. “So… According to your reaction I can assume you’re into him, too?”

Was this what ‘girl talk’ was supposed to be like? Not fun at all.

“ _Or_ I am just uncomfortable because you’re talking about my squad leader checking out my bum,” Nora hissed.

“Don’t give me that. As if you ever cared much about hierarchy before.” Hange winked. “Come on, you can tell me, I’ll keep it a secret.”

Nora rolled her eyes at her, but relented. “I’m not ‘into’ anyone. Though I do think he is… easy on the eyes.”

“I knew it! Watching you two is going to be so much fun!” A hint of crazy shimmered behind Hange’s glasses, and Nora suddenly felt like a test subject.

“You’re way off.”

“We’ll see.”

## #

The 48th expedition had brought Nora’s nightmares to a whole new level. Images of her mum’s degenerated body alternated with those of spraying blood, screams, falling body parts and terrible, grinning faces. When she awoke covered in cold sweat, deep into the night on Saturday—no, it was Sunday already—she had enough.

It was a hassle to gather crutches, jacket and shoes without making too much noise. But she needn’t have worried; Petra’s sleep remained undisturbed and deep. Her roommate had gone to bed later than Nora for once, a scenario that only ever occured on weekends.

Faint light and muffled laughter were still streaming down the corridor from the closed door of the mess hall. Just her luck. She turned and limped her way to the stairs, and all the way up to the rooftop. The whole ordeal took her longer than she would have liked, and by the time she arrived, her knee was throbbing painfully.

And of course, even up here, Nora wasn’t granted alone-time. On her favourite spot at the edge opposite of the entrance where she was currently catching her breath, Levi was leaning against the battlement. With his back to her, she could only make out his silhouette, illuminated by the moonlit night. The outline of his slim-yet-firm, compact body—narrow hips giving way to a well-muscled back, broadening fluently all the way to his shoulders—was immediately recognisable to Nora, the V-shape of his torso undeniably that of a strong, male warrior.

He hadn’t noticed her yet, but there was no way she’d just leave after her arduous journey. Besides, he hadn’t left either, last time they met here.

She took a few steps forward on her crutches and he turned, one eyebrow lifted, gaze already disapproving.

“You must be shitting me. Today, it’s climbing up two floors, and tomorrow, you’ll put on your ODM gear, or what?”

In a bout of defiance, she settled closer to him than she normally would have, with only a hand-width of space between them, same as he often did when he sat beside her at mealtime.

“The dining hall is still occupied.”

“That makes complete sense, then,” Levi said, the sarcasm palpable. He looked her over, from the few strands that had escaped her loose braid and were hanging around her face, to the jacket thrown hastily over her nightshirt that ended just above her knees, to her injured leg; the swollen knee bare, except for the splint, firmly secured by a bandage.

The lack of proper lighting lent Nora enough courage to return his scrutiny evenly, her heart beating faster. He was in his usual night attire: trousers and shirt, open at the collar, and she still wasn’t used to the sight. _Easy on the eyes, my ass._ Not in the literal sense; nothing about looking at him felt easy. And what an understatement that even was. Levi was a piece of art to her.

“You’d think there is enough peace and quiet for you in your two-bed room, or does Petra snore?”

So, he didn’t know stuff like that about the pretty squad mate who so clearly admired him. A small, paranoid part of her brain was relieved.

“She does, actually. Sometimes. But it’s mainly because the view here is better,” Nora said, looking at the moon. It was full tonight.

She felt Levi’s eyes still on her. “Go back to bed.”

“No.”

“It’s an order.”

“Oh well, in that case? I refuse.”

“You’re behaving like a petulant child.”

“I’m not a child,” she shot back, lips quirking upwards.

He sighed. “I know that.”

She frowned at him, but he didn’t provide any explanation, just kept watching her. It was grating on her nerves, and exhilarating her at the same time, a conflicting combination of emotions Nora had come to associate exclusively with the man standing in front of her.

“If you refuse to go, I’ll drag your ass back and tie you to your bed myself,” Levi threatened in a low voice, and the mental image sent an involuntary thrill through her body.

“As tempting as that sounds,” she replied, maintaining a calm façade, though her face was heating up in the secrecy of the darkness, “can’t you just give me some time? Since I’m already up here, and I can’t sleep anyways.”

Another one of their staring contests. After a few seconds, he rolled his eyes. “Fine, you stubborn brat. Just stop giving me doe eyes.”

Nora was on a roll now. _Why the fuck is fighting with him so much fun?_ “I don’t have doe eyes,” she said, unsure if he was insulting her again.

“Sure you do,” Levi said, unyielding. “You check every one of the boxes. Big, round, brown eyes, long lashes, and that stupid, glassy look. Like you’re about to jump as soon as someone’s getting too close.” His voice dropped at the end of the sentence.

She wasn’t sure if he’d drawn nearer to her, or if it just felt that way, with his heavy-lidded gaze fixed on her like she was, indeed, prey.

“Your insults are getting more creative,” Nora breathed, a slight tremor in her voice.

“You’re giving me enough to work with.”

She refused to back away from him. “Not everyone has to look like they haven’t slept in weeks.”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “Speaking of sleep—”

“Here we go again…”

“Why can’t you sleep?” Levi asked, surprising her.

Narrowing her eyes at him, she said, “I’ll only answer that if you do, too.”

He didn’t give her trouble, for once. “Deal.”

Shit. Nora drew in a breath, eyes downcast. “My brain just won’t shut up when I’m in bed. And nightmares as soon as I manage to doze off.” She chanced a look at his face. He was watching her with a pensive expression.

“Even before the expedition?”

She nodded.

“Your turn,” Nora said with a challenging look, forestalling further questions from him on that issue.

“I just can’t,” Levi said with a shrug.

She waited a beat. He didn’t elaborate. “Yeah, I figured that much. You have to give me more than that.”

He huffed. “It means, I have trouble falling asleep, and trouble staying asleep, idiot.”

The way he described it—in a casual, almost bored manner—made it sound quite innocuous. Nora regarded him with suspicion. “So, how much sleep do you get a night?”

He didn’t answer. She waited.

“Two or three hours, maybe.”

It took a few moments to process that information. Nora opened her mouth, and closed it again. Finally, she said, “That’s about half of what I get. No wonder you’re such an ass all the time.”

Levi shot her one of his death glares that would have sent most of her comrades scrambling. She smiled sweetly.

“No amount of sleep could give me the patience to deal with you insufferable brats,” he said, now scowling at the night sky.

Laughing, she turned her head away, too. She hadn’t even noticed that most of the stars were hidden beneath clouds tonight, but the full moon made up for it, casting its luminous, silvery glow over them.

Nora lost track of the minutes. At last, she spoke again.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

 _For this_ , she thought. “For the tea. In the hospital ward,” she said, cowardly.

“You already thanked me for that.”

“And for patching me up.” _For keeping me sane out there_. Nora still wasn’t looking at him.

A warm, comfortable weight settled on top of her head. Levi had placed his hand on her mess of hair. The pads of his fingers moved, caressing; once, twice.

“Go back to sleep,” he said.

## #

The dreaded nightmares weren’t what kept her awake for the meek remainder of the night. Instead, her mind kept replaying their conversation on the rooftop, getting caught on that very last moment. The feel of his fingers stroking over her head, and the shiver that had travelled over every part of her body, down to her toes. The first time Levi had touched her other than out of necessity.

Dawn came, and Nora knew she was in trouble. She was a fully-grown (albeit very small) woman and she had been touched many times before; sometimes on far more incriminating parts of her body. This touch had been fleeting and innocent; incidental, almost.

Hence, it made no sense that it had never, ever, felt like this before.


	8. No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers the rest of year 849 and will be the last before we're getting into canon action...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bitch to write, not only because writing out the interesting and more important parts of a bigger time span is hard, but also because 'upbeat' doesn't seem to be my strong suit. Ha, that checks out.  
> Well, I guess it's good for me then that things in the following chapters won't be as nice...

“What are you doing Friday evening?”

Nora tensed at Hange’s unexpected inquiry. “Same as always. Reading, perhaps. Why?”

Eyes flashing behind glasses, Hange clapped her hands together. “Perfect. Just wanted to double-check. We’re going out for a few drinks!”

With a sense of foreboding, Nora asked, “Do I get any say in that?”

“Nope, not this time.” Hange smirked. “We know, you know.”

The smaller woman groaned. “So I become a year older. Big deal.” Frowning, she added, “Who is ‘we’?”

“No reason to panic—only your squad and me. And don’t even try to wiggle out of this, they go for a drink together every time it’s one of their birthdays. Petra will drag you there all by herself, if she has to.”

Nora sighed in surrender. “She won’t have to. My splint comes off this week.” That was good news, at least. It had been almost four weeks, long enough for her to miss even the most unpleasant parts of her training—like running laps, cleaning the stable, or Levi knocking her into the mud. The last few days, she had been grumpy enough to rival her captain.

In that annoying manner she had, Hange threw her arm over Nora’s shoulders and squeezed tightly. “That’s the spirit, sourpuss!”

## #

The pub was as crowded as was to be expected from a Friday night. They had managed to snatch a small table for the seven of them, at least.

Seven, not six.

It had not occurred to Nora that Levi could join them; he really wasn’t the type for these activities. But she wasn’t, either. Apparently, even the captain wasn’t exempt from the duty of birthday celebrations.

They sat crammed at a too-small table, the unfortunate birthday girl squeezed between Petra on one side, and Levi on the other.

It was impossible to tune out the noise of the pub, the clinking of glasses, and the raucous laughter and bellowing of tipsy patrons, and the contact of Levi’s body against Nora’s, invading her senses. No matter which way she shifted, they’d always touch somewhere; their knees, or elbows, or shoulders.

“Dammit, would you stop fidgeting for one minute?” Levi eventually snarled at her, leading her to down her drink in one big gulp, feeling hot all over.

After a few minutes, the booze started to dull the sensations to a bearable measure. Unable to remember the last time she had ingested alcohol, Nora’s body had zero tolerance for it, a circumstance that was working in her favour now.

Two rounds later, and she was laughing with her comrades like they always did at mealtimes, her previous jumpiness forgotten. Oluo was bragging again—he could always find a reason, apparently, no matter the subject.

“…drank him under the table, last time, I tell ya. I was barely swaying, and he already sick as a dog!”

“Is there anything at all you don’t brag about?” Nora said, the liquor slurring her speech a bit.

“I see how it is. The lady is salty because she is such a lightweight.” Oluo narrowed his eyes at her.

“I’ll be the first to admit I can’t handle my drink and probably have the lowest tolerance at this table, true.” Nora shrugged. “Yet, you don’t hear me boasting about something as pathetic as this.”

Oluo rolled his eyes while the others laughed, Eld patting the braggard’s shoulder, Gunther grinning and shaking his head at them.

Petra got up. “Next round’s on me. Wine for Nora, beer for everyone else?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve clearly had enough for now,” Nora said.

The conversations continued along in a similar manner for the rest of the evening, a blur of laughter, bad jokes and banter. After a while, Nora leaned back in her chair and let it all wash over her, barely listening, not contributing much more than Levi who was as untalkative as expected in this kind of setting.

Though relaxed, for once, she was still well aware of his proximity, everything else fading into the background the more she allowed herself to focus on him. It was probably the booze, but Nora found herself embracing the feel of his solid warmth wherever their bodies grazed rather than trying to avoid it. Why bother? It was _nice_.

For what it was worth, Levi didn’t seem to mind the contact, either. He didn’t seem to pay any heed to his surroundings and spent the majority of the time frowning at his pint. Their physical nearness probably had no effect on him whatsoever—and how she wished she could say that for herself—but he seemed comfortable around her. Why else would he regularly sit next to her on his own accord?

So, when their thighs touched as he shifted in his seat, Nora stayed still. The heat of his leg seeped through the cloth covering her thigh. She thought she saw Levi glance at her once from the corner of her eye, but he did not say anything, nor did he move again.

Hange managed to steer the conversation to titans multiple times, to the exasperation of her comrades.

“I wonder if ingesting toxic substances would have any effect on them, at all,” she was saying, a crazy glint in her eyes, “Take alcohol, for example—”

“For fuck’s sake, Shitty Glasses, will you shut up. No one cares,” Levi burst out.

“That’s not true, you old grump! Nora always likes to—”

“Sorry, Hange,” she interrupted, too exhausted for further discussion, “I’d usually agree with you, but I’m quite done for tonight. I’m still tipsy, and I really want to go to bed.” Nora stood up, bracing her hands on the table.

“You’re leaving already?!” Hange whined, while Petra giggled and said, “Drinking’s really not your forte, is it?”

“Nope, not at all. Told you so,” Nora said, shrugging. She had never been one for partying—with or without drinking. “Good night, you guys.”

Taking the opportunity, Levi rose as well. “I’ll go too. I’ve had enough of you brats for the rest of the weekend.”

## #

This was how Nora found herself walking back to the HQ with her captain in the midst of the night. Her slight intoxication rendered her unsteady enough that her shoulder occasionally bumped into his, to her embarrassment. When it happened the third time, she was surprised Levi still didn’t snap at her.

Now that Nora thought about it, she had seen him drinking alcohol for the first time today, so it was safe to assume he rarely did, just like her. Yet, nothing about him suggested he’d even had a sip—his gaze was cool, his gait steady—and she knew for a fact he had had more drinks than her tonight. Again, she wondered if the guy was even human.

“Tell me,” she finally asked, “are you even the slightest bit inebriated?”

Levi frowned at her. “Why’re you asking?”

“Scientific curiosity.”

His eyes turned heavenwards. “You’re almost as bad as four-eyes.”

Nora’s current state boldened her, and she nudged him with her elbow. “Would it hurt you to just answer a question for once?” She grinned at his glowering stare. “Come on, it’s my birthday.”

“You’re annoying as shit, brat,” Levi said, “But if you must know, I guess I am a bit less clear-headed than usual. Nowhere near your sorry state, though.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad,” Nora objected, almost stumbling over her feet just then, “Plus, this wasn’t exactly all that voluntary on my part.”

His lips quirked up at her clumsiness, but he didn’t slow down. Unperturbed, Nora continued her small rant. “I hate pubs. They’re crowded, and noisy, and disgusting, and after tonight, I can confidently say that alcohol tastes quite disgusting, too. If I had to choose a location for a birthday celebration, it’d be a tea shop.”

What happened next made her almost stumble again: Levi smiled.

A real, true, smile. And it was nice, too—really nice. The individual features didn’t change all that much, closed lips curving up—but at the same time, his whole face seemed to transform.

It was beautiful.

“For once, I agree with you,” he was saying, but Nora had forgotten what they were talking about.

She didn’t speak again on the rest of their walk home.

## #

When they arrived on the floor where their rooms were, Nora opened her mouth to bid him goodbye, but Levi forestalled her.

“Wait here,” he said, and was off down the corridor to his office.

He was back before she could even think on what was going on.

“Take it.” He pushed a small box into her hands.

She looked down at it, uncomprehending. The labelling was all too familiar. It contained her favourite— _their_ favourite—tea blend. About a month’s worth of it.

Nora gaped at it, then at his face. He was close, his expression serious, eyes shining steel.

“Why?” she finally managed.

“Are you an idiot?” Levi asked back.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, Nora’s heart racing in her chest. He wasn’t backing away, wasn’t turning to go.

“Thank you,” she said, breathless.

His eyes turned to the side. “It’s just some tea, brat.”

Nodding, she snapped out of her trance, taking a tentative step backwards.

“Good night, Levi,” Nora said, feeling stupid. She wondered if she’d ever called him by his name before.

“Good night, Nora.” The sound of her name on his lips, clear and deep and unhurried, was nothing short of delicious, like the black tea in her hands, and she didn’t feel so stupid anymore.

## #

Their next expedition went down without a hitch. Nora could barely believe it.

As was planned, the only two squads involved—Squad Hange and Squad Levi—did not get far; never even straying out of sight of Wall Rose.

Their supplies: two enormous sleighs, a load of thick, sturdy wires and iron stakes, and the wall cannons manned by Garrison soldiers.

The mission: Catch at least one titan alive.

The soldiers managed to capture two, with the Special Ops squad in charge of the cutting, severing tendons and muscles and effectively immobilising arms and legs, and Hange’s squad constraining them to the sleighs, shooting hooked wires and hammering stakes, one target after the other.

When everything was over, they had two relatively small test subjects—a three- and a five-metre class—to drag to the dedicated, secured space halfway between the gate of Trost and the Survey Corps headquarters.

Covered in sweat and panting, Nora was beaming from ear to ear, her exhilaration only beaten by the madwoman she called her best friend, who was jumping up and down, babbling and whooping.

“We did it! Son of a bitch, we did it! What a historical day for humanity!”

“And what a shitty bunch of upcoming days for these poor ugly bastards,” Nora added grinning, nodding at the confined titans, lying pinned to the ground face down.

“Our test subjects need a name,” Hange said, eyes wide as saucers, cheeks red.

“And that’s our cue,” Levi muttered, turning to his squad, “We’re done for today—good job, everyone. Come on, let’s go wash up and eat.”

“No way, I want to stay and name one of them!” Nora protested while her squad mates turned and left as quickly as they could.

Shaking his head at her, her captain said, “You’re bloody mental. Fine, then. Stay with the other maniac.” He did not go with his squad, but hung back, crossing his arms, apparently waiting how this would play out.

“Okay, then,” Hange turned to her friend and clapped her hands together. “Let’s hear your name suggestion. No promises, though.”

Nora looked at the two titans for a second. The smaller one had blond, chin-length hair and a permanent, stupid grin plastered on its chubby face. The other had a shock of shorter brown hair and a long face with sunken, dark eyes and a disfigured mouth turned downwards at the corners.

Pointing at the bigger, gloomy-looking titan, Nora said, “This one’s an Albert.”

Bending down so her face was only inches from Nora’s, Hange took her hands eagerly. “Like the killer Albert Fish from that story, right?”

“Er—yeah, of course,” Nora said, trying to keep a straight face. “Exactly what I was thinking about. Not like I’d just choose the first random name that came to my mind…”

Behind them, Levi snorted. Her dry tone went right over Hange’s head in the overexcited state she was in.

“That’s perfect! Then the small one will be Chicachironi.”

“Obviously,” Nora agreed, nodding.

## #

The months that followed were filled with training, research, and fighting—either Levi or titans. Even though she didn’t keep count—her squad mates did it for her—Nora’s kill count kept rising steadily over the course of several expeditions in the rest of the year. Engaging titans, there would always be risky situations and close calls; still, none as close as the one that had caused her leg injury on her first expedition, luckily. Best of all, she and everyone she cared about—Hange, Petra, Eld, Gunther, Oluo, and yes; Levi—remained unhurt, aside from the occasional scratch or bruise; though she was unable to recall a single incident of Levi bleeding. The only blood coming in contact with his skin was of unfortunate comrades and titans.

It was all she could ask for. Blood and death became a fixed part of her life, but Erwin managed to keep the toll low (for Survey Corps conditions, at least). Just another reason for Nora to keep her distance from most of the soldiers. She only failed miserably with these few closest people in her daily life.

Aside from her purpose, she had found something entirely unexpected this year, as well: her home.

Together with Hange and her assistant Moblit, they learned quite a bit from their test subjects. For instance, they found significant differences in activity, need of sunlight, and pain tolerance between the individuals.

But alas, their testing eventually exceeded its limits, thus leading to the untimely demise of their subjects. One of the experiments on possibly vulnerable body parts—including the spinal cord—went too far.

Nora was kind of bummed about it, having lost valuable research material, but Hange cried for two days. Comforting her distraught friend, Nora promised they would capture more titans sometime.

“When is Levi’s birthday?” She asked Hange out of nowhere one day, while bent over research in the lab.

“Why do you want to know?” Hange asked back, the corners of her mouth lifting. “I think he purposely doesn’t tell anyone.”

“I owe him something,” Nora said. “Plus, he knows mine. I can’t let that sit.”

“I’ll look it up for you, but you didn’t get it from me.”

“You’re the best.”

## #

It had taken her all afternoon on a cold and windy Saturday, but Nora eventually found what she had been looking for: a set of elegantly shaped tea cups, unusual due to their lack of a handle. On the 25th of December, she snuck into Levi’s unlocked office while he was out for a few minutes, probably on a short tea break.

Nora left the box with the shiny new cutlery on his desk, a note lying on top.

_They seemed suited for you._

_-Nora_

## #

There was one problem she couldn’t solve, unfortunately. Nora had thought her strange and bothersome infatuation with Levi would just abate given enough time. But the year 850 began, winter was coming to an end, and it got even worse, if possible. There was no getting used to him.

They trained together, they sat together at least once a day at mealtime, they bickered, and sometimes they had tea and talked. Her traitorous body reacted to him in the most unsettling way, growing as heated as their arguments whenever he was too close or looked at her a certain way.

At night, Nora was haunted by nightmares when sleeping, and by inappropriate thoughts of her captain when awake. When she gave in and touched herself to relief the tension, Levi was at the centre of her imagination, no matter how hard she tried to think of anything else. It had certainly never before been so easy for her to get off.

Nora’s frustration with herself—and _him_ , to equal measures—increased every passing day. Sometimes she liked him, and sometimes she hated him; but she always, _always_ wanted him.

Even though she knew the man pretty well by now, his past remained an enigma. Nora knew as little as every other Scout, Hange and the commander aside; that Levi had grown up in the underground and become a notorious thug, and had joined the Scouts without formal training about six years ago, presumably involuntarily and through Erwin’s involvement.

It was probably safe to assume her captain had quite a rough past, but she could only guess at it. Not even Hange would tell her anything, instead insisting it was his story to tell and suggesting—with a wink—that Nora just ask him nicely.

Not only was she lacking the guts to do that, she was also lacking in opportunity. It was only partly her fault. Even though she despised tossing and turning in bed, she had become more and more hesitant to get up and go to the roof or dining hall, with vivid images of what Levi might look like underneath his clothes too fresh on her mind. In short, Nora was avoiding alone-time with him.

But that wasn’t all of it. There had been enough occasions where she had made one of her nightly trips over the past months, yet she had run into her captain only a very few times. Ever since that moment—if it even was one—on her birthday night, their by-chance encounters rarely happened anymore. Maybe Levi had just lost his desire for nightly strolls.

Or, the paranoid part of her brain insisted, it might have something to do with her.

## #

After a particularly aggravating night, Nora was having breakfast at a table with Hange and Levi. This early, it was almost impossible for her not to be in a sour mood, and today she was jumpy on top of that. Not because of nightmares, this time—not in the traditional sense, anyway—but because of dreams involving the soldier currently sitting next to her. Dreams that had been far too vibrant and detailed.

Levi must have taken a shower shortly before coming here. His hair was still damp, and every time he reached for his tea, a waft of his scent hit Nora’s nostrils. A weak imitation of it had featured in her dreams. The original, though—still the most delectable smell she had ever encountered—was on a different league and made it impossible for her to cool down. She got angrier with every sip he took.

She distracted herself with her own cup, holding it under her nose, when he moved again and accidentally brushed his elbow against her arm.

Nora snapped. “Would you watch it? I’ll spill my tea if you keep bumping me!”

Eyes flashing in irritation, Levi returned, “It’s not my fault a tiny brat like you needs so much space. Your arms are flailing all over the place when you’re eating.”

“That’s bullshit! Besides, I was here first. _You_ decided to take the seat next to me. If it bothers you, there’s a free chair on Hange’s side!” Dimly aware how childish she sounded but not caring, Nora was glaring daggers at him, not even sparing a glance at her friend who was watching their exchange thoughtfully, chewing on her meal.

Apparently, Levi’s temper today was equally as short as his subordinate’s. “What’s your damn problem? I can sit wherever the fuck I want, and I don’t need your unjustified bitching, especially not this early.”

Their faces were closer now, tight with fury. Nora’s voice lowered to a hiss. “I will bitch however much I fucking want to when you’re being an absolute—”

“Bloody hell! Will you two just bang already?”

Hange’s intervention silenced the two squabblers abruptly. Both of them were now staring at her; Levi with widened eyes, looking ready to kill, and Nora with her mouth hanging open.

“What are you… Why would you… It’s not like…” she stammered, her beet-red face a stark contrast to the messy, sandy-blonde waves framing it.

Hange rolled her eyes, though she failed to hide the amusement in the tilt of her lips. “Spare me, please. I didn’t want to say anything, originally, but I’ve been watching you two ogling and fighting each other for _months_. It’s getting boring.”

Levi stood up, pushing his chair back noisily. “None of your damn business, Shitty Glasses.”

That was all he said before he strode off.

Nora buried her face in her hands. “Fucking hell, Hange! That’ll be the most awkward training day ever, thank you very much!”

Shrugging, Hange continued eating, unperturbed by her friend’s mood. “You brought this on yourself.”

Biting her lip, Nora remained silent, glaring into space.

“Besides,” Hange added between two bites, “Shorty didn’t even deny anything, in case you haven’t noticed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but also not sorry for the pub scene.  
> I've been itching to write out a certain dream Nora had, and maybe a bit from Levi's perspective of those months, but I guess that would have been overkill for this chapter.


	9. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it to canon. From now on, you might recognize the occasional line.  
> I want the story well-rounded, so to say, but I also don't want to simply rehash what we already know. I hope I'll strike the right balance, and that you'll enjoy the different perspective!

It was, indeed, a painfully awkward day, and Nora inwardly cursed Hange and her own hot-headedness. Most, she cursed her inability to control her mind and body. How Nora hated things out of her control! And how especially frustrating if the thing she couldn’t control concerned herself.

Despite threatening to the day before, Levi did not order her to hand-to-hand practice. If not for that, he would not have let on anything about the uncomfortable confrontation earlier at breakfast. Hange had to be wrong about him. No way could he be “ogling” her, and _want_ her even. It was impossible to imagine her cagey captain reciprocating any of the complex, decidedly non-platonic feelings she had about him, and she did not want to make the mistake of wishful thinking. It had only ever brought her pain. Moreover, she shouldn’t wish for things like that in the first place. There was no room for it in the life she led.

Most importantly, Nora found nothing about Levi’s behaviour towards her indicating any sort of physical attraction. Yes, she wasn’t good at reading people, and sure, Levi was treating her differently—though not exactly better—compared to the rest of his squad, but she had always assumed it was due to the lack of respectfulness in her own forthright manner combined with a certain disregard of hierarchy they both shared.

She sat with her squad at lunch and dinner. Obvious reason aside, Nora was still a bit cross with Hange. She felt incredibly exposed, even though she hadn’t admitted to anything.

Petra kept throwing her thoughtful glances, her easy smile nowhere to be seen. She didn’t understand why; with enormous restraint, Nora managed to ignore their captain—who sat at his usual spot at Hange’s table, the _nerve_ he had—throughout both meals.

## #

It was unusually quiet in their bedroom this evening. Normally, Petra was rather chatty at this time. After a fair share of awkward glances from the redhead, Nora finally put down the book she was trying to read, sighing.

“What’s wrong, Petra?”

The younger woman looked caught, turning her gaze down. “Oh, it’s nothing, really… Nothing that would concern me, anyway. But I’ve just been wondering for a while now, and since we’re friends and all…”

“Spit it out,” Nora said.

In one breath, Petra asked, “Is there something… _going on_ between you and Captain Levi?”

Even though part of her had expected this, Nora still struggled to maintain a neutral expression.

“Why would you think that?”

“A few reasons,” Petra said evasively, a faint flush appearing on her cheeks, “just the way you two are interacting with each other…”

“Okay, I’ll just say right away that I’m not, and never have been… involved with him, to set the record straight.” Nora frowned when her squad mate’s expression didn’t soften. “But I’m still not sure what could give you the impression? I mean, we’re arguing pretty often, and he certainly doesn’t—”

Petra interrupted her. “I just noticed how sometimes, you and the captain happen to be standing, or sitting, pretty close to each other.”

Lifting her eyes back to Nora’s, Petra looked at her when she continued, her expression kind and open again, but too serious. “More importantly, I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

The silence that followed was deafening to Nora’s ears, her face burning. With a sinking feeling in her chest, she thought how Levi would react to this, how quickly—and bluntly—he would shut down Petra’s false assumptions.

No matter how badly she wanted to, Nora could not deny the nature of the glances _she_ might steal at _him_ , however one-sided it might be, though she had hoped no one besides Hange had noticed. She supposed she should have expected it; Petra certainly paid an unusual amount of attention to their captain.

If her comrade was so forward on this issue, Nora was allowed to be, as well, she guessed. “Petra, since this seems to… kind of bother you, I’ll just ask… Are you in love with Levi?”

At last, Petra smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’ve devoted my life to the cause… And to my captain.”

Letting out a nervous chuckle, Nora said, “Damn, you’ve been spending too much time around me. You always say _I_ am the one giving truthful, yet elusive answers.”

Petra giggled, the warmth returning to her eyes. “I learned from the best, I guess. You’re exactly like Levi, in that regard! Painfully honest, blunt even, and at the same time, most people don’t know anything about you.”

With an abashed grin, Nora lifted her hands in defeat. “I’m just… not good with people.”

Petra laughed outright. “No, you’re not.” Sobering slightly, she added, “I’ll admit that much, though: the looks he’s giving you, how he’s _watching_ you all the time… It does make me a bit jealous, sometimes.”

Nora shook her head, flustered. “I—I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sure he does nothing of the sort, and certainly not ‘all the time’—”

“So you haven’t noticed at all, then,” Petra said, the playfulness back in her voice, “You’re really almost as bad with people as him.”

“That’s quite a crass statement, you know. Enough insults for today,” Nora said, and the two women laughed together.

Later, when they were already in bed, surrounded by darkness, Nora whispered, “Petra?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll admit something, too: I won’t deny that Levi is… kind of hot.”

A soft snicker came from the opposite wall, where Petra’s bed stood. “Yep, he is.”

## #

_I’ve been watching you two ogling each other—_

_He’s watching you all the time—_

Nora’s thoughts were racing. She was a soldier; a few days from now, they’d go on a life-threatening expedition again. She shouldn’t even concern herself with trivial matters like that.

And yet, maybe that was part of what it meant to be living, instead of just surviving. Friends, fun, goals and visions, passion, desire, wanting things. Wanting someone. Having a lot to lose—again.

It was terrifying.

She wouldn’t get much sleep this night.

## #

The day was cheerful and sunny, the early spring air comfortably warming Nora under her green cloak. Quite a crowd had gathered to watch the Scout Regiment travel through the town of Trost, about to leave the gates of the Wall behind them. 

Using the remaining time before they had to get in formation, Nora and Hange were riding side by side, chatting away those last, peaceful minutes left before the imminent danger and death that was unequivocally waiting for them. The sound of Levi’s name coming from an enthusiastic, youngish voice somewhere in the crowd drew their attention.

“…strongest soldier alive! I hear that in battle, he’s as strong as an entire brigade!”

 _Stronger_ , Nora thought, only sparing the three admiring teenagers a cursory glance before it landed on her captain to Hange’s left. Judging by the face he made, he had heard.

“Spare me, please,” Levi grumbled, “Noisy brats.”

“Aw, don’t look so grumpy in front of your fans!” Hange teased. “Though, if they knew what a clean freak you are, it would burst their bubble.”

Nora broke into laughter. Ignoring her captain’s surly expression darkening further, she added, “That would give them nightmares.”

“Shut up. The only stuff for nightmares here is you two messy maniacs,” Levi said.

“Not true. I’m traumatised by all the times you’ve had me clean the stable. Besides, I’m not messy. I washed my hair yesterday evening.” Nora grinned in exaggerated pride, her hair since then in two tidy braids she had knotted and pinned in place at the nape of her neck before they had left the HQ.

“You may be bathing regularly,” her captain relented, rolling his tired eyes, “but that certainly doesn’t apply to Shitty Glasses.”

Indeed, Hange’s messy hair was a bit greasy at the roots, as it was often. “So what,” the woman said, eyes twinkling behind her goggles, “Don’t have time for that. I’d just get dirty again, anyway.”

“Tsk. Disgusting.”

Smiling, Nora thought Hange kind of had a point—almost. Though she rather liked being clean, herself, she couldn’t care less about her friend’s dishevelled appearance, to be honest. Hange had her own priorities, and she seemed happy enough with it, and Nora suspected it was only partly because it annoyed a certain clean freak.

## #

The metallic tang of blood was heavy in the air, smothering her senses. Nora had to suppress a gag.

The abandoned town they were trying to set up a base in was situated a few hours’ ride from Wall Rose. Titans had descended on them from all directions, on them so suddenly that even Mike’s keen sense of smell had barely given them more than a minute’s warning, and the regiment had found themselves in the midst of a slaughter. Seeing Levi take out a titan right after it had bitten down on a comrade gave her an awful feeling of déjà vu.

“Look after the soldiers below,” her captain was commanding Petra when Nora joined them on a roof to gather her surroundings. “Whoever’s left, send them after the one on the right. I’ll clean up on the left.”

“On it,” Nora said from behind them.

Levi turned sharply; eyes narrowed at her. For a moment, she thought he’d object. But then, he said to her, “Don’t you dare get eaten while I’m busy,” and soared towards his targets.

With a grim nod at Petra, she flew off to the lone titan on the right.

It was huge, and she took her time manoeuvring around and up to its neck above the surrounding rooftops, careful to stay out of reach of those long, dangerous arms. Focusing on the hate boiling inside of her, Nora dashed at the monster from above with a cry of fury and sliced, scissoring her blades with all the strength she could muster.

An explosion of hot blood followed, and she automatically turned her head to shield her eyes, retreating to the nearest roof. Immediately, she looked around in search of a raven-haired head, exhaling in relief when she spotted him two buildings over, wiping at his bloodied blade handles with a white cloth.

They met up where Petra was tending to the wounded soldier on the cobble-stoned ground, overgrown with five years’ worth of grass.

As if to check if she was still in one piece, Levi trailed his intense grey gaze over Nora once, head to toe. Then, he went to kneel beside the injured Scout.

And she watched him comfort the dying man, watched as Levi clasped the bloodied, outstretched hand tightly in his own, and heard him say, with rare passion, “I will eradicate the titans!”

She was enraptured by this man—this cold, brutal, unapproachable, blunt, brilliant, kind, honourable man—who followed his own moral code, dedicated his life to humanity, placing the lives of comrades and the innocent over everything else.

Nora was unable to take her eyes off Levi, even as the bleeding soldier took his last breath. Without thinking, she took a step in his direction; she wanted to touch him, she wanted to hold him, she wanted to take his hand in hers and wipe it clean of the blood of their fallen comrade.

The noise of quickly approaching hooves brought her out of her reverie.

Erwin, bringing the worst news possible.

Trost was under attack.

## #

When the Survey Corps—a third less than had left earlier this very same day—arrived back at the breached gate, they saw something impossible.

A huge boulder was plugging the massive hole in the wall. Titans were gathering outside, scratching at it uselessly.

“Everyone! Leave the horses for now. Engage ODM gear and scale the walls. Kill every titan left inside of Trost!”

And so—bloodied, bruised, beaten, broken—that was what the Scout Regiment did.

## #

Reality changed after that day. _Everything_ changed.

The next three days, Nora spent nearly every waking minute with Hange. The two of them barely slept and ate, living on tea and breathing science, if not for Levi occasionally forcing them to take a break, though he hadn’t much free time, either.

In a frenzy, they revised every single thing they knew—and had believed to know—about humanity’s biggest enemy. Over everything else, the two sharp-witted women spend most of the time brooding over the greatest secret of time, now that they knew. Now that they knew that a fifteen-year-old had transformed into a titan, sealed the breach with a boulder, killed other titans, fought for humanity. A soldier, like them. And he had emerged from the neck of his broken titan in a hiss of steam; unconscious, but unscathed. Victorious.

Everything traced back to this greatest secret of mankind, the one question no one could—or wanted to, they had begun to suspect—answer, the question that was the whole mystery of their small world: How came the titans to be?

“Think—how improbable is it that the boy’s the only human who can transform? And why the hell can he, in the first place?” Hange was throwing questions into the room, ruffling through her messy brown hair that had long since come undone from its ponytail. “And wait! Maybe there’s a connection between this and why titans look so similar to humans?”

Mind racing, Nora was pacing her friend’s office, heedless of the books, folders, notes and documents strewn around everywhere. She was fiddling with the hair tie around her wrist, her thick, tangled blonde mane spilling over her chest and back. When she spoke, it was more like thinking aloud. “This is so incredibly fucked up, Hange. I don’t even want to say it, but I think we have to toss our whole evolutionary theory for the titans. I mean, it never really made sense in the first place! There was always something missing. Why would they have appeared seemingly out of nowhere? And how the hell don’t we know a damned bloody thing, if it’s only been a hundred years ago?”

She looked at Hange with wide eyes, who said aloud what they both were thinking.

“Someone—multiple someones, most likely—are screwing with us. With all of humanity.”

Nora nodded. “There’s no way no one knows the truth behind all of this. Not with the Colossal, and the Armoured, and now this boy… Not with how the government made people who were curious or said too much disappear.” Again, she thought of the father she had never known.

While the fury in her burned hotter and brighter with every passing minute, Hange had an entirely different reaction. She was gripping her desk so hard her knuckles turned white, but on her face was a maniacal expression unlike anything Nora had ever seen on her, and a truly unsettling laugh bubbled up from the Section Commander’s lips.

“Oh, the fun’s just starting, I know it,” Hange bit out between bared teeth.

“And when shit hits the fan, we’ll be right in the middle of it,” Nora answered, kicking the wall to her right hard enough that the plaster crumbled.

## #

The two titans—Hange fondly called them Sawney and Beane—the regiment had managed to capture alive after the invasion of Trost lifted their spirits somewhat. As did the news that Eren Jaeger, the young titan shifter, wanted to join the Scouts of his own accord. There was only the small matter that they had to convince the higher-ups to put him under the responsibility of the Survey Corps. The MP branch, those corrupt cowards, wanted to kill and dissect the teenager who had saved humanity and could be one of their biggest hopes. No doubt because there was a lot some influential people wanted to hide.

Over the last few days, while she had been cowled up with Hange in her office, the lab, or the library, Levi had spent many hours in Erwin’s office. After a year with them, Nora didn’t doubt the two cunning men had worked out some plan to achieve their goal.

Because of the work she did with Hange, she was allowed to attend the tribunal. Nora came to stand behind her captain. She hadn’t been this close to him for quite a while, with everything that had happened. Holed up as she had been over the last few days, Nora had seen less of him than ever before since they knew each other, and it bothered her that she had even noticed this. Without his presence, she was even more on edge than usual.

Inhaling his scent was soothing, for once, and she leaned closer, whispering into his ear.

“I’m itching to see what you two’ve planned.”

The set of his shoulders stiffened briefly. He turned halfway, watching her out of the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t be. I have a feeling it’s not gonna be pretty.”

At first it seemed like that was all Levi had to say. Nora was already looking around the courtroom when he added, “Good to see you made it out of your den, you madwoman. Even managed to take a shower.”

A faint flush crept onto her cheeks at his remark. Before she could respond, however, they brought Eren in and the tribunal commenced.

As was expected, the lazy, spoiled Councilmen weren’t interested at all in using what had been given to them to gain back Wall Maria. _Why would they be?_ Nora thought, her stomach twisting in anger. _They can hide their fat arses behind Sina and don’t care about the rest of the population, as long as they can stuff themselves._

One of the wealthy, influential merchants was ranting, even calling them delusional for wanting to save humanity, until Levi, out of nowhere, interrupted. Apparently, he’d had enough of their shit, as well.

“Squealing louder won’t help your case, pig.” His deep voice was barely raised, yet everyone fell silent immediately. And he proceeded to call them out on their selfishness in an outrageously insulting manner.

For the first time, Nora experienced first-hand how terrifying Levi was to most people. Anyone else daring to speak to them like this would have been flayed. Yet, they barely managed more than a meek, defensive answer.

Nora felt a sudden, strong urge to kiss her captain. Stronger than usual, even.

Things quickly spiralled out of control after that. The accusations grew wilder and wilder, until Eren couldn’t stand it anymore and started yelling at them, mostly to defend the young witness Nora supposed was his girlfriend.

While his words were compelling, they were also those of a brash, naïve child. She watched the cowards of Wall Sina draw back in fear at his rage, and Nora knew the boy was done for. Just as one of the MPs aimed his gun on him, Levi strode forward.

And kicked Eren square in his jaw.

Nora flinched. It got only worse from then, but she forced herself to watch. Not once in her years as a Garrison soldier had she seen anyone get beaten up so viciously. Levi continued striking and kicking him relentlessly. His face was cold and expressionless, as if beating someone to a pulp was a regular occurrence for him, barely even an inconvenience.

Halfway through the gruesome ordeal, Nora realised exactly what her captain was doing. A short glance at Erwin’s face confirmed her suspicion.

Brutal as it was, they were saving the boy’s life.

Still, it was sickening to watch. To watch what Levi was— _had_ to be—capable of. Reality was hard and cruel, as it had always been.

_What on earth have you been through? What did you have to do to survive the Underground, Levi?_

Nora could hardly begin to imagine.

“Jaeger was able to kill twenty titans before he ran out of steam,” Levi was saying, “As an enemy, his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous. But I could still take him down without a problem.”

Yes. She supposed she could see why everyone was afraid of her captain. Next to him, Eren seemed as intimidating as a puppy.

And who would dare challenge humanity’s strongest?


	10. Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter makes you suffer a little bit, just know writing it made me suffer, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case someone hasn't already seen, but would be interested: I've posted a one-shot from Levi's POV set during the months of Chapters 7 and 8.

Erwin drove home the point Levi had so eloquently made at the tribunal and Eren was subsequently placed under the captain’s supervision.

Late at that same evening, when all Survey Corps members who had been present at the tribunal had returned to the HQ, their newest member was brought to the basement at once. He was to be confined underground at night until he wasn’t deemed a potential threat anymore.

Levi gathered his squad—minus Eren—to a short meeting in the empty dining hall.

He shared the news, talking about Eren’s shifting ability, their duties, the next expedition in one month, that it was to be assessed if he could learn to control his power.

“Our task is to protect Eren. His abilities might be the key to retaking Wall Maria,” their captain said. “However, it is also our duty to kill him, if necessary.”

He let that sink in. The others had not been at the tribunal, and they did not have much more than public information on this unique situation.

“Captain, do _you_ think he’s dangerous?” Petra asked.

“I think he’s a hot-headed brat that doesn’t know what he got himself into, and how. His intentions are probably good. Doesn’t mean we can trust him, though.”

Quite an accurate assessment, Nora thought.

“For safety reasons, we will depart for the old Scout HQ tomorrow. We’ll stay there until the expedition. Hange will arrive soon after, and she and Nora will try to find out as much about Eren’s titan abilities as possible. Our primary tasks are the supervision of his training, or whatever the hell I should call this, and preparation for the expedition.”

That worked out more than nicely for her. Nora’s squad mates probably wouldn’t be as ecstatic about it, being secluded from their comrades for the entirety of a month. She frankly didn’t care about that at all, though; she didn’t even have to dispense with Hange’s company.

Levi dismissed them, and while the others left, Nora decided to stay for a while. It was definitely too early for her to try going to sleep. Instead, she went for the counter and refilled her cup of tea. Turning back, she saw she wasn’t alone in the mess hall: Levi hadn’t moved; he was still sitting at the tail end of the table everyone else had vacated.

Somewhat puzzled, Nora took the chair to his left. She stole a glance at him over the rim of her cup. He was lounging, one elbow on the table, one ankle crossed over his thigh.

And he was watching her again, in that particular way that made the hairs on her body stand on end. As if he was waiting for something, trying to see right through her, taking note of her every facial expression.

She sure as hell hoped he didn’t figure out what she was thinking about.

This was the kind of staring contest Nora couldn’t win. Levi didn’t concern himself unspoken conventions like appropriate amounts of eye contact. Not that _she_ had ever figured out that kind of stuff that seemed to come naturally to others—but she was pretty sure she tended to look at people too little.

And Levi did whatever he felt like; Nora had seen him completely ignore people that were trying to talk to him, and she had seen him stare them down until they cowered in fear—or were deeply unnerved, at the very least. Right now, Levi’s scrutinising, steely eyes didn’t waver once from her face. The lighting of the room made them shine like a freshly polished blade.

Exasperated, she set her mug down forcefully, turning her eyes from his.

“What is it?” she asked through her teeth, nostrils flaring.

A few seconds of tense silence. Then—

“Are you afraid of me now?”

The question threw her off completely, and she looked at him again, uncomprehending. Was he teasing her, or what?

“The hearing,” he added, expressionless. “Me, beating a kid to a bloody pulp.”

Nora involuntarily looked at his hand resting on the table. The long fingers were clean, immaculate. But then, he had mostly used his booted legs.

“I’ve certainly found a whole new appreciation for the fact that I survived the hand-to-hand training you put me through, so far,” she joked.

Frowning, Levi said, “I’m serious.”

“I can see that,” Nora mumbled, perplexed. Averting her eyes again, she said, “No, I’m not afraid of you.”

“I see,” he answered, obvious by his tone that he was still scrutinising her, “Disgusted, then?”

“What?” Nora jerked her head back up, baffled. “Why would you think that?”

Scowling, he opened his mouth, and she knew instantly he was going to insult her for such an obvious question.

“Scratch that,” she forestalled him, shaking her head, “Why do you even ask?”

Of course, he didn’t answer, that prick.

Rolling her eyes at him, she said, “I understand perfectly well what happened today. I know why it was necessary.”

“Doesn’t change shit about what you—” Levi stopped mid-sentence. The hand on the table was balled to a fist, his mouth set into a harsh line. Relentless, he said, “It doesn’t change what I’m capable of—and that I don’t even give a shit. I don’t regret it, and I’m not sorry. I won’t pretend otherwise.” His expression was as cold as his voice, and he was looking at her as if he wanted to make her understand something.

What was even going on here? Nora frowned at him.

“Well, it does make a difference for me. And why should you regret something that was necessary?” Unthinking, she continued, the unorthodox nature of their conversation leading her to spill more truths than she’d usually be ready to share. “Besides, there’s nothing you could say or do that would make me afraid, or disgust me.”

Eyes flashing, Levi leaned forward, bringing his face closer to hers. Nora froze, surprised by his reaction, breath caught in her throat. He was close, too close; his warm, delicious breath fanning over her face, sending her senses into overload.

“Careful with your assumptions,” he murmured, voice dark and suggestive.

She licked her lips, mouth suddenly dry. “I know who you are.”

“You don’t. I’ve done things much, much worse than today, for less than noble reasons.” He was still so close, his gaze lingering where her tongue had just been.

Thoroughly distracted, but refusing to inch away, Nora needed a few seconds to compose her answer. “I may not nearly know everything you _did_ —it’s not like you ever talk about yourself—but I know _you_. I’ve known you for a year, now.” There was no doubt in her mind at the truth of her words, no wavering, and not even _he_ could convince her otherwise.

Maybe her firm, stubborn conviction had shown. At least, Levi did not contradict her again. “You aren’t all that forthcoming, yourself, for someone so brash.”

She was about to give an intelligent response to that—unfortunately, it flew right out of her head when he lifted a hand to her face; slowly, and watching her closely, as though testing if she would shy away like a frightened animal.

Nora couldn’t have moved if her life had depended on it. Levi’s knuckles grazed over her cheek, leaving a fiery trail in their wake, her skin prickling where he touched it. Then, he buried his fingers in the long hair framing the side of her face, pausing.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her breathing accelerated. Her heart was hammering, and she felt too hot, the heat radiating from where his hand was touching her face to all over her body. On instinct, she moved her head closer to his.

She heard him draw in a sharp breath, and he withdrew his hand, leaning back in his chair, away from her. The sudden distance was staggering after what had just transpired between them.

“Shit,” he cursed, pinching the bridge of his noise with his fingertips. And then, in a voice so low she thought she must have imagined it, he muttered, “Maybe Hange had a point.”

Levi stood before Nora’s foggy brain had a chance to catch up.

“Go to bed,” he said briskly, and was out of the room.

## #

When she fell asleep many hours later, Nora was haunted by the same face that had occupied her waking thoughts. In her sleep, Levi didn’t pull away. Instead, their mouths connected, and she tasted him, felt his lips hot on hers. He was ravaging her with his mouth and tongue, and she surrendered, gasping into him.

“Please,” her desperate, needy dream-self said, and he pulled her up, slid his arms down her waist, over her bottom, under her thighs, lifting her onto the table.

“You should run, while you still can,” Levi said while stepping close, her legs framing his hips.

In answer, she pulled at his cravat, bringing his lips back to hers. Their kiss grew hotter and hotter, the throbbing in her core almost unbearable.

A small, relieved whimper tore from her throat when his hands travelled to the waistband of her trousers, unbuckling the belt and opening the buttons. Nora was shaking, her heartbeat wildly accelerating in anticipation. And then, finally, too slowly, Levi slid his hand beneath the fabric, fingers trailing along her hot, sensitive skin, skimming the rim of her underwear, dipping below—

Nora woke to nothing but the first rays of sunshine and her racing heart. Her own excitement must have pulled her out of her sleep, like it happened when dreaming of jumping from a high cliff; the sensation of free fall, as exhilarating as it was terrifying, sure to awaken you before the dreaded impact.

For a moment, she just lay there, staring at the ceiling, breathing too hard.

“Fucking hell,” she hissed then, pressing her pillow into her face. She had _begged_ him, for crying out loud. It had just been a dream, and still, humiliation was burning hot on her cheeks.

This one was entirely on him, Nora decided, one hundred percent his fault; from the lack of sleep, to her deep sense of frustration, right to how her skin was feeling now; too tight, too hot—and too damp between her thighs.

What a perfect way to start a long, strenuous day.

## #

They were going at a leisurely pace, and Nora had to struggle to stay awake atop her buckskin. Oluo’s blabber was like the constant, annoying buzz of a gnat. He was trying to intimidate their new squad mate but only embarrassing himself in the process, of course.

 _Just ignore him_ , Nora wanted to tell Eren. She didn’t though, unwilling to risk involving herself in social interaction. Yawning, her gaze fell on the back of her captain’s head. She scowled.

There wasn’t enough tea in the world to deal with the kind of sleep deprivation she had only _him_ to thank for.

After the agitating and confusing hot-and-cold-treatment from yesterday evening, she had not yet decided on a course of action—it was difficult, when one’s mind was clouded with anger and fatigue and desire; quite an unfortunate combination. Nora knew her options, though, and they included several different directions, each satisfying in its own way: slap him, snap at him, ignore him. Ask him what the fuck that had been last night.

Or pay him back in kind. If that was even possible. You just couldn’t know for sure, with him.

The castle that once had been the HQ of the Survey Corps was barely more than a ruin now. It was still pretty, from a distance, at least. Though from what she could see, Nora guessed the inside would not look much better than the stables.

Eld and Gunther, standing next to her, were coming to the same conclusion, carelessly verbalising their thoughts.

“This place has gone to hell.”

“Bet the insides are shambles.”

“Shut up, you two,” Nora hissed, but it was already too late.

Levi had been in hearing range. “In which case, we have a problem, don’t we,” he said, his voice ominous. “Best grab a broom and get to work.”

Nora groaned inwardly. What a shitty day.

## #

Not bothering to wait until she was assigned a random, unpleasant task, Nora headed straight for kitchen and adjacent mess hall. Best to clean the areas where the tea was.

It took hours of dusting, clearing out cupboards, wiping surfaces, mopping floors, cleaning windows, and putting everything back where it belonged. When she was finally done, the only dirty thing left in the room was herself. She reeked of horse, she was sweaty, and her frantic cleaning had swirled up enough dust to settle on her clothes and in her braided hair.

Her exhaustion bone-deep, Nora plopped herself down on one of the chairs with a groan, a fresh, steaming cup of her favourite tea in hand. She had just taken her first sip when Levi entered.

“Your timing is beyond eerie,” she said, shaking her head, “you must be smelling the tea all across the castle. I swear I’ve brewed it up not a minute ago.”

He surveyed the room, probably to find something to criticise about her work. _Oh, I dare him to try that with me today_ , Nora thought, watching him with narrowed eyes and no intention to offer him a cup. Rude as he was, Levi saw no need of an invitation, instead helping himself to some of her tea right away.

“As a matter of fact, I was already on my way here when I smelled it in the corridor,” he said, leaning against the counter—not coming to sit with her today, Nora noticed—as his expressionless eyes found her over his cup. “I had planned to clean up here and then make some.”

Deranged minds think alike, or something like that. She waited for him to nag about the cleaning job she had done, but nothing came. Instead, Levi continued watching her silently—once again.

Maybe driving her round the bend had become a favourite pastime of him.

She was too tired for this shit today. He obviously wouldn’t bring up the past evening, and she absolutely refused to. It had been _him_ who had started it, and him who had retreated, after all, in a spectacularly abrasive manner to boot.

So, Nora finished her tea while pointedly ignoring his staring, the minutes ticking by quietly.

“Am I done for today? Can I go shower?” she asked curtly, without even a glance in his direction.

A few seconds of silence followed, in which she could feel his gaze burning through her, a slew of unspoken words hanging heavily between them.

“Yeah,” Levi said at last, “Dinner’s in two hours.”

With a terse nod, she went.

## #

Hange arrived the very same evening, after spending the day poking and prodding her two new test subjects—literally. While Nora had spent the time trying not to fall asleep over her broom, as she jealously noted.

As soon as the mad scientist laid eyes on Eren, everything around her was forgotten, and her eyes behind the glasses got that familiar, maniacal glint.

Everyone scrambled away quickly when Eren asked the enthusiastic woman a question, taking the opening as their last chance for escape.

Even Nora left half an hour later, staying only long enough to get an outline of Hange’s experiments and discoveries. Luckily, the woman had the habit of rattling off as much information as fast as humanly possible once the subject was about anything at least remotely related to titans.

The next morning, Nora got woken up rudely by the door to the bedroom she had chosen banging open.

“What the fuck?” She was sitting upright in bed without remembering how she had got there, heart beating franticly. Blinking, she recognised Hange, already at her bedside and pulling away her blanket mercilessly.

“Get dressed, Nora! No time for your grumbling! It’s Sawney and Beane,” she was almost screaming, her voice trembling. “Someone killed them!”

## #

Two steaming piles of bones were all that was left by the time they arrived. The thoughts were racing in Nora’s head, the wailing of her best friend barely registering. Unlike Hange, she didn’t get attached to mindless cannibals, even if they had a name—but the anger she felt spurred her brain. Anger at how everything went south whenever they allowed themselves to relax for one second. Anger at their own involuntary ignorance, not caused by unwillingness to learn, to see, but by whoever those bastards were that kept crucial information so selfishly and unfairly to themselves. Locking humanity behind walls like kettle, letting them starve and die away slowly, disposing of anyone who dared seek knowledge or speak their mind.

All the puzzle pieces they had gathered over the last week arranged themselves into an incomplete but clear picture in Nora’s spinning mind. One hundred measly years of history. A giant titan kicking in a gate in a wall, then disappearing into thin air. A human boy, transforming into a monster with consciousness and an agenda. Two subjects of great scientific value, dead at their feet in spite of soldiers guarding the enclosed space.

Only someone with ODM gear could have done this unnoticed. Someone inside the Walls. Someone knowing them, and so many other things they all had no idea of. More than just one step ahead.

An enemy among them.

Commander Erwin was striding among the Scouts gathered at the scene, occasionally stopping and talking to some of them one by one. Nora frowned. That was strange. Was he trying to trip them up, looking for suspects not only among the Survey Corps, but even Squad Levi?

The commander was turning away from Eren, whose eyes followed him with a confused expression, when he spotted her standing there alone, fuming. Her heart rate picked up as he came closer.

“Nora,” Erwin said. Sometime in the past year he had dropped the use of her surname. His piercing blue eyes were fixed on her face. “I have a question for you. Who do you think the _real_ enemy is?”

It took her a few seconds to process this, and she felt a jolt in her chest at the realisation that he must have gone through a similar thought process.

“Same as it’s been from the start, it seems…” Nora shook her head, her tone bitter, a grim expression settling on her face. “Humans, not the titans. If there’s even much difference.” She nodded at the steaming carcasses. “And at least one of those enemies is too close to us for my liking.”

The commander looked at her, long and hard. Then, he said, “Come with us,” inclining his head towards Levi, waiting nearby.

She swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

## #

This was how Nora found herself in a meeting of the higher-ups, sitting amongst fellow Scouts such as the commander, section commanders, squad leaders, and veterans who had years of experience serving the Survey Corps on her. Had Erwin invited her to this solely because of her answer earlier? She felt distinctly out of place, even though sitting between Levi and Hange provided some sense of comfort.

The commander cleared his throat. “Before I get into the purpose of this meeting, let me make it clear that no one who is currently not in this room must hear about this. The meeting itself as well as all its contents are to be considered top-secret and treated as such. I expect utmost confidentiality.”

He waited until everyone had given some sign of agreement, murmurs and nods all around the table, before he continued.

“The incident early in the morning was no thoughtless act of petty revenge. There is a traitor amongst our ranks.”

A second of silence was followed by a jumble of questions and exclamations of incredulity and shock.

“Calm down.” Erwin’s clear, steady voice was enough to put an immediate end to the noise. “I have reason to believe there might be at least one person other than Eren Jaeger inside the Walls capable of shifting to a titan form. However, this person, or these people, are our enemies. And they are familiar with the usage of ODM gear.”

Glancing around the table, he took in the reactions of everyone present in turn.

“I strongly suspect they might be after Jaeger, in which case, they will take the 57th expedition as their opportunity. And I have a plan.”


	11. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's springtime...

Sleep was off the table.

The biggest disadvantage of their current accommodation was the lack of a nice, flat, accessible rooftop. Though the castle was big enough that every member of the squad had their own bedroom, it was a stifling night for springtime, or at least it felt so after the events of the day, and Nora craved fresh air and the open sky.

Grabbing the biggest mug she could find in the kitchen and filling it with tea, she set out, settling on the stone steps in the courtyard. Nora went through everything Erwin had told them earlier, and her heart constricted in terror—and anticipation. By the Walls, how fucked up she was to be eager for this crucial day come three weeks.

Eager to fight their real enemies.

“What, no roof for you to hang out on?” Levi’s voice startled her out of her reverie, and she grimaced at his ability to sneak up on her in the quiet of the night.

Not deeming this worth a response, she only shot him a cursory glance. He sat beside her on the other edge of the steps, keeping his distance.

“You still pissed at me?” He asked when the silence between them stretched out, in a tone as if he was inquiring about the weather tomorrow.

So he _did_ acknowledge that something had occurred, then.

Nora narrowed her eyes at him, willing the memory of his touch, his face so close to hers, out of her head. “I’m pretty much always pissed at you, you rude bastard. Why ask now?”

Levi’s mouth tightened. “That’s a yes, then.” It was all he said to this.

She sighed, bracing herself for what she needed to do next. “Nevertheless, I’ve been thinking, and I want to ask a favour of you.”

Instant suspicion covered his features, so she added, “As captain. And the best fighter there is.” There were more important issues than pride, inappropriate feelings, and personal grudges. Plus, disregarding facts was not her style.

“Spill,” he said curtly.

“I want you to teach me how to fight humans—above the basic training I received as cadet on this. I want to learn how to properly use a knife, and my swords, against them.”

He gave her a long look. “You want to learn to cut them down, kill other humans?” Levi asked sharply, wanting to make some kind of point.

“No, I want to let myself and my comrades get killed by them, instead,” Nora snapped. She took a deep breath. “In all seriousness, after this week, after what went down today? If it comes to that—if it’s either us, or them—I won’t hesitate.” Her eyes were burning with anger.

Finding whatever Levi was looking for in her words, in her expression, he nodded. “Fine by me. We’ll make some time for that.”

## #

“I’ll show you the grip and a few basic moves first, then you’ll try to evade or counter them.” Levi handed her one of the two knives he had drawn from his belt, hilt first.

It was the late morning of the next day, and Nora had just finished cleaning the stables. Her squad mates were busy with gardening, or lunch break, as far as she knew. At least she had seen Eren pulling out weeds earlier, following every order of his captain with utmost diligence. And who knew what Hange was doing right now. Maybe she was holed up in her makeshift office, brooding over notes.

Already, the sun was high in the sky, casting its luminous glow over Levi’s midnight-black hair, not a single cloud in sight. They were standing on a grassy patch behind the stables, out of sight from the main complex of the castle.

“What if I accidentally cut you?” Nora asked, eyebrows knitting together at the sight of the shining, sharp edge of the knife in her hand.

He snorted, raising an eyebrow at her. “Shouldn’t you be more worried I might be hurting you?”

“Please,” she scoffed. “The only way that could happen is if you intended to. I, on the other hand, don’t know the proper technique yet.”

“True,” Levi said, one corner of his mouth lifted, “but it still won’t happen. No matter how inapt you are at this, you won’t be able to score a hit on me, not even accidentally.”

His eyes were challenging her to contradict him. Knowing him, Nora wasn’t stupid enough to dare, though.

“I guess that means I’m not supposed to hold anything back?” she asked instead.

“Never.”

The half hour that followed was as frustrating as she had expected it to be. Levi came at her using the exact motions he had shown her beforehand, at a fraction of his real speed, but still faster than any normal person. He had never been patient. The best she managed were one or two dodges. She didn’t get a single chance at a counter attack. He, on the other hand, managed to “kill” her over and over and over, the tip of his blade stopping precisely before cutting skin or cloth each time, the control he exerted over his every movement inhumane.

“You’re dead,” Levi said, knife pointed at her ribs.

“Dead.” The tip pressing between her shoulder blades.

“Dead,” he murmured, pausing with the blade at her throat, the baritone of his voice caressing her ear, goosebumps travelling from her neck down her side.

Anger was simmering in her belly, yet Nora barely noticed it beneath the intense wave of lust flooding through her core, impossible to ignore. Levi was close enough she breathed in his scent, close enough he could have kissed the place on her throat he was pointing his knife at. She shivered.

How could a voice sound so erotic, so _sensual_ to her? How was it possible that anyone could have such an effect on her?

Fighting to clear the fog in her brain, Nora stepped away, getting some much-needed distance. She was unbearably hot all over, face flushed.

_Get yourself together. This is important. Knife fights aren’t supposed to be arousing, dammit!_

“What are you doing?”, Levi asked, an unexpected sharpness to his tone when she shed her jacket and went for the buttons on her shirt.

“What does it look like? It’s too hot, I can’t concentrate.” Nora was on edge, her insides feeling wound up tightly, skin crawling. She undid a few buttons down her collar, pushed up her sleeves, and braced herself for getting near him again. Damn him and his voice, and his looks, and his blunt, weird personality, and his fucking _smell_ , even. Damn him for being difficult and for making her life difficult.

He was scowling at her like her more casual getup was a personal affront, gaze lingering at the exposed skin above her chest. She scowled right back.

Their one-sided fight started again, but something about Levi’s movements was different. After a while, Nora realised he seemed angry; the composed, calculating demeanour from earlier had vanished. He was still holding back like he always had to inside the Walls, but he wasn’t as careful anymore, not predicting her every move as easily as before.

It provided an opening where she managed to sidestep his attack by getting right into his space, too close for him to reach her with his outstretched arm, her knife speeding towards the hand with which Levi was holding his own blade. Nora did not make it, however. Moving faster than her eyes could follow, he turned and grabbed her wrists, both their knives falling to the ground, her arms confined in his grip.

“You wouldn’t even have gotten this far if you weren’t so damn distracting,” Levi hissed in frustration, his breathing laboured. It came out in a way that Nora suspected he hadn’t even meant to say it out loud, and she felt a throb in her core.

“Equal terms, then,” she said shakily, holding onto his forearms, tilting up her chin to meet his eyes. “That’s only fair.”

His gaze was stormy, black bangs falling over the fine arch of his brows, the grip on her wrists unwavering. Nora had no idea what he might do next, didn’t even know what _she_ might do. Unable to form a single rational thought, alle she could do was hold on and stare.

“Captain?” A shout came from the other side of the stables. Petra, pulling them back into reality. “Lunch is ready!”

Her arms dropped. Levi had released her immediately and was already bending down to retrieve the knives, lying forgotten in the grass.

Nora turned to go, struggling to school her face into something resembling neutrality, willing the flush in her body to cool down, when she felt his hand on her bare arm, instant goosebumps raising the fine hairs beneath.

“Keep it,” he said, handing her the knife again. “You’re gonna need it.”

## #

They all had their lunch together at the wooden table outside. Hange had done all the talking, bombarding Eren with all kinds of questions related to the times he had transformed, and some… not so much related. When Hange started to inquire about certain bodily functions while he was stuck in a titan’s body, Nora had to jump to the poor young soldier’s rescue.

“You can see he’s eating normally, right? Pretty sure Eren can take care of all basic human needs, just like the rest of us, when he’s not stuck in titan flesh.”

Eren looked at them wide-eyed and embarrassed, giving a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

“Seriously, four-eyes, it’s in no way relevant if the brat shits himself in there,” Levi added helpfully.

Sighing, Eren rubbed his temples with his thumb and index finger. Nora was quite sure he thought they were all crackpots. And he was probably right.

Nora lingered behind after her squad had deserted the table, watching Hange scribbling furiously in her notebook. Without any distractions, her thoughts wandered back to earlier.

“Hange?” She began, and her friend looked up from her notes, blinking at her behind her glasses. “Just out of curiosity… Are there any rules regarding romantic… entanglements between soldiers in the Survey Corps?” The word ‘relationship’ just wouldn’t come out in this context.

Hange gave her a shit-eating grin. “I’ll tell you, if you admit why you’re asking.”

“Ugh. If you insist…” Nora buried her face in her hands. “Maybe you were right. Levi is… He might… I might… There _might_ be a little something going on between us.”

“No shit.”

Cheeks flaming, Nora glared at her.

“Romantic relationships between Scouts are tolerated, as long as they don’t interfere with missions,” Hange said, “Though, officially, this doesn’t apply if it’s between subordinate and superior, especially an immediate superior, of course.”

“Of course,” Nora intoned, voice dry.

“I guess it’s easy to see how there could be issues while on expeditions, in that kind of situation. Y’know, soldier’s duties and conflicting interests and the likes.” Hange’s tone was airy, the broad grin still in place.

“So, you’re telling me I should leave it be.” Whatever ‘it’ was, if it even existed.

“What? No, where did you get that from?” Hange laughed at her confused, frowning face. “I was only telling you about those rules because you asked. Who gives a fuck?”

After the morning she’d had, Nora’s nerves were wearing thin. “You’re a piece of work, Hange.”

“Love ya, too.” The brown-haired woman gave her an affectionate nudge. In a more serious manner, she added, “Besides, personally I don’t think it’s a rule one can simply decide to obey. People can’t really control their feelings, and in the end, it makes no big difference if you’re pining from afar or jumping each other’s bones. Except the latter option is definitely more fun.”

That made Nora smile. “Generally spoken, I can see the logic in that.” Fighting for humanity, they were giving up enough as is. Moreover, it was impossible not to care about any of your comrades, platonically or not. Some of them were bound to become family—or more. The bond grew tighter each time they fought back-to-back, strategized together, returned from a mission alive. And if finding solace in each other distracted soldiers from all the death they were surrounded with, all the better.

And private matters such as these weren’t anyone else’s business, anyways.

“So…” Hange poked Nora’s upper arm. “Is he any good? Satisfying all your needs? I’m quite curious, seeing as he’s such a rigid clean freak—”

“How should I know?” Nora burst out. Quieter, she continued, “When I say there might be something, I certainly don’t mean we had sex. Not even close.”

“What happened, then?”

“Nothing much, but…” Trailing off, Nora thought how to summarise it, struggling to put it into words. She kept her eyes rooted on the surface of the table when she spoke. “He’ll … come close, and just when I think we—” She broke off, leaving out the part she couldn’t understand herself. “He backs away and cusses at me.”

Heat flooded her face once again at the memory of the expression in his eyes when they had sparred earlier. “Today, he said I’m distracting.”

“I’m surprised you got him to admit that.” Hange chuckled. “Though if you weren’t as pigheaded as him, you could have just jumped him months ago and it would have been a done deal, you know.”

Feeling exhausted all of a sudden, Nora shook her head and sighed. “You don’t know that. And it would be a bad idea, anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah. Try telling yourself that. Just make sure to let me know the juicy details, once you two stop being so stubborn. You know, for science.” Hange leered at her, earning a half-hearted punch on the arm.

“Enough of that.” Nora stood, trying to banish all thoughts of a certain black-haired, steel-eyed man. “Let us get to work and bother Eren a bit.”

## #

“We’ll be at the rear centre, here.” Gunther pointed at the map spread out in the grass. “The safest place of the formation.”

“That’s a first,” Nora remarked, earning mumbles of agreement from her squad mates.

Gunther explained how the expedition was meant to be a trial run, to see if they could get Eren to Shiganshina and back safely. Nora bit her lip and did not meet anyone’s eyes. She stole a glance at Eren’s neckline, where the necklace with the key was hidden beneath his clothes: a chance at the truth, just like the expedition. Her friends were right about one of its purposes, though. Eren had to be protected at all costs.

“Did any of you understand why the commander asked all of us that question back then?” Gunther was looking at everyone in turn with a doubtful expression.

Of course, he would bring this up. They weren’t stupid, not even Oluo. Nora managed to shake her head vaguely when each of them denied the question, clueless about Erwin’s intentions. How she despised lying, even though it was necessary.

She could only hope it would work out.

It was then that Eren’s friends showed up, thankfully bringing an end to their speculations. Nora watched the beautiful, black-haired girl—Mikasa, she recalled Eren mentioning—grabbing him by the arms, an intense expression on her face as she talked to him.

When he joined his squad later, he seemed deep in thought, and there were worry lines etched on his forehead and at the corners of his teal eyes. Eren wasn’t exactly the optimistic type, and Nora couldn’t fault him for that at all.

“So, your girlfriend joined the Scouts, too?” she asked him.

“My wh—” he whipped his head in her direction, mouth open. “Do you mean Mikasa?”

“How many girlfriends do you have?”

The expression on his face was one of utter shock. Nora thought it was hilarious.

“It’s not like that at all! She’s a childhood friend,” he said.

“Ah.” Nora nodded at him, keeping her face straight. “Just like the blond boy—Armin, right?”

Eren was frowning at her in contemplation, unsure what to make of her question. “Yeah… I guess…” He didn’t seem convinced.

Nora smiled, shaking her head in amusement as she walked away from the befuddled boy.

## #

The next sparring session with her captain went similar to the first. Though it remained impossible to land a hit on him, Nora at least managed to evade more often and improve her technique. The tempo of the practice increased bit by bit, and Levi opted for less predictable attacks the more she warded him off.

As a result, she landed on her bum quite often, the tip of his blade hovering an inch from her skin, but on the plus side, it took all her concentration to keep up. They never were in close proximity for longer than a few seconds at once, not even long enough to catch the faintest whiff of his scent, and it was for the better: Nora’s focus remained entirely on the fight, on the steps of her opponent—as far as her eyes could follow the quick movements—and on the blade in his hand, glinting in the sunlight.

They had been at it for quite a while when she noticed what had been nagging at her subconscious from the beginning.

“Wait—weren’t you using your other hand last time?”

Levi frowned at the knife currently clenched in his left hand. “I thought it would be good practice for you if I switched it up. What about it?”

Staring at him with lifted eyebrows, Nora wondered why she was even surprised anymore. But there was no difference whatsoever in his craft, regardless of which hand he used. And he was so nonchalant about it, as always when it came to his insane amount of skill.

“’What about it’?”, she echoed. “Don’t you have a dominant hand?”

“No,” he said forcefully. “Are you done with your annoying questions?”

“That eager to bring me to my knees again?” She imagined he had to be quite bored by now; her trousers were riddled with grass stains.

“You have no idea.” Levi’s dark eyes roamed over her body once, and he attacked again before Nora had the time to process his answer.

## #

After the exertions of the day, the spray of the hot shower was welcoming, the warmth doing wonders to soothe her sore muscles. Nora took her sweet time detangling her freshly washed hair. It was a shame she had to get into a fresh set of uniform and gear up again, but they had to be alert, in case Eren went titan on them, until after dinner when they sent the poor boy to the basement.

Clean and dressed again, her damp hair left down to dry, she had still an hour until mealtime. Perfect opportunity for tea. Grabbing the book on her bedside table, Nora went for the dining hall.

“Nice,” she said upon entering, seeing Levi was already fixing their favourite drink at the counter.

She took the teapot after he had filled his cup and poured one for herself without another word. To his credit, he didn’t complain, didn’t even give an indignant grunt. She leaned against the counter at an arm’s length from him. Of course, he was in a fresh set of clothes, as well. He had shed jacket, button-down shirt and cravat in favour of a light grey, long-sleeved T-shirt beneath the belts of his gear. The way it fitted around his slim torso, hinting at the muscle of his chest and arms beneath, was entirely too distracting.

“Why don’t you cut it? It can’t be practical, especially not for a soldier,” he said out of nowhere, his first sentence since Nora had entered the room. Levi’s eyes were on her damp hair, the drying lengths already curling up again, reaching to her waist. Now that she thought about it, she was surprised it had taken him a year to mention it in the first place—the captain liked things neat, clean and orderly, and her hair only met one of these criteria most of the time.

Her mum’s voice echoed in her head. _That mane of yours! Stubborn, temperamental, and beautiful—just like the rest of you_. She would laugh and ruffle her daughter’s hair after saying this, annoying the hell out of her.

The grip on her cup of tea tightened. “Sentimental reasons,” Nora answered. “Besides, I’m used to it, and I kind of like it. Unlike you, I don’t have an unhealthy obsession with tidiness—”

“I never said there was anything wrong with your hair,” he stated without any infliction in his voice.

“Oh,” she said, taken aback. “I thought that was implied, with your question.”

“I was just asking, brat.” Levi was scowling into his tea.

The corners of her mouth lifted. Nora thought of all the times he had knocked her down today and decided she deserved some fun.

“So, are you saying there’s nothing wrong with my hair? Or that you just chose to not say outright how much the ‘mess’ bothers you, neat freak?”

Levi gave her the particular glare that always sent their comrades scurrying off for shelter. It was immensely gratifying.

“Would you stop annoying the shit out of me for once?”

“If you answer my question, maybe.” Nora grinned. He almost seemed uncomfortable, as if he was sorry he had brought up the topic in the first place.

“Damn you, woman.” With an exasperated sigh, he said, “Your hair is perfectly fucking fine.”

Heart beating faster, she inched a bit closer to him, putting down her cup. “Didn’t know you could be such a sweet-talker.”

A small muscle above his jaw twitched. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

In stark contrast to his coarse words, Levi leaned in, grabbed a thick wisp of her hair between his fingers and brought it up near his face, as if to get a closer look.

“Smells nice, too,” he murmured, and her stomach fluttered.

“Really,” she breathed, and his hooded gaze met hers, round-eyed and too bright, before slowly trailing down to her lips, and further, further, leaving heat in its wake.

Realising what he had been doing, Levi dropped the hair he had been holding and withdrew a few inches, squeezing his eyes shut.

 _Pay him back in kind_. Without a second thought, Nora followed suit, stepping so close she could feel the heat radiating from his body. He froze. His breath came out in rapid puffs of air, caressing the sensitive skin on her cheek.

“This is highly inappropriate.” Levi’s hushed voice was husky.

Nora’s lips were an inch from the skin right below his ear. She was standing so close she couldn’t look up into his eyes. She wasn’t touching him anywhere; her fists were clenched at her sides. She inhaled his irresistible scent, her inside heating up. Tea, soap, and sweet, heady _him_.

“If you want me to back off, just say so, _captain_ ,” she whispered. To use the title now, of all times, was a deliberate provocation.

“What I want has jack shit to do with what you should—what we _shouldn’t_ —do,” Levi growled between clenched teeth.

“What do you want?” she asked, breathless, her heart racing.

A raw, strangled sound escaped his lips—and his hands gripped her hips tightly, drawing them to his. With that, Nora’s restraint broke, her arms snaking around his waist, fingers clenching the cloth at his back, and she pressed the length of her body against his. Her lips latched onto the sensitive spot beneath his jaw. He gasped, and she was burning up at the contact, at the hardness of his body all over hers, and it still wasn’t enough.

She kissed and licked her way down his neck, overwhelmed by his taste, his smell. Desire unlike anything she had ever experienced erased every rational thought in Nora’s head, every inch of her being occupied with _him_.

Levi still hadn’t moved, though his hands on her hips kept her as close to him as possible. His own desire was tangible where he held them together. Without thinking, Nora rolled her hips against his hardness.

“You are driving me crazy,” he groaned, and it shot right to her core, drawing a small whimper from her lips.

He manoeuvred them around, pinning her against the counter, and descended on her neck. The feel of Levi’s lips and teeth, kissing and sucking and nibbling, drew noises from her she had not known she could make. He bit down gently on the soft skin at the crook of her neck, followed by a soothing caress of his tongue. With a breathless moan, Nora grasped the nape of his neck with one hand, keeping him there, and wrapped one leg around his, pressing even closer. In answer, he pushed his hips harder to hers, making them both gasp.

It was like a dance they had never done before, together, yet both of them knew each step instinctively, one melting into the next.

Voices on the corridor. They froze at the same time. A moment later, the door opened, the noise of the handle being pressed down brutal in her ears. They untangled and separated in a flash.

Nora grabbed her forgotten cup of tea mechanically, holding it tightly in both hands, panting like she had just run ten laps. She chanced a glance to the side; Levi was leaning at the counter at an arm’s length from her. One leg was propped up casually. And she knew _why_ , had felt why, couldn’t keep from thinking about it, in fact. His eyes were shining silver and slightly wider than usual, his chest rising and falling a bit faster than was normal. Otherwise, he gave away nothing.

The whole squad plus Hange meandered in, talking too loudly, laughing too loudly. To give herself time to cool off, Nora drank up her tea slowly, keeping the cup over her face.

“Tea right before dinner? Typical.” Hange shook her head at them, grinning from ear to ear. She shot Levi a look. “And you always say I’m the freak.”

He didn’t answer. Nora didn’t, either. Looking back and forth between the two of them, Hange knitted her eyebrows together the way she did over her research notes.

Nora put her empty cup down with a loud clatter and went to sit at the table, avoiding looking at anyone. She hadn’t been in control over her lust-addled brain since the moment Levi had touched her hair, initiating a cascade of events that seemed unreal now that they were surrounded by their comrades again. It was impossible for her to engage in conversation.

When Levi joined them, taking his usual seat at the head of the table, he looked calm and collected, his heavy-lidded eyes downcast. The only evidence it had really happened at all was the cooling wetness Nora felt between her thighs.

Oluo’s blathering was a saving grace, for once.


	12. Into the Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone who hasn't seen already is interested: I posted another one-shot chapter from Levi's POV to "Same Time, Same Place" earlier this week.

“I thought of a way to stop you just short of killing you,” Levi said while drawing on the blackboard, a piece of chalk between the tips of his thumb and forefinger in the same manner he would pick up something dirty from the floor.

Nora understood; she didn’t like touching chalk, either.

The sketch the captain had made was pretty self-explanatory, though hilariously bad.

“We would cut out the meat at your nape with you inside…” Levi drew a dashed oval over the vaguely humanoid shape he had sketched, “cutting off your arms and legs in the process…” He was explaining this like he said everything else; businesslike, with almost no inflection in his voice, and Eren seemed more than a little freaked out, “…though they’ll grow back lizard-style anyway, won’t they? Creepy little bastard.”

Nora snorted. Her squad mates looked at her as though she’d lost it. Petra elbowed her side.

“Sorry,” she said, trying to hold back her laughter. It was probably wildly inappropriate to find this funny, but where would she be without her morbid streak? Surely not in the Survey Corps under the command of the most morbid of them all.

As soon as they agreed on this potentially life-threatening—not just to Eren, but all of them—proposition, Hange couldn’t contain herself anymore.

“Then… we’ll run experiments, right?”

## #

The first time they tried to experience Eren’s abilities first-hand turned out to be somewhat of a disaster.

Hange, Levi, and Nora waited in front of the well they’d confined Eren in for more than an hour without anything happening. Inevitably, Nora’s thoughts drifted back to the evening before.

 _Dammit_. Fidgeting in her saddle, the feel of his lips and body too vivid in her memory, she glanced sideways at Levi. His gaze was focused ahead, unwavering. Seeing him like this, his usual self—calm, determined, unapproachable—was almost enough to convince her she must have imagined what had happened between them yesterday. How _unhinged_ they both had been, and not just her: him, too. She could never have made it up on her own. Not even the spiciest dreams and fantasies Nora’s mind had fabricated of her captain before—and many of them had been as nice and pleasant as they had been outrageous and embarrassing—came close to experiencing the real deal.

Why now, after 27 years in this world? Why him, of all people, and no one before? No—she wouldn’t ponder over the second question; nothing good could come of going down that particular rabbit hole. It wasn’t as if she had no experience in these matters; she’d even tried the whole boyfriend thing once. Turned out, she was spectacularly bad at being in a relationship. But she had always thought she knew what desire was, what it felt like. She had just never understood why people made such a big deal out of it.

Only over the last year had Nora learnt she hadn’t had more than a vague inkling. And yesterday had given her the first real taste.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t already suspected what Levi could do to her beforehand; all the times they had sparred or been otherwise close to each other had taught her a thing or two about her weird little obsession with the man, how her body, her entire being, reacted to him. As embarrassing as it was to admit, even to herself; but after months of practice, she had learned to ignore the occasional, unwanted dampness in her knickers induced exclusively by him.

But yesterday, they’d been thoroughly soaked. And they had not gotten all too far—they hadn’t even kissed on the mouth before they were interrupted. It was terrifying how far she’d already been gone by then, having lost all control, and how much more she had been craving. She hadn’t felt like herself, and at the same time, she’d been more herself than ever before. No matter what, she wouldn’t have stopped.

Enough. She needed to concentrate. Better to do deal with that particular train of thought in the privacy of the night, in her own bed. Unfortunately, she now had enough material to torture herself with.

At last, they called off the experiment, retrieving the young soldier from the well. The blood from Eren’s bitten hands stained his mouth, and his eyes were wide with helplessness. Sympathy flared in Nora at the sight. He really had no control over his powers, and not for lack of trying, the poor guy.

Later at tea, the relief of her squad mates at the failed experiment was evident, though they didn’t outright admit it. Nora was stirring her cup, lost in thought. Hurting oneself was only one of the triggers. There had to be something else. What was missing, compared to the times Eren managed to transform?

 _Bang_.

An explosion of steam and noise, making them jump from the bench and draw their blades without thinking. _Shit. Now, of all times?_

As soon as Nora could see Eren through the smoke on top of the carcass that had appeared out of thin air, his expression one of panic and confusion, she jumped in front of him, trying to keep sight of all four of her comrades that had surrounded them, unsure how they’d react.

Levi was at her side an instant later. “Calm down.”

For once, they didn’t listen to their captain. Chaos erupted, all four of them shouting at Eren, demanding explanations for something inexplicable.

“Lay off him! He isn’t attacking anyone!” Nora tried to intervene, but they didn’t even hear her.

“Stay away, Nora! It’s dangerous!” Petra’s warning went unheeded as Nora took a closer look at the monstrous creation behind her, trusting that Levi would keep the situation under control. A single arm protruded from the carcass. And in its huge fingers, undamaged—a spoon.

The objective.

Hange would be ecstatic.

## #

What time was left before the expedition flew by. Between all the training and preparations, including the vital formation training, they barely had opportunities for more experiments.

A few days passed after their rather heated encounter in the dining hall with both Levi and Nora successfully avoiding being alone with the other. They said what was to say about daily tasks and anything work-related, sprinkling in the occasional dry remark or insult. With the whole squad around them, Nora could almost act as if nothing had happened. Almost.

Eventually, Levi approached her while she was practicing with her swords outside the castle—on her own.

“We probably need to talk,” he said in a flat voice, following her movements with tired eyes.

She almost stumbled. _Oh, shit_. Her heartbeat accelerated instantly at his words. It was impossible to look at him, so Nora fixed her gaze at her blades, now hanging loosely in her hands. She had a feeling that whatever he planned to say, it wasn’t something she’d want to hear. She was mortified enough as is, even though Levi had, undoubtedly, reciprocated. The memory of him pressing her against the counter brought heat to her cheeks.

“Can’t we just—”

“No,” he interrupted sharply. Seconds went by before he continued. “As your superior, I should make it clear that this was a major transgression and you won’t have to expect that kind of behaviour—”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap!” Her temper flaring, Nora forgot her embarrassment. “What difference does it make? The way I remember it, there were two willing participants.”

“I cannot deny that.” Levi said, slow and deliberate. He was still standing at a safe distance from her, watching her face. “But it was a shit idea, with shit timing to boot. We can’t afford to get distracted, especially now.”

He was right, of course, and yet, she couldn’t make herself forget.

“I’m plenty distracted already,” Nora said before she could change her mind.

Something in his expression shifted and intensified, eyes darkening. Heating her up.

“So am I, you annoying brat. Stop making it worse.”

She sighed, trying to ignore the shiver that ran through her at his answer. _She_ , distracting him; the toughest, most aloof person she knew.

“Would I make it worse if I asked you to continue sparring with me?” Her cheeks were flaming hot.

“Maybe,” Levi said, drawing his swords regardless, his gaze never leaving hers. “Come on, then. Let’s see if all that practicing paid off.”

## #

“After tomorrow, you’ll be one of us for real, properly initiated,” Eld said, giving Eren a pat on his shoulder.

The young soldier tried a half-hearted smile. Of course, he was worried; it was his first mission, after all. On the other hand, the veterans of the Special Ops squad weren’t particularly tense—with the exception of Nora. She’d be a lot less nervous too if she thought the whole purpose of the mission was nothing more than a test run in the safest position of the formation…

Levi’s behaviour was the same as always; taciturn, scowling into his tea, contributing the occasional brash comment to the conversation. He didn’t let on anything at all. Even Hange, with all her experience, did not manage to exhibit this amount of composure. Being in the know, Nora at least could tell the difference to her friend’s usual behaviour; she wasn’t as chatty as usual and kept fidgeting in her chair and straightening her glasses. If the others noticed, they didn’t comment on it.

“What’s with the glum expression, brat?” Oluo was saying to Eren in one of his awful attempts at impersonating their captain, “You’re gonna be all cosy right in the middle of the Scouts, and we’ll make sure you don’t get your sorry ass killed. Thanks to you we’re going to miss out on all the action—”

“Shut up, Oluo,” Petra snapped, “just be glad we aren’t in one of the most dangerous positions, for once.”

He grinned at her. “Oh, someone afraid, per chance? The lady needn’t worry—I’ll protect you from the big baddies.”

Nora wondered how Petra hadn’t even once kicked Oluo in the balls over all the years they knew each other.

The redhead glared at her bigmouthed comrade. “Do I really have to remind you how nervous _you_ were the first time—”

“If you’re worried about transforming, Eren, you can be sure Levi will cut you out before anything too bad happens,” Nora reassured her newest squad mate over the bickering.

Eren nodded, his eyes downcast at the cup of tea on the table in front of him. “That’s not all it is, though. I’m mostly worried about my friends.”

“I get it. You have every reason to be.”

“Nora!” Petra scolded, only earning a shrug from her in return.

“What? It’s true, and he knows it. Lying will help bugger all.”

Before Petra could retort something, Eren intervened. “It’s alright,” he said, with that too-old expression he had in his eyes, “I’d rather know what to expect.”

Nora remembered how young he had been when Shiganshina fell. His home town. _The boy has seen too much shit already_.

“Still, I wasn’t finished,” Nora said, stirring her tea, “I actually wanted to add that while you can never be sure out there, they’ll probably be okay.”

His big, teal eyes widened. “You really think so?”

“Of course I do, or I wouldn’t say so.” She smiled at him. When Eren looked like that, one could almost forget all the rage and hate he carried inside—she had only gotten glimpses of it so far when titans were mentioned. “They’re part of the signalling troops, so they won’t be at the outermost parts of the long-distance formation. Besides, while I don’t know much about the lot of them, Mikasa is already known for her extraordinary talent, and didn’t you say Armin was really smart?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” he said, a hint of a real smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Not the worst conditions for a first expedition,” Nora finished, thinking of other squads. Squads that were supposed to be buying them time tomorrow, if worst came to worst. The soft smile on her lips died. For once, she was glad she wasn’t allowed to say anything.

“She’s not wrong,” Levi added over the brim of his cup. “What’s more, no one’s going to expect much of the rookies—they’ll shelter the brats as much as possible.”

It was quiet for a few seconds. While still somewhat on edge—who wasn’t, in the Survey Corps—Eren had relaxed visibly.

“Blimey, Nora,” Petra said, a teasing quality to her voice, “That was outright _nice_.”

“Yeah, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re going soft on us,” Gunther added, grinning.

She grimaced. “I was just pointing out the facts.” Petra snickered, and Nora ruffled her strawberry blonde hair with one hand. “Also, I can be nice. Sometimes.”

“Sure, when no one’s looking,” Petra said, to the amusement of the others, though her smile was affectionate.

The conversation drifted to more pleasant matters after that, no one mentioning anything even remotely related to tomorrow. With every passing minute, it got harder for Nora to focus on the moment and on her friends, her mind obsessing over every small detail they had secretly discussed, everything that could go wrong. Her gut was twisting painfully, her heart beating too fast, her palms were sweaty.

To her, nothing was worse than the enemy you didn’t know. She had experienced this multiple times in her life. No titan had ever frightened her the way the barely known, malicious disease that took her mother had. Or even the self-serving, conniving bastards of the innermost wall that were behind her father’s disappearance twenty-five years ago, whoever they were, protecting their secrets; Military Police, government, nobility, or just rich and influential?

A titan’s intentions were clear. When a titan attacked, she knew exactly what was coming and why, knew exactly what wanted to kill her and her comrades. A titan, she could fight. Kill it, or get eaten. Simple.

Nora stood up, more abruptly than she had intended.

“I’m knackered,” she lied. “I’m going to bed. See you all in the morning.”

## #

Nights before an expedition almost always were the clearest. The sight from the castle’s courtyard wasn’t as nice as back on the roof at the HQ, but it would have to do.

“I knew you’d be here.” Levi sounded annoyed. “You’ve been getting twitchier by the second back in there.” He stood at the safety distance Nora had come to recognise as the new ‘normal’ between them over the last two weeks.

She buried her hands in her messy hair, tugging in frustration. “Can you blame me? They’d all be twitchy if they knew what you, Hange, and I know.”

He regarded her evenly. “Yeah, but fucking up your hair won’t help a thing. Same goes for freaking out. It’s useless.”

“Well, thank you for pointing that out. Really helpful. Guess I’ll just calm the fuck down, then,” Nora hissed.

Levi huffed. “Your sarcasm isn’t helping, either.”

“What the hell did you even come here for?” she rounded on him, irritation battling her frayed nerves.

He gave a frustrated sigh, and Nora half expected him to leave. Instead, he sat down on the steps beside her and untangled her hands from the hair at her temples, keeping them in his. They were warm to the touch, the skin soft on some places and callous from sword fighting on others. After how carefully he had been avoiding her outside from sparring and training, she could only stare at him in unconcealed astonishment. The feel of his hands on hers was a shock, unfamiliar and overwhelming.

They gazed at each other in the darkness of the starlit night. Even though her heart was pounding, her mind went eerily quiet all of a sudden.

“Tomorrow, we’ll ride out, as we’ve already done so often,” Levi said, his voice low, “and just as always, no matter how bad things go, no matter how deep in shit we’ll be, you’ll keep it together, use that big-ass brain of yours, and do whatever you need to do. You know why I know that?”

Nora shook her head, speechless.

“Because I know you.”

Their hands were still interlaced. Her chest felt full, ready to burst, a dozen or so intense emotions she could not quite identify swirling inside of her.

She only knew she had never been more afraid, and never felt stronger.

Slowly, she tilted her head, bringing her forehead to his. He let it happen. Their breaths intermingled, and she inhaled Levi’s scent, allowing herself to get wrapped up in him. The world fell away. Neither of them moved for what felt like an eternity and no time at all.

When she thought she couldn’t bear this any longer without kissing him, devouring him, Nora stirred, lifting her head and meeting his eyes. She didn’t understand how the cold, hard steel of them could look so soft, emanate such warmth. A study in contradictions.

“It’s just… I know tomorrow’s probably going to be the most dangerous mission yet,” she said eventually, her voice raw.

“Most likely. I’m not stupid enough to hope no one of those assholes will take the bait and show up,” Levi said. A pensive expression crossed his face, and he continued, “Though the two of us won’t have to split up according to the plan, at least.”

_Wait—that mattered to him?_

Frowning at her, he let go of Nora’s hands and flicked her forehead lightly with the tip of his index finger. “Still, try not to die.”

A smile lit up her features, despite her worries, despite her better judgement.

“Okay.”

## #

In the late morning hours of the next day, the Survey Corps had already left behind Karanes District and the abandoned village on the other side of the Wall. So far, the few titans that had attacked the outer troops of the regiment had been dispatched without casualties. Now, galloping over the vastness of Maria’s grassy landscape, they had employed their long-distance formation. Red smoke flared occasionally to their sides, followed by a green signal from their commander leading in front. For a while, they managed to successfully evade titan encounters with this tactic.

Inevitably, they saw black smoke, shooting up on the far right of the formation. For a brief moment, Nora’s eyes met Levi’s. She was riding at his side, at the head of the small formation the squad maintained—two in front of Eren, two flanking him, and two tailing.

She breathed a sigh of relief when the signal that the threat had been dispatched came.

“I hate this position. We have no way of knowing what’s going on, and it’s driving me nuts,” she told Levi, who rolled his eyes at her.

“Still a control freak, I see. By now, you should have gotten used to the fact there’s a lot of shit you can’t control whatsoever. Especially today.”

Nora glared at him, knowing perfectly well he was right and hating it. “Well, we’ve many freaks here. Some are control freaks; others are clean freaks.”

His answering scowl brought an end to their short spat. They had to stay alert, no matter how far off from the action they were.

Black smoke on the right again. Biting her lip, Nora waited. And waited.

Many minutes passed without any sign—too many. They were nearing the forest now. Finally, she could make out a fellow soldier galloping towards them; his news confirmed Nora’s fear.

“The right flank has been devastated! We don’t have anyone on lookout there anymore!”

Nora’s fists tightened around the reigns. _It’s coming_.

More and more black smoke signals were popping up. Whoever they were, they were closing in on them. How many Scouts had died already?

Titan Forest loomed ahead of them, and with it, their salvation—or demise. Seconds later, they were in, and Nora forced herself to keep her gaze straight ahead. Even when her squad mates started verbalising their doubts, unsure what to make of the terrain, the trees rendering it unsuitable for detecting approaching threats. Even when they all heard shouting, and rumbling noise, growing louder right behind them.

“Draw your swords,” Levi ordered, “It’ll happen in the blink of an eye. Be ready.”

Massive footsteps. With her blades in her hands, Nora allowed herself a backwards glance—just in time to see a Scout being hit mid-air by a huge hand, exploding in blood. For a moment, her mind froze. There was no noise, no feeling. Only the titan she saw, running towards them in breakneck speed. It—no, _she_ —had a female body shape.

Her blue eyes, cold and calculating, were fixed on Eren in the midst of the Special Operations squad, galloping for dear life.

“Captain!” Petra’s hysterical scream brought all of Nora’s senses back to reality. “Engage ODM gear?”

Levi ignored her, ignored Eld, Gunther, Oluo and Eren shouting at him with barely concealed panic, his face expressionless. Behind them, soldiers were dying, smashed against trees and snatched out of the air by their wires in cold and brutal efficiency. Never before had Nora witnessed such deliberate cruelty.

“Everyone, cover your ears,” their captain said. He shot an acoustic round, and the torturous screech reverberating through her head made Nora want to scream. _Please, let us be there soon._

“Remind me,” Levi was saying, “what is your mission? Is it to simply act on impulse in the heat of the moment? I don’t think so. This squad’s mission is to keep this brat alive, whatever the cost. Don’t forget it.”

His deep, steady voice was enough to pull Nora out of her own frenzied state, reminding her what they were here for, tethering her. Always the same, no matter how bad things got.

Her comrades also regained their composure after their captain’s words—with the exception of Eren. It was his first time having to watch others die like this, after all. Unable to do anything. Not that anyone ever really got used to it. Nora certainly didn’t; her continuing nightmares were proof of that.

“Please, help them! We have to do something!” The desperation in his voice made Nora’s stomach churn. Nothing his squad mates said could stop the boy’s protests.

“Levi,” Nora said, her voice high and thin, “shouldn’t we say something? Eren’s going to—”

“You know the orders,” he interrupted without sparing her a glance, “we don’t have to hold out much longer.”

“No, Eren!” They turned their heads at Petra’s exclamation. Eren’s hand hovered before his mouth. He was about to sink his teeth into his skin.

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Levi said, and Eren hesitated. “Do as your conscience dictates. The difference between your decision and ours is experience. But you don’t have to fall back on that.” There was no judgement in his tone. “It’s your choice. You can trust yourself, or you can trust me, and the Survey Corps. I don’t know the right answer, and I never have—there’s no guarantee, either way. You can only hope you choose what you’ll regret the least, afterwards.”

Involuntarily, Nora’s thoughts went back to something her captain had said to _her_ , once, the unapologetic honesty of it what had left the biggest impression. _Having regrets is nothing but a fucking waste of time. Learn from your experience and it might impact future decisions_.

“Please, Eren,” Nora begged, her gaze finding his wide, blue-green eyes. “Trust that we have a reason for our decisions.”

He looked at her, at Levi, and then at Petra. “Trust us,” she told him, her amber eyes shining.

The last remaining soldier of the reinforcement was closing in on the Female Titan hot on their heels. Eren squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m with you!” he shouted, lowering his hand back to the reigns.

The Scout who fought for them, for the cause, buying them time, got caught in the shifter’s enormous fist. Without even taking her icy eyes from the squad, she smashed him against a tree mid-run, tearing the body to bloody tatters.

Then, unobstructed at last, the monster accelerated.


	13. Wrecked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll do this on each chapter, since I don't like to spoil things and that's what tags etc. are for, but I just wanted to note that content warnings do, once again, apply here.

“Keep moving! We’ll outrun the bitch!”

Even though it seemed impossible, they had no choice but to do as Levi said. Nora cowered even deeper in her saddle, her hands on the sweat-dampened coat of her galloping buckskin. The Female Titan was so close she could feel the vibrations of the footsteps throughout her body. The shifter stretched out her arm, ready to snatch Eren off his horse as soon as she got close enough—

“Fire!” The commander’s voice boomed, followed by an explosion of countless grapple-hooks shooting from cannon barrels.

When the noise abated, the air behind them obscured with smoke, the squad wasn’t being chased any longer.

“Thank fuck,” Nora exclaimed loudly, painful tension leaving her shoulders.

“Tether your horses a bit further on,” Levi commanded calmly, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Switch to ODM gear. Nora and I have to break away for a bit.” He nodded at her, and the two stood up in their stirrups.

“Wait—what? Why’s Nora coming with—” Oluo interjected, but Levi continued to talk.

“Tend to our horses. Eld’s in command till I get back. Hide Eren away from the Female Titan.”

Nora threw a quick glance at her comrades. Oluo looked irritated, Eld, Gunther and Eren confused, and Petra’s eyes were wide with disbelief. When they locked with Nora’s, a flicker of disappointment passed over her face.

It stung, and Nora had to say something before they left. “We’ll explain everything later, promise!”

“You better!” Petra shouted after them.

## #

Side by side, they flew back to the spot where the enemy had been trapped beneath the canopy of the gigantic trees.

“What if she decides to change back into a human?” Nora asked.

“Easy. Then I’ll cut off her real limbs,” her captain answered.

“Sounds like a plan.”

The Female Titan came into sight, surrounded by soldiers and restrained by the wires that were anchored deep in her skin all over her body. She was covering the nape of her neck with both hands.

“You get over to Hange. Put your heads together. If you notice anything that might be worth mentioning, don’t hesitate to say it.”

Their eyes met for a moment. Nora wanted to tell him to be careful, but bit back the useless words. They split up, and Levi headed for the thick branch above the titan’s head, where the commander was waiting.

“Boy, am I glad to see you!” Hange said when Nora landed at her side. Their spot was facing the Female Titan from the right side of the broad cobblestoned path that parted the forest.

“That was pretty dang close.” Hange squeezed her friend’s side for a moment before she trained her gaze at their captive again.

“I noticed,” Nora answered, already scrutinising the murderous, blonde monster. “Eren was about to lose it and transform, but Levi talked him out of it.”

After a second round of cannons, the Female Titan was secured so firmly she could barely move an inch. Levi and Mike attacked her hands with their swords. Their blades broke at the first contact, not even leaving a dent in her skin.

“So the bitch can harden parts of her body,” Nora murmured. Her eyes were fixed on her captain, who had landed right on top of the titan’s head. She knew how fast he could move, that it was nearly impossible to catch him by surprise. Nevertheless, she was on edge seeing his precarious position. From the look on Levi’s face, he was threatening whoever was inside the Female Titan, though Nora wasn’t close enough to hear what he was saying.

Something had been bothering her since before they entered the forest.

“Hange, do you know how she managed to wipe out the entire right flank earlier? Was she alone? It just seemed awfully quick for the short amount of time…”

“I heard there were a load of normal titans with her. That’s how she broke through so fast,” Hange answered absently, her focus on the shifter.

“Weird… It seemed so coordinated.” Nora gripped her blades tighter. Something was wrong. They were overlooking something important, she felt it with a certainty that tightened her chest, and they were running short on time.

“We have to get her out _now_ ,” she urged.

“They’re readying the artillery.” Hange frowned at her through her goggles. “What’s going on?”

Nora opened her mouth. Before she could answer, though, their talk was interrupted by an ear-splitting scream.

On instinct, she pressed her hands over her ears at the bone-curdling ruckus the Female Titan made. Pure terror washed over her.

She knew what would happen next.

“There’s no time!” Nora shouted, loud enough for every soldier at the scene to hear. “We have to try and cut her out _now_! I think she called other titans!” Without waiting for commands, she shot herself into the air, soaring over the Female Titan’s head. Levi was still standing there, watching her approach, his expression aghast.

“Stay away!”

She ignored his warning and dove at the titan’s hands in full force, even though she knew it wouldn’t be enough. She had to try.

Her blades met hard resistance, the shudder from the impact travelling all the way up her arms. They broke into dozens of pieces, ricocheting from the rock-hard crystal coating the shifter’s skin, some of them slicing Nora’s arms and thighs. She barely registered the sharp pain. In the split second before she launched herself back into the air, Nora saw shallow chips in the hardened armour of the Female Titan’s hands. Not nearly enough.

She landed to Levi’s side, her feet burying ankle-deep in the nest of pale blond hair on the monster’s head.

“Fuck you!” Nora spat, rage overshadowing the terror she felt. She kicked the enormous head she was currently standing on as hard as she could.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” Levi was shouting at her. “You’ve only managed to hurt yourself! You’re bleeding!”

Mike announced what she had already been waiting for. “They’re coming. I can smell them. Dozens, from every direction.”

Three titans were already in sight, coming at them from the east, ignoring the soldiers flying around them and charging straight ahead instead.

“Dammit,” Levi spat, then glared at Nora. “Piss off from here right now, they’re on us in a second.”

“Then I’ll attack from the trees,” she said, and was off before he could command her otherwise.

Levi dispatched the first two of them in one soaring strike. The third titan latched onto the Female’s shin and buried its teeth in her flesh.

 _Shit. That’s how she wants to escape—dead or alive_ , Nora thought.

So many titans were running towards them she couldn’t count them in the chaos. At Erwin’s command, the Scouts commenced combat; flying at the mass of monsters that were completely ignoring them for once, their single-minded focus on the one that had called them here. They were tearing at the Female Titan in a brutal and efficient manner, and it was impossible to stop them all, no matter how many necks Nora sliced. She screamed in frustration, covered in so much blood it was obscuring her sight, burning her face.

“Withdraw!” The commander’s order brought an end to their futile efforts.

What remained was a steaming carcass eagerly being devoured by the titans. They had failed. All those efforts, all those lives, and they had failed.

And the worst part; Nora suspected this wasn’t over. Whoever had been in there was incredibly hard to kill, and likely wearing ODM gear. All the steam would have made for a perfect escape. She soared over to Levi and Erwin, suspending herself at the trunk of their tree, her limbs on fire from the physical exertion.

“We have to get Eren back behind the Wall immediately,” she said between gasps, “in case the arsehole that’s been inside the Female Titan escaped.”

“Before we do anything, I’ll put pressure bandages on those cuts of yours, you reckless brat. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re bleeding enough you might faint otherwise.” The dark circles under Levi’s eyes stood out starkly. He looked as hopeless as she felt. “Then, we’ll gather up the squad.”

“Not quite,” Erwin said, “Also, replenish your gas and blades.”

They complied without another word. Given the circumstances, they didn’t have any other choice.

## #

A few minutes later, Levi and Nora were on their way to the edge of the forest, looking for their comrades. Nora’s eyes kept darting around, unsure what she was looking for. Someone approaching in ODM gear, maybe, friend or foe. Or a flash of lightning, followed by the horrific sound of huge footsteps.

An ear-splitting, inhuman roar sounded, loud enough for anyone in the forest to hear.

“This isn’t good,” Levi said.

“If that was Eren—” Nora stopped. Their eyes met, and they changed their direction, flying towards the source of the noise.

Not long, and they came across a lifeless shape hanging upside down from a tree on the wires of its ODM gear. Levi seemed to recognise him before her. His eyes were empty when he glanced at Nora over his shoulder. “We have to hurry onwards.”

And they pressed on, passing Gunther’s bloody, sliced-up body, his eyes wide open and unseeing.

 _No_.

Her chest felt too tight.

A few trees farther, they found Eld—what was left of him. The upper half of his torso was there on the ground, a trail of blood running from the corner of his mouth, insides leaking into a pool of blood where the rest of his body should have been.

_Too late, too late, too late._

Levi flew onwards, and Nora followed without knowing how she was even moving; she was numb all over.

There was Oluo, lying in the grass face down, his body broken.

A strange, sharp coldness had taken root inside of her, the feeling of finality it brought with it tightening her throat.

At last, they saw Petra, and something in Nora’s chest tore. A wide smear of blood covered a thick tree from some metres above the ground all the down to its base where her mangled body lay. Her face was covered in blood, bent upwards at an odd angle, her half-closed, dead stare directed at the canopy far above them. Her body was twisted and broken. There was so much blood on her, and far more on the tree trunk. It seemed impossible that all that blood had been pumping inside Petra’s veins only minutes earlier.

They were gone. They were all gone. They had been fighting for their lives, and lost, while Nora had been elsewhere, utterly useless.

Her captain had hesitated mid-air, and with no memory how she got there, Nora found herself standing on the ground before her dead friend, staring at the pretty, ginger hair she had always admired.

_No. This can’t be real. No. No, no, no, no, no—_

“Nora.” The grip of Levi’s hands on her shoulders was firm, and she realised she had been talking out loud. As if repeating those useless two letters could change anything, _undo_ _everything_.

She bit the inside of her mouth until she tasted blood, but she couldn’t keep her body from shaking, her breath drawing in and out of her lungs too quickly.

“Look at me,” he said, voice rough, and he shook her once. Nora fixed her blurred gaze on the hard, unrelenting steel of his eyes.

“We are still on a mission. This is not over. You have to pull yourself together.” His grip on her shoulders tightened further, to a point almost painful to her numbed body; grounding her, tethering her to his presence. Raw, bottomless pain was piercing through the emotionless façade of his expression, she could see it now.

“I need you to stay alive, do you understand?” The desperate edge to his voice was unknown to her. Levi’s face was close, his gaze boring into her with rare intensity.

Nora managed to nod, concentrating on his eyes, trying to see nothing else, fighting to push back the images of her fallen comrades—bent, bloodied, broken—fresh on her mind, seared into her brain forever.

“We are still here,” she said, more to herself than to him. “ _You_ are still here.”

“Yes,” Levi answered, “And I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, so I command you to stay with me. Got it?”

“Yes sir.”

## #

“Give him back!” The black-haired girl screeched, diving and slicing at the Female Titan with reckless rage and incredible speed.

“Give him back!”

Steaming blood covered the girl’s features, yet her movements and her intentions left no doubt who she was. Nora had only seen her twice, from afar.

“Mikasa!” Nora shouted.

The girl hesitated, for a moment distracted from her manic chase, and Levi caught her mid-air, slinging his arm around her waist. The look she gave him was one of pure hatred, and Nora’s hackles rose in an irrational bout of protectiveness before she remembered that Mikasa had watched her captain beat Eren to a bloody pulp at his hearing.

“We’ll stay back for now,” Levi said.

“Tell us what you saw,” Nora demanded. When Mikasa’s eyes narrowed on her, she explained, “I’m Nora, Eren’s squad mate.”

“She bit off Eren’s entire nape and devoured him whole.” Mikasa’s voice shook. “But I know he’s alive!”

Levi opened his mouth, possibly to contradict her, but Nora forestalled him. “Not unlikely.” They both looked at her in surprise.

“It wouldn’t make sense otherwise,” Nora explained, “We know she was after Eren. If she—if _they_ wanted him dead, assassinating him inside the Walls would have been easier than this. They’ll probably want him alive because of his powers.”

Her voice sounded strange, empty. Not at all like herself. But at least she could think again, and she got her point across.

“Alright. I trust your judgement,” Levi said, and for a brief second, Nora felt a flicker of something other than hollowness in her heart, “We’ll try and get him out. We forget about taking her down—”

“No,” Nora hissed, “she has _killed_ them, we have to—”

“You know as well as I that we currently have no way of breaking through her defences,” Levi shut her down. “We’ll focus on retrieving Eren and get away from here alive. I’ll handle all the cutting. You two distract her.”

“Right,” Mikasa said.

“No,” Nora objected again. “You don’t have to do that alone, let me help.”

“You are in no state to engage in a fight. You’ve worn yourself out already,” Levi glared at her, his tone final, “you’re bleeding and shaking all over. Remember what I told you earlier.”

Nora hesitated a beat. Biting her lip, she eventually nodded.

Without wasting any more time, the two young women manoeuvred themselves in front of the running Female Titan, staying out of kicking range. She seemed to know perfectly well who the real threat was, however. When she threw a punch at Levi with her gigantic arm, he evaded, and quicker than Nora’s eyes could follow, spun around the limb, carving his way up to her eyes and leaving a spray of blood in his wake. Stabbing with both blades, he blinded the monster.

He was moving and cutting in a blur of fluent, inhumane motion—severing tendons and muscles on the joints of her legs and arms as he flew— so fast the Female Titan couldn’t harden her body parts in time, and soon she was down, leaning against a tree and unable to move her limbs.

And there was her neck, exposed. But no; as tempting as it was, she wouldn’t make it on time. And the Female’s eyes were steaming already, regenerating quickly.

It was then she saw Mikasa dart forward, right towards the nape.

“No, stop!” Nora screamed, at the same time Levi shouted, “Don’t do it!”

The hard crystal formed over the Female Titan’s weak spot, her fist shooting upwards, right into Mikasa’s path—

Levi was there in a flash, pushing the impulsive girl to the side, his feet landing hard on the back of the enormous hand. He pushed off and sliced through her jaw in one clean sweep. The chin of the Female Titan dropped, and there was Eren, resting on her tongue, covered in saliva. Levi dashed back, grabbed him under one arm as if he weighed nothing and retreated before their enemy had any opportunity to react.

“Got him! Time to go,” he shouted at them.

Mikasa’s face softened, her eyes fixed on Eren’s unconscious form.

“He’s alright,” Levi said, “Disgusting, but alright.”

Some of the tension left Nora’s body. She focused on the anger simmering beneath her skin. It was better than giving into despair.

“That was bloody stupid, just so you know,” she rounded on Mikasa, “you very nearly died. You could have gotten Levi killed.”

The fight had left the young soldier; she didn’t defend herself, only looked at Nora with wide eyes.

“Tsk. Come on, you two,” Levi said, then narrowed his eyes at Mikasa. “Don’t screw this up by making it personal, you understand? We all get that you love him, but try not to act crazy.”

He turned and shot back into the air. _Well, that was direct_ , Nora thought, and followed without looking at Mikasa again, who was stammering, called out like that.

While they fled, darting through the trees, Nora glanced at her captain. His face was covered in titan blood, the feral glint of his dark silver eyes standing out nonetheless. His mouth was drawn into a thin line. For the first time today, Nora allowed herself to hope the two of them would make it back alive.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, awestruck even after an entire year of fighting at his side, “but you’re fucking incredible.”

Sometimes, it was hard to believe he was real, and never more so than after what she had just seen him do.

The corners of his lips turned down, and his eyes drifted to the side. She didn’t think she had ever said anything like this to him before, obvious as it was. Levi seemed almost uncomfortable.

“Shut up,” he said.

## #

The survivors of the 57th expedition gathered on a grassy plane a small distance from the forest. What was left of their fallen comrades was bundled up and laid on stretchers, to be loaded onto wagons before their departure.

Nora knelt in the grass amidst four corpses. The sheets they were covered with were speckled with blood. She took the hand of the slightest of them in her own. It was limp and cool to the touch, nothing more than a piece of flesh, and there was a half-healed bite mark at the base of the thumb. Her friends had bitten themselves as an apology to Eren after that incident when they’d all had tea together, and he’d partly transformed on accident. They’d almost attacked him, jumping to conclusions out of fear and distrust. In regards to caution and their sense of duty, they’d always been better soldiers than Nora. It seemed like another lifetime, now.

A shudder went through her body. _Don’t break, you can’t break down just yet_. She clenched her fists around the cuts on her thighs, hard. Until the physical pain pushed back her other thoughts.

Irregular steps approaching made her look up. Levi was limping, coming to stand in front of the bodies.

“Get your hands off your wounds, idiot.” He inclined his head at her thighs. “You’re making the bleeding worse.”

She fixed her vacant gaze at his feet, ignoring what he said. “You got hurt when you jumped in to save Mikasa back there.”

“Yeah, fucked up my ankle.” He sounded mildly annoyed. “It’ll heal.”

He knelt down and started cutting the emblems off the jackets of his fallen squad. Never had Nora seen him look so, so tired.

She remembered the last time she saw Petra’s face, right before Nora left with their captain. Disappointed and sad at the discovery her friend and roommate had been keeping secrets from her. Nora’s hands curled into fists.

“I should have been with them,” she said, almost soundlessly. “I couldn’t do shit back where we trapped her, but maybe I could’ve—”

“Stop,” Levi cut her off forcefully. “What’s done is done. You were the quickest to think back there, and it still wasn’t enough. Not your damn fault.” He finished cutting the last of the emblems—Gunther’s—and put them all inside his cloak. Then he met her eyes, and for once there was more expression in his than in her own. “I wasn’t enough. Hange wasn’t enough. Erwin wasn’t enough. The mission failed, and there’s nothing we can do about it. They’re gone. We can only look forward and keep fighting, for our sake and theirs.”

Nora nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Do me a favour and go get yourself patched up.” Levi stood, and turning from her, he added, “If there’s only one thing I don’t regret about today, then it’s that you weren’t with them.”

## #

They departed for Karanes District soon after, not wanting to risk the attention of a few titans wandering nearby. Nora and Levi rode side by side. They hadn’t split up since she had gotten her wounds stitched and bandaged by Hange. A distance away, Nora could see Mikasa riding aside the carriage where Eren was lying beneath blankets, still unconscious.

Screaming and shouting alerted them to the danger closing in on them from behind; two titans were chasing after two soldiers who were behind the rest of the regiment. Nora squinted, and she saw one had the body of a comrade behind him in the saddle. They must have recovered his corpse against Erwin’s explicit orders. And now, they were endangering not only themselves, but the entire regiment. For nothing but useless sentimentality.

“Those fucking morons,” Nora bit out between her teeth, not exactly in an understanding mood after today, “If they want to die over a pile of meat, they can go right ahead.”

“And they will, at this rate,” Levi said, clasping his injured leg.

One of them got snatched off and eaten in a matter of seconds; Nora watched without feeling anything. The other one ended up losing the body he had retrieved and survived only due to Mikasa stepping in.

Thanks to the two soldiers disobeying sensible commands, they had to dump the other bodies from the carts to lose the remaining titan chasing after them. Nora kept her gaze straight ahead. She didn’t saw them hit the ground, but she heard every thud.

The bodies of her comrades would rot above ground then, abandoned in titan territory. It didn’t make any difference, Nora told herself, even though her stomach churned at the thought. And their families would be left with nothing, grieving their loss without so much as a single body part for evidence. She felt cold, cold all over.

When they stopped for course adjustment later, she watched her captain pull out a scrap of fabric and hand it to the stupid, crying soldier who had caused his friend’s death. He clutched the cloth against his chest tightly, shaking. The voices did not carry over to where Nora stood, but she could read the words from the blond man’s lips: Thank you.

She was shaking her head, lips pressed into a tight line, as the captain swung onto his mount (how did he even manage to do that with his busted ankle?) and returned to her.

“You are kinder than me,” Nora said to him, because it was true. Unlike Levi, there wasn’t an ounce of compassion left for anyone inside of her. Not after today. She wasn’t as strong as him; no one was.

She was empty, depleted. Maybe part of her had died, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this has come out okay. It's really hard to juggle canon, original material, and character-driven parts. But I do think they're all important to complement each other in a story like this.  
> Anyway, your thoughts and feedback are always more than appreciated (cannot express how much, in fact), if you feel like commenting!


	14. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, I wanted to mention that I revised the first chapter earlier this week. Nothing major; the same things happen and the plot doesn't change, so rereading is totally optional. I just wanted to set everything up a bit more nicely, because writing beginnings is hard.
> 
> I'm a bit early with this chapter, but I've an exam coming up on Tuesday next week, and I didn't want to wait until after that to post again (even though that diminishes my backlog of already written content... No pressure, though).
> 
> This one mentions some stuff from the No Regrets Manga.

Nora had thought today couldn’t get any worse, but when they were back inside the Walls, making their way through Karanes, Petra’s father approached Levi. She fell back a few paces. Even so, she could still hear what he said: how devoted Petra was to her captain in every way, how he was worried about his daughter being too young to think of marriage.

An iron ring seemed to tighten in Nora’s chest. _She’s gone. She’s gone, she’s gone, and out there, there’s a big tree with her blood painted all over its trunk._ She wanted to scream at him, make the poor man realise, make him stop talking about Petra and her feelings and _marriage_ , as if she had a future.

She kept silent. So did Levi.

## #

The Scout Regiment spent the night after the disastrous 57th expedition at the base near the inner gate of Karanes District.

Nora closed the door of her small bedchamber. Alone. Finally, alone. Something that had been coiled up tightly inside her released, unspooling rapidly, inevitable. She was just glad she had managed to hold herself together until no one could see.

Her knees fell to the floor. She pounded at it with her fists, again and again and again, heedless of the damage she did to her knuckles. It wasn’t until ragged, angry sobs escaped her lips that she noticed she was crying.

Hands closed around her wrists from behind. The firm yet gentle grip belonged to Levi, she knew instantly, intuitively. She had not heard him coming in.

“Stop,” he said, his voice low and uncharacteristically soft.

A weight dropped from her chest at his presence, an instinctive reaction to him that had developed long ago and had grown increasingly profound over time. All the same, panic flared in her gut. She was raw and exposed, unravelled and weak, and he _saw_.

“What are you doing here?” Nora’s voice was thick with crying.

Levi crouched down in front of her, and she averted her face.

“Stupid question,” he answered without bite. Of course, he’d see it as his duty to help his last remaining squad member, even if he didn’t admit it. For Nora, it was nothing but humiliating, only further tipping the scales of their already unbalanced relationship.

“Please, go,” she said, trying to hide her tears and pulling back her arms. He wouldn’t let go of her wrists. “If you’re here because of some weird sense of obligation—”

“I’m not,” he interrupted, and there was a hint of irritation in his voice at last, “Do you really think I’m the type running around consoling sad soldiers? My duties ended the moment Erwin dismissed us earlier.”

“Then why are you here, if not because you think you have to?” The sobs and tears wouldn’t stop, racking her slumped, beaten body.

“Same reason as yesterday, I suppose,” Levi said softly. Nora thought of them sitting under the night sky, his hands on hers, his gaze warm and unguarded. Now, he was avoiding her eyes. “Stop asking me questions you know the answer to, brat. I’m here because I want to be, and I don’t even give a shit if you want me to leave.”

She was in no condition to mull over his words and what she was supposed to know. Her head was spinning, and the pain she was in was too much to process, stifling her; Nora wasn’t able to feel it all—part of her was shut down, dead, and what was left of her was bursting with sorrow and rage. Levi tugged at her arms, pulling her boneless, numb form up with some difficulty.

At once, she remembered his injury. “Your leg—you should rest.”

“Tsk. Don’t be ridiculous.” He let go of one wrist. His other hand trailed down, and he wrapped his long fingers around her small hand as if it was the most natural thing to do. “Come on.”

Levi opened the door and pulled her along.

## #

He led Nora to what had to be his sleeping quarters for the night. As a captain, he had enough room for a bed, a desk, a corner table with two chairs. At the opposite wall of the bed was another door, probably to a private bathroom.

Levi shut the door behind them. It felt unreal, to be in here. Nothing about today felt real.

“Go and take a shower,” he ordered in a voice that left no room for objection. “You’re filthy, and your clothes are ruined and disgusting. I’ll get you something to change.” She noticed now he was immaculately clean already, having shed his uniform in favour of civil attire; a grey shirt and black trousers. She, on the other hand, was covered in blood, dirt and sweat, in pretty much that order. Her trousers and shirt were torn in various places where the shattering pieces of her own blades had cut her, revealing the bandages beneath, already stained with trickling blood, especially where stitches hadn’t been necessary.

Nora didn’t know how she managed, but she did how she was told in a mechanical fashion, moving her numb body into the shower and soaping up her hair and every stretch of skin that wasn’t covered in bandages. She tried not wetting the wounds too much. When she got out behind the shower curtain and wrapped herself into a towel, she saw neatly folded clothing at the floor directly in front of the closed bathroom door. Levi must have slipped his arm in and put it there.

She was tired and she was broken, yet the whole situation was so strange it distracted her somewhat from harsh reality. At some point during showering, her tears had ebbed. What remained was a dreary kind of emptiness she was almost thankful for. She slipped into the clothes; simple, loose-fitting trousers and a soft T-shirt. It was a bit like sleeping attire. Under any different circumstances, Nora would have felt more than a bit self-conscious. As it was, she stepped back into the room, arms crossed in front of her chest.

Levi sat at the small table that was nestled against one corner of the sparse room. He gave her a quick once-over, then pulled the other free chair out in a clear invitation. Nora sat down, unsure where to look or what to say. She didn’t feel like talking, anyway.

The man had thought of everything. On the table stood a tray with bread, butter and cheese. A steaming cup of tea, a plate, knife and fork were set in front of either of them.

“Eat,” he told her, already helping himself to some food. As an afterthought, he added, “Unless you want to go to the mess hall and eat with the others?”

Nora shook her head, taking a small piece of bread and some cheese. She had no appetite, of course, but that didn’t change the fact her body needed nutrition. Levi probably didn’t feel like eating, either.

Silently, they finished their meal. She couldn’t stomach more than what little she had put on her plate, and he didn’t press the matter. Every swallow was hard labour, and the food tasted like ash in her mouth, seeming to multiply with every bite.

Her fingers were stiff, so she wrapped them around her teacup. She felt cold, so cold. And she rarely ever was. The winters in Trost were mild, and her mind was always running, keeping her whole body on edge pretty near constantly, so Nora was usually more inclined to be too warm.

“I’m sorry,” Nora said at last, her voice toneless.

Levi frowned. “What the hell are you apologising for? If you think anything about today was your fault—”

“It’s not that. I mean, I’m sorry you lost them.” She kept staring into her tea. “You knew them longer than I did, and yet here you are, taking care of me.” He had said he didn’t regret she hadn’t been with them. But he ought to regret it was her who had lived, of the five of them, Nora thought. After all, Levi had known them longer than he did her, had fought at their side for a few years already by the time she came into his life. Those were useless contemplations, however; nothing to be done about that.

The two of them and a boy who had joined them only a month ago were what was left of the Special Operations squad, and that was that.

He didn’t speak, only sipped his tea, watching her over the brim of his cup. The shadows under his heavy-lidded eyes were almost as dark as the steel of his irises. They had lost so much today, been through so much. Together, it occurred to her. Here they were, both of them; alive to see another day. Hange was, too.

That Levi was sitting across from her, right now, and Nora was still here, as well, looking at him, seemed nothing short of a miracle after everything that had happened today.

With all this at the forefront of her mind, she spoke again. “You told me once that you lost family. You also told me I don’t know about your past, about what you did. And I don’t need to know.” Nora paused, but his expression remained unchanged, cautious and waiting. She took a deep breath, feeling oddly calm and detached. “I want to know, though. I want to know everything about you, in fact, no matter how cruel, or awful, or sad. The good and the bad stuff. You probably want to tell me nothing, and you don’t owe me shit. But if there’s anything at all you might want to tell me, I’ll gladly listen. Anytime.”

She fell silent after her little speech, not expecting so much as a word from him, but still glad she had said all this. When, if not now, after everything, after Levi had already seen her cry, punch the floor, brought her to his room and was now her only company while she wasn’t even wearing underwear?

“Their names were Isabel and Furlan,” he said, quietly. Nora lifted her head in surprise. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, but he was talking. “I grew up in the Underground, as you probably know. Everyone knows it’s bad down there, but no one knows how bad until they’ve been there themselves. It smells like shit and dirt and death, and most people die young. They starve to death, or they get sick, or robbed or raped and murdered, without ever seeing the sunlight.” Levi took the kettle and refilled both their cups. His eyes had a far-away look, his voice was devoid of emotion.

“There aren’t many ways to make money down there. You do everything you have to do in order to survive. And many people do far, far worse than that.”

He leaned back in his chair and took another sip of tea. “I met Furlan and Isabel down there. The three of us were living together for some time. We got our hands on ODM gear and taught ourselves how to use it. It made our jobs a whole lot easier. Still, one day, we got caught, and it was either join the Scouts or get handed over to the Military Police.”

Nora could tell there was a whole lot more behind that story, but she kept listening intently.

“On our first expedition, we got into heavy rain. I separated from them for a while, and when I got back, it was already too late. There wasn’t much left of them.” Something in Levi’s eyes hardened. “It was a massacre; four titans or so, coming at them all at once, hell if I remember anymore.” His gaze was fixed on the teacup in the tight grip of his hand, knuckles white. “I lost it, and I cut them to pieces.”

One look at him and Nora knew he meant it literally. She knew what he was capable of, but she also expected that no one might know the extent of it—probably not even himself. She only hoped they would never find out where his limit was.

She had been wrong about herself, earlier. She was broken, yes, but she wasn’t really empty, not completely. When it came to Levi, there would always be _something_ left inside of her. Right now, it was the only thing she could feel at all, a pulsating warmth in her chest radiating into every corner of her body.

She felt, and she felt for him.

Slowly, to give him a chance to pull away, she reached for his free hand, resting on the table. Her fingers grazed over his knuckles, her heart throbbing at the faint touch. He did not move. His steely eyes were fixed on her face. Nora took his hand and interlaced her fingers with his. Wordlessly, he reciprocated the gesture, curling his long fingers around her hand, covering most of it. His hands were much bigger than hers; warm and strong, calloused where they operated ODM gear and swords.

This was a glimpse of heaven in living hell. She thought of Petra’s father, talking about his daughter and her devotion to Levi, and she hated herself. For being alive while her friend, much kinder and more altruistic than her, had died. But Nora did not hate herself enough to let go. It wouldn’t bring Petra back. Nothing could bring her back, nor the rest of them.

So she stroked her thumb over Levi’s hand, over and over, relishing the warmth, the feel of it. He wasn’t looking at her anymore; his eyes were closed, and the tightness around his lips had eased. Nora had to resist the urge to lift her other hand and touch the blueish darkness of his lids and the skin underneath. Instead, she whispered, “What were they like? Furlan and Isabel?”

Levi’s eyes opened a fraction. “Much nicer than me, unsurprisingly. Isabel was the youngest: red hair, naïve, easy to laugh, but she had quite a temper. Good with animals.

“Furlan was liked by pretty much everyone he didn’t steal from. He had a knack of getting people to do what he wanted. Both of them were loud and annoying, and messy. He was level-headed, though. Always nagging at me not to get into trouble and shit like that.”

Levi leaned forward in his seat and lifted his free hand to Nora’s tangled hair, almost dry by now. “Your hair’s pretty much the same colour as his was. Though yours gets lighter at the ends.” He ran his fingers from her roots all the way down to the tip of one lock, letting go of it only after a few seconds.

Nora’s eyes were big, drinking in the sight of him so close to her. “The sun,” she breathed, somewhat nonsensically before she found the rest of the words, “It’s long, so it gets lightened a bit by the sun over time.”

He nodded, then looked at their interlaced hands.

“You should get some sleep,” he said.

She felt a twinge of disappointment and an irrational sense of dread at the thought of leaving his company, but no matter if she could even catch a minute of sleep, she had without a doubt occupied enough of Levi’s time and attention.

Lips pressing together, Nora let go of his hand. “You’re right. I’ll go.”

“I didn’t mean—” he started, then locked his gaze onto hers and said, almost gruffly, “You don’t have to walk back all the way to your shitty room, if you don’t want to. You can just take my bed.”

He inclined his head towards the single bed in the opposite corner of the room. Nora’s jaw dropped in confusion. He surely didn’t mean…?

“Where’ll you sleep, then?” she asked.

In answer, he pointed his thumb to the chair at the desk halfway between the bed and the bathroom door.

“No way,” she protested, shaking her head, “you can’t seriously consider—”

“I wouldn’t use the bed anyway, dumbass,” Levi rolled his eyes. “I still have some paperwork to do.”

“Fine, but afterwards, you’ll at least sleep for a bit, right?”

“Probably.”

“Okay,” Nora said, getting the feeling she was missing something, “so _then_ you’ll need the bed eventually…”

“I already told you I don’t need it, brat,” he said, carefully pronouncing every word as if she was being particularly difficult, “I’ll sleep in the fucking chair.”

“So…” Nora stared at him. “You’re telling me you’re sleeping… while sitting up?”

“Yes, you dimwit,” he huffed.

“And that’s what you always do? Every night?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Levi scowled, clearly annoyed by her line of questions. “Are you done now?”

“I think so,” she mumbled, bewildered. She shook her head in disbelief. “You’re such a weirdo.”

“Tsk. Says the nutcase,” he retorted. “Now go to bed.”

Feeling awkward, but warmer than before, Nora slipped under the blanket, turning on her side and making herself comfortable. She kept sneaking glances at him, sitting at the desk, scribbling and reading over what had to be reports of the disastrous expedition. The only source of light left in the room now came from the lamp on Levi’s desk.

Slowly but surely, exhaustion overtook her thinking, and she lay there, her mind as quiet as her surroundings, occasionally opening her eyes and watching him a brief moment.

She felt calm, almost sedated. Her lids grew heavier and heavier, until at last, without noticing, she drifted away.

## #

She woke to the first rays of dawn casting faint light through the small window of the room. Reality came to her in an instant, despite the unique situation. Nora knew where she was and she knew what had happened the day before. She felt sick, and weak, and wide awake at once. But she had managed to sleep a few hours, without nightmares, even. It was obvious who she had to thank for this.

Her eyes adjusted to the lighting, and she took in the man in the chair a few steps from the bed. Levi wasn’t awake yet. He was indeed sleeping upright, his elbow on the armrest and his head propped up by the hand on his temple. How on earth could anyone sleep like this on a regular basis?

Nora didn’t dare move even an inch. Instead, she watched him with the same blatant curiosity Hange examined titans with. The unique opportunity of being able to gawk at him, unobserved, for as long as she liked, was too tempting. His breathing was deep and steady, only audible in the silence of the very early morning. His face was more relaxed than it ever was when he was awake, black lashes resting against high, sharp cheekbones. Lips closed, but softened, like the angular lines of his jaw. Levi never looked quite his real age, but like this, he looked even younger.

And he was unbearably beautiful, same as he was when he was awake; hooded eyes with dark circles, grumpy and tired and all.

After a while of indulging herself and ogling her captain in his sleep like the creep she apparently was, Nora couldn’t put off her return to reality any longer. She guessed it wasn’t even five in the morning, which was good, seeing as she had to sneak out of here unseen and get ready for the day.

Plus, she really had to pee.

Carefully, as silent as possible, she sat up, climbing out of the bed with one foot, then the other. Nora managed exactly one step before Levi’s eyes fluttered open.

_Dammit, that’s one hell of a light sleep._

He looked at her standing in the middle of his room through heavy-lidded eyes.

“Er… Morning,” she said.

“Morning.” His voice was rough with sleep, even deeper than usual.

Nora averted her gaze. “I should probably go, before…” _Before anyone thinks I spent the night here, which I did_.

“Yeah,” he said.

She nodded, and fled.

## #

Breakfast was a sullen affair. The hall was half empty and too quiet. The moment Nora stepped over the threshold of the mess hall, taking in the beaten, empty expressions of fellow soldiers that mirrored her own, she decided to skip the meal. The glaring absence of four people in particular was so painful it took away her breath.

Before she could turn and leave, however, Hange caught her arm.

“There you are! Where’ve you been?” The expression on her best friend’s face was full of compassion, cutting even deeper. “I’ve been looking for you all over since yesterday evening! I was worried sick!”

“Sorry,” Nora said mechanically. She let herself be pulled along by the tall woman, ending up at a table with Levi, Erwin, Mike and Nanaba. Strange enough, there was already a plate with food and a cup of tea waiting for her. Hange gave her a few minutes reprieve before laying into her again, thankfully keeping her voice low and at Nora’s ear.

“So, where were you? I went to the room you were supposed to be in—” Hange stopped when she saw dark brown eyes flicker over to Levi for a split second. Her mouth formed a perfect O.

They finished the rest of the meal in silence. Nora’s gaze strayed to Eren a few times; he was sitting between Armin and Mikasa, staring at his plate with a forlorn, beaten expression. His friends kept throwing him worried glances.

After that bleak start of the day, the Survey Corps gathered, awaiting the next orders of their commander. Some were sent back to HQ, others to Wall Rose under Mike’s supervision—recruits from Eren’s former Cadet Corps, Nora did not fail to notice. She and Levi were sent to keep Eren safe back at the old HQ—hiding him from government and MP, for the time being—until they’d hear from Erwin. They were what was left of the Special Ops squad, after all.

There was no time for grief, no time to heal. They had a titan shifter to catch, and another to protect.

## #

They’d been waiting for hours. The dimly lit hall was too big for the three of them. Nora couldn’t stop fidgeting in her chair, bouncing her leg, drinking her tea too fast. When she reached for the kettle to refill her cup for the fifth time within an hour, even Levi raised his brows a fraction.

“They’re so slow, Erwin and the others… Making us wait,” he said, breaking the stretched-out silence. “At this rate, we’re going to be escorted out by the Military Police.”

Nora had nothing to add. He was voicing out her exact worries. After the fiasco yesterday, the high-ups in Sina had a perfect excuse to take Eren and deal with him however they pleased, keeping whatever secrets they had hidden under the false pretence of safety.

“Well, who can say what’s holding Erwin up,” Levi continued after a sip from his tea, “Maybe he’s just taking a shit. Duty calls, right?”

Nora snorted. Leave it to Levi and his vulgar, deadpan comments to make her laugh, even after everything.

“That must be one hell of a constipation, then,” she said, her voice as dry as his. The corners of Levi’s lips twitched.

Eren seemed unsure how to react to that. Some people just couldn’t appreciate shit jokes, apparently.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said a few minutes later. He wasn’t looking at either of them. “It’s only because I made the wrong choice back then.”

“No one expects you to be clairvoyant,” Levi said.

“We weren’t, either,” Nora added, “Plus, you were following orders. Orders that made perfect sense, in theory. It all went to shit, anyways.”

Before Eren could answer, the door opened. Erwin had arrived, with a few soldiers in tow, including Armin and Mikasa, their faces grim.

“We have a suspect concerning the identity of the Female Titan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was pretty much the last breather they (and we) will have for a while. Huge canon-shaped messes coming up... Let's see what they'll make of it.


	15. Hell's Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're reaching Season 2 with this chapter.

Everything would depend on how things went in Stohess District. If the Survey Corps would get custody over Eren again, if they’d get another chance at finding out who their enemies were. If they’d capture Annie Leonhart.

They left the old HQ soon after Erwin and the others had arrived. On their trip, Nora went through everything in her head, again and again.

After their discussion, there was no doubt in her mind that Armin was right. The boy looked naïve, even called himself that, though he was anything but. Even without solid proof, the signs were unambiguous. Now, the person Nora hated more than anyone ever before had a name. She had wanted to shake Eren at how conflicted he was at the revelation.

But it was of no consequence, in the end. If everything went according to plan, they’d catch Annie alive, and what Nora wanted to do to her would not be relevant. In the more likely event that something would go wrong—because there always were far too many things that could go wrong—they’d possibly manage to either restrain or kill her, but not without suffering many more casualties, and that was only if they could prevent Annie from escaping.

In any case, the chances that Nora herself would get a chance at exacting revenge were near zero: all she could realistically hope for was that some sort of justice would be served, without losing Eren and many comrades in the process. Still, she wanted to do everything she could. She needed to act. Turning back time was impossible, but she could do this. She could fight at the side of her fellow Scouts.

It was fucked up to wish death on another human, and more so to even hope it would happen by your own hands. She knew this, and yet, Nora could not find it in herself to care. There were worse monsters than herself out there. Maybe you couldn’t survive for long if you didn’t become a bit of one yourself.

## #

Their small group met up with the rest of the Scouts that would be part of the mission at a small base about halfway between Karanes and Stohess. The rest of the day, they talked strategy; the plan was to move tomorrow. The shorter they had to hide Eren from the MP, the better. Erwin thought of every possible outcome, plotting for every possibility, though he didn’t pretend the undertaking was anything but risky. In case plan A failed, they had to take a gamble on Eren’s control of his abilities.

When the commander began assigning squads to their duties, Levi tugged at her sleeve. He pointed his thumb to the door, and Nora followed him outside, watching his limp with a frown on her face. He led them into a small study a few doors down the corridor. Once they were inside, he leaned his back against the closed door, shifting his weight onto his right leg, Nora noticed.

“Shouldn’t you sit down?” She inclined her head towards the desk.

Levi ignored her suggestion, eyeing her with a sullen expression. “Tell me. Where do you think you’ll be tomorrow?”

Nora’s eyebrows drew together. “I’m guessing with Hange’s squad, since you’re out of commission. How am I supposed to know with you pulling me out right in the middle of assignments?”

“That’s what I thought,” he said, his expression dark. “Let me make that clear. You won’t take any more part in tomorrow’s mission than I will.”

It took a few seconds to process his words. “What?” She looked at him, incredulous. “You can’t just—”

“I can, shitty brat,” he cut her off. “In case you forgot, I’m still your superior.”

White-hot fury flared in Nora’s chest. He hadn’t talked like this to her in a long while, and it irked her more than it should. Though it came as no surprise that Levi did not appreciate someone telling him what he could or couldn’t do.

“Why?” she managed through clenched teeth.

“For one, you’re injured. And don’t even try to argue,” he hissed when she opened her mouth, “your wounds will open up if you try fighting so soon.”

He couldn’t honestly expect her to stand aside while others tried to capture the murderer of her friends, just because of a few cuts?

“I don’t give a fuck!” Nora struggled to keep her voice down. Her fists were clenched at her sides. “It’s not like I’d bleed out, and I can move well enough.”

“The shit you can.” He gave her a cold glare. “Pain from open wounds tends to be distracting. I’d be surprised if you’d be able to use even half of your arms’ strength.”

She could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears. “You know what? I won’t waste any more time on this discussion.” Nora stepped in front of him. Levi was still blocking the door, arms crossed. “Now, if you’d kindly step aside so I can have a talk with Erwin—”

“You must have misunderstood.” His voice was dangerously low, barely more than a growl. “See, this isn’t a discussion, brat. This is your captain giving you an order.” He straightened his back, using their slight height difference to look down at her through heavy lids. “And don’t even think for a second Erwin would take your side at this over mine.”

“I don’t care.” Nora was shaking with rage, her face hard and murderous. “I’m a soldier, and I’m going to fight tomorrow.” She stepped even closer, until she felt the heat radiating from his body, seeping through her thin layer of clothing. “And if I’m really lucky, I’ll get to _cut the bitch into shreds_.”

The words seemed to resonate through the small room in the moment of tense silence that followed.

“Ah, and there it is. Soldier, my ass.” Levi’s eyes were narrowed, cold steel boring into her, laying her bare to the marrow. “I get it. You know I do. I would have been the same, years ago. But nothing is worth a pointless death.”

Through her red-hot haze of anger, yesterday night flashed in Nora’s head; everything he’d done for her, everything he’d told her. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend the immensity of his actions last night. He had done the impossible and saved her, from cruel reality and from herself, and maybe he was trying to save her now, too.

She had never asked for it.

“I saw it on your face earlier, and I see it right now,” Levi continued, “You’re blinded with rage and pain. Just another reason you’re in no state to fight. You can’t think clearly—which is a death sentence. You _know_ this.”

Blinking back tears, Nora tried to reach for the doorknob behind him. He caught her wrists.

“Let me go,” she hissed, desperation now threatening to win over fury. When she tried to pull her arms free, Levi tightened his vicelike grip. His face lowered to hers, gaze intense, shutting out her surroundings. The only thing she could see now were his impossibly grey eyes.

“I will not lose you in a useless attempt at vengeance,” Levi said, fervid and determined, his voice thick with barely concealed emotion, the contrast to his usual reticence staggering.

The choice of his words and their urgency struck deep, deeper even than her anger and pain; the ever-present want and need for the infuriating man flaring up in a white-hot blaze. Damn him; for being who he was, for standing in her path, and damn herself for letting her priorities get all messed up.

“Fuck you,” Nora snapped at him in frustration and defeat, and brought her lips to his, hard.

He froze for a mere second, hands tightening around her wrists painfully, before he responded in kind, returning the kiss with unrestrained fervour.

Their lips moved frantically against each other, voracious and impatient, soft and demanding at once; the culmination of months of longing and futile resistance. It felt like they were still fighting, neither of them backing down, and it felt like waking from an endless nightmare, like coming up for air after being submerged in dark, cold water for too long.

Levi’s tongue delved into her mouth, meeting hers, and Nora moaned, the sound swallowed between his lips. Her mind whitened out at the hot, wet, caressing strokes; leaving behind nothing but carnal desire, no place for shame or second-guessing. She pushed back, unable to get enough, running her tongue over his teeth, tasting the inside of his mouth. Tea mixed with his unique, intoxicating flavour; bitter and sweet blending together into a heady concoction that on its own was enough to drive her wild.

She could feel rather than hear his hum in response, vibrating through her body, pooling between her legs. Levi let go of her wrists, sliding one hand into her hair, the other pressing at the small of her back, holding her close. The slide of his fingertips on her scalp sent a prickle down her spine, all the way to her centre. Her arms snaked around his torso, fingers clawing into the muscle beneath the wings of his shoulders.

They kissed with feverish abandonment, lips melted together; a reckless slide of tongues and teeth. Nora bit down on his lower lip, pulling it in, tasting the soft flesh with her tongue, and the delicious sensation combined with the deep groan drawing from his throat set the fire in her core ablaze, weakening her knees. She pressed the length of her body tightly against his.

A short hiss of pain penetrated through the frenzied haze of her brain—his leg.

She pulled back, coming up for air, only now realising how badly she needed to breathe. They were both panting, open-mouthed. Nora was still gripping at Levi’s back, and his hands remained curled in her hair and at her lower back. He was leaning against the door, heavily.

“That was—” His jaw clenched; voice tight.

“Unexpected,” he finished.

“Really,” Nora breathed, unsure if she was being sarcastic or not.

“I was waiting for you to attack me,” Levi said—eliciting a bark of laughter from her.

“Not like that,” he amended. Some of the tension seeped from his face.

They heard steps from the corridor. The meeting must be over by now—dinnertime. Aware of their precarious position, the two separated. Her body screamed at the loss, craving more immediately, but even with her lust-addled mind Nora knew they had already been in here too long.

“Go on ahead,” Levi said, taking a step to the side. “I need a few more minutes.” His gaze dropped, as indifferent as his voice once again, and her eyes followed, taking in the unmistakable tent at the crotch of his trousers. Her face burned, and her thoughts drifted to a few weeks ago, the other time things had… escalated between them. Nora vividly recalled how it had felt pressing up against—

She stopped herself right there, before what little self-control she was desperately holding onto slipped entirely. Before she made a complete fool out of herself. Levi was watching her; unashamed, almost challenging. She didn’t want to guess at what he saw on her expression.

“One more thing,” he said, “You can curse at me and cuss me out all you want, but you will spend the entirety of tomorrow’s mission at my side, right where I can see you, and in civil. No gear. Is that clear?”

Nora pressed her lips together, nostrils flaring, but she knew she had lost.

“Perfectly,” she spat, and left, letting the door fall shut behind her with a bang.

## #

Her back flopped onto the old mattress of her room for the night, and Nora pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.

“Shit,” she muttered. “Shit, shit, shit, shit.”

He kissed like he fought.

Apparently, Levi excelled in anything he set his mind to, and whatever he did, he gave it his all. Or maybe it was in her head; maybe it was the way she saw him, what he was to her. Maybe it just so happened that it was _him_ who could make her feel like this, and no one else—no one else before him, and no one after, she knew without a doubt. Maybe it was thanks to a weird concoction of chemistry, predisposition, and the life experiences that had moulded her into who she was. It was something she couldn’t quite rationalise, but her mind tried anyways.

No matter the reason, it didn’t change a thing about the reality of the situation: that Nora wanted him, all of him, in every way you could want another person, and far more than she had ever wanted anyone or anything else.

 _As long as there was a single person more important to you than yourself, you couldn’t be free._ The thought came to her unbidden, painful in its familiarity.

And if that wasn’t the worst thing he had ever done to her.

## #

They could do nothing when plan A blew up—quite literally. They were powerless when plan B erupted into chaos. And they could only watch as Erwin was arrested right in front of them, to be brought in for questioning.

Levi and Nora were standing at the side line, far enough to not even witness most of the carnage with their eyes. They could hear the screams, though, both human and titan, and the collapsing of buildings, the destruction of Stohess District caused by the vicious battle of the two shifters.

Civilians were dying. Soldiers were dying. That was all they knew for as long as the fight was going on.

After it was over, a soldier from the Garrison arrived at the Stohess MP branch where they were waiting, bringing news that the Female Titan’s capture had been successful, in the end—though, seeing as she had encased herself into an impenetrable crystal, she was currently unavailable for interrogation.

Later, Hange met up with them. The expression on her face was uncharacteristically glum, but she was unhurt.

Nora stood as soon as her friend had closed the door of the small waiting room behind her, and in two large strides closed the distance between them, hugging the taller woman as tightly as her injuries allowed her. Clearly surprised, Hange returned the embrace.

“What’s gotten into you? You’ve never done that before.”

The two women separated, one grinning, the other averting her gaze.

“I’m sure we’ve hugged before, nothing exceptional about it,” Nora deflected.

“We have, but only because _I_ hug _you_ sometimes and you put up with it, more or less.” Hange chuckled. “Displays of affection aren’t exactly your forte.”

Failing to recall a single incident to proof Hange wrong, Nora looked at her sheepishly. “Can’t I be glad my friend hasn’t died?”

Hange’s grin softened into a smile, the russet eyes behind her goggles emanating such an openhearted warmth Nora had to avert her eyes again. The last person looking at her like that had been her mother.

“Thank you, Nora,” Hange said, “that really cheered me up a bit.”

“No surprise,” Levi spoke up from the couch he was lounging on; elbow on the armrest, the shin of his good leg resting on the thigh of the other, “Seeing her squirm and struggle to show emotion like a normal human being sure has entertainment value.”

“Says the expert in all things _human_ and _normal_ and _emotional_ ,” Nora retorted.

“What is it, Levi?” Hange gave him her toothiest grin. “Do you want a hug, too?” She opened her arms in invitation.

“Tsk. No way in hell. You’re filthy and you need a shower.” He considered her a second, before feeling the need to add, “And not even then.”

“Yeah, I know. In the seven or so years we’ve known each other I’ve never seen you hug anyone. Always maintaining at least a foot safety distance.” Hange shook her head, chuckling. Against her will, Nora thought of the evening before as one example to the contrary—well, technically, they hadn’t been hugging…

“But enough of that,” Hange continued, her expression sobering. “I’ve come to tell you something, and it’s really fucking bad news.”

Nora’s chest turned cold. “Don’t tell me she escaped.”

“No,” Hange said, “still in her crystal, sleeping peacefully. It’s worse than that.” The look on her face was foreign on her features—eyes wide, jaw clenched. Hange looked _afraid_.

“We found a titan in the Wall.”

## #

After Hange finished recounting the incident, they were silent. Levi hadn’t moved from his seat the entire time, his face an impenetrable mask. The hand on the armrest was clenched into a fist.

A small, mirthless laugh bubbled from Nora’s lips, and two bemused sets of eyes focused on her.

“Okay—let me summarise this mess. A month ago, we find out people can turn into titans, and _people_ want to destroy our Walls and wipe us out. We try to catch one of the traitors, but turns out they can harden their fucking skin, and produce rock-hard crystal in the process, on top of being damn near unkillable. Sucks balls.” Mouth still drawn up into a grimace barely resembling a grin, Nora continued. “We learn that the hard way two days ago—pretty much the entire Special Ops squad gets slaughtered, as well as lots of others, and now it turns out the bloody _Walls_ are made out of titans, too? The walls we’ve been hiding behind?” By the end of her speech, her pitch had increased and there was an almost hysterical edge to her voice.

Even Hange seemed slightly out of her depth. “Well, we can’t say if there just happen to be some hiding inside the Walls or if the Walls were made—”

“Of course they _are_ the fucking Walls!” Nora struggled to keep her voice down, struggled to think through her fury, the racing of her heart, the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “It’s the only way to explain why the material they’re made of is unique, nowhere else to find.”

“Never mind that,” Levi said, “But a fucking priest from those fanatic cult shitheads knew?”

“Please, Hange.” Nora buried her fists in her long hair, tugging. “Tell me you’ve got the twat, and samples of the Female Titan’s crystal shit and the Wall.”

The corners of Hange’s mouth lifted. “Check, and…” she said, rummaging in the inner pockets of her jacket, producing an inconspicuous piece of rock about the size of an egg, “Check.”

## #

They took a short look at Annie Leonhart, confined and guarded underground. It seemed as if she was sleeping under the transparent glimmer of the crystal. Her face looked almost peaceful. Angelic, even, with that pale blonde hair, the lashes of her huge, closed eyes resting against her cheeks, soft lips balancing out the hump of her nose, lending her features severity and character.

Nora resisted the urge to kick the solid encasing. In this form, the girl was about the same height as her.

What a fucking joke.

She indulged in a short and violent daydream, imagining herself capable to turn into a monster, just like Annie, hardening her fists and crushing through the solid rock. Crushing the girl inside, like she had crushed her friends. Painting the stone with her blood and entrails.

As appealing as the thought was, it was as useless as a captive that couldn’t talk.

“There’s nothing for us here,” she said to Hange and Levi, her voice hollow.

A hand wrapped around her wrist, giving a reassuring squeeze, its warmth seeping through Nora’s sleeve. Levi’s gaze on hers was steady, not warm and kind like the feel of his skin, but unforgiving. Hard with unrelenting strength, determination, understanding. It was exactly what she needed.

“Let’s go,” he said, “the assembly could start any minute now.”

## #

Erwin’s justification for the destruction his underhand operation had caused in Stohess was interrupted by Thomas, a soldier from Mike’s squad which was currently tasked with babysitting the recruits of the former 104th Training Corps.

He brought news of titans being spotted inside Wall Rose.

Nora laughed for the second time that day.

## #

“Home sweet home.” Nora’s voice was wry as she watched the inner gate of Ehrmich District rise before them.

“Have you been back since you joined us?” Hange leaned forward on her elbows, regarding the woman sitting vis-à-vis in their carriage.

“No,” she answered, aware of the stares of her fellow passengers. “I don’t have anything to go back to.”

“If I manage to learn hardening and plug up the holes, if we can take back Maria… I would return to Shiganshina, eventually,” Eren said, his expression serious and pensive, “Even though our house lies in ruins, and my parents are gone. It’s still… home.”

Mikasa was watching him, half her face concealed by the red scarf she wore all the time.

“Yes, well, can’t say that I share that sentiment.” Nora shrugged, thinking back to that awful time over a year ago.

After her mum’s body had been carried out, Nora headed straight back to the bedroom she had died in. The first thing she did was lifting the wheelchair and throwing it as hard as she could, again and again and again, until her fingers bled and half the room was destroyed. Until the chair was nothing but a pile of wood. Through a haze, she remembered sitting around in the kitchen for a few days, barely moving.

When she returned to work, she went to Pyxis first thing, giving her immediate resignation and asking for his recommendation to join the Survey Corps. One look at her and the sorry state she was in was enough for him to tell her he would wait a few weeks before arranging something with Erwin, giving her the chance to process everything, to change her mind. Nora had left after simply telling him she would be waiting for their message. She put an advert in the newspaper to sell their small house, packed a single bag with belongings she didn’t want to part with, and never looked back.

“So, this is it,” Levi spoke up, shaking her out of her reverie as they passed through the gate. He assigned Eren, Mikasa, and Armin to go with Hange. Hopefully, they’d be able to assist their comrades in the fight before it was too late for them, and it was even more crucial to find and seal the wall breach.

Nora frowned at the omission of her name as he finished. “And what about me? Don’t tell me you think I can’t contribute something useful.”

Instead of answering, Levi reached over, grabbing and squeezing her upper arm—precisely on top of some of her deeper cuts.

“Ow!” He had given Nora no chance to prepare, to hide her reaction.

“Do I have to repeat what I told you yesterday?” He was unimpressed by her withering glare.

Nora turned, searching the eyes of her best friend. “Hange, help me out here, please.”

“Sorry, sweetie,” she said, contrite, but resolute. “Those stitches are still fresh, and the cuts on your thighs were even nastier than those on your arms. I’d rather not have to patch you up again. Or worse, have you bleed out or get eaten.”

The look Nora regarded her with was one of utter betrayal.

“Besides, Shorty here would kill me if I went against him on this.”

Levi’s scowl seemed like an unspoken confirmation, though the reason for it probably was that he did not appreciate the nickname.

“Great,” Nora said, voice acrid, “then I can show around our new friend Nick, instead.” Her eyes narrowed at the nervous pastor wedged between Levi and Hange. Ignorant, self-righteous liar. There weren’t a lot of traits Nora despised as much as those.

Though she had to admit, religious fanaticism was one hell of a drug. Not even the combined effort of Hange’s and Levi’s threats had managed to loosen the priest’s tongue.

“You know, Ehrmich is particularly lovely during refugee season,” Nora told him. The southern district of Wall Sina must be in utter chaos by now, swarmed with people from Rose evacuating their homes.

Soon after they got off their carriage, they were surrounded by shouting, crying, panicking people. Children, some of them newly orphaned, were sobbing, screaming for their parents. It was about as bad as Nora had imagined, and yet nothing could have had her prepared for the claustrophobic feeling constricting her chest, the noise, the masses, the panic buzzing in the air suffocating her. City life was bad as is, even without a flood of desperate people who had lost their home, and she had lost all her built-up tolerance for it in the year since she had donned the Wings of Freedom.

She would be damned if she didn’t take her very last breath while wearing them—outside of the pen they were confined in like kettle waiting for their slaughter.

Pastor Nick had the gall to look shocked—appalled, even.

“Is this a little different from the delusions you spread in your church?” Levi asked him, his contempt matching Nora’s.

Watching her comrades get ready to ride out into the dangerous, open territory of Rose without her was more painful than her injuries.

Hange asked the priest one last time for information, but the bastard still wouldn’t speak. Coward that he was, all he gave them was a name. A girl that, according to him, belonged to the bloodline holding their Walls’ secrets. One of the 104th, once again. Were there even any normal people in that Corps?

“She’s the one who’s always with Ymir,” Mikasa said, causing both Hange and Nora to startle in recognition.

“That’s the name the titan said, from Ilse’s notebook…” Nora looked at Hange for confirmation, who nodded, eyes wide behind her glasses.

“We don’t have time to think about that now, though,” Hange said, “We have to find Krista Lenz.”

They needed the truth. To save humanity, to live instead of barely being alive, to have any chance at all at defending themselves, they needed the truth above everything.

For the second time on this long, long day, Nora reached out for her friend. Squeezing her hand, she said, “See you soon.” It came out sounding like a command.

Hange squeezed back tightly. “See you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew... That was a tough one. A LOT happened.
> 
> As always, if you feel like it, I'd love to read your thoughts.  
> I also wanted to thank all who've read so far. Thank you for taking the time!  
> If, by chance, you liked the story, I'd be really grateful if you left a Kudos.


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